How To Sex

How to sex, like a hopeless romantic. Like a hornball with intense urges to—excuse my language—fuck any living thing. Let me rephrase: any living human...thing.

First, understand. If you desire a partner, don't assume you'll never get one because you're into freaky shit. Most likely you'll meet someone who wants to do the same thing and maybe more, and all you'll have to do is come up with a safe word, like dick-spice. Just because.

It may be a struggle to play with yourself, with the so-called "adult" toys, when there is no point of them, since it seems to be more fun when someone else use them on you. But, unless you have no problem getting your hormones to shoot through the roof and make yourself wet because you have the ability to focus completely on what makes you aroused—perfect!

What do you do when you're horny and there is just no way of satisfying your cravings? Let's say this occurs mainly when you're in public, like 95 percent of the time, if you're a hornball...well, here's what you do. Whatever attracts your attention, lock onto it, find a secluded area and hole yourself in there, and maybe contemplate jacking off or ravaging yourself—"Is this supposed to be informational?" you might ask. I...don't have an answer to that.

The guy or girl or other you've been eye-fucking with for who-knows-how-long has been on your mind constantly. Maybe you want to touch base with them, but you're either afraid to or it's a "hell no, just a fantasy" type-thing—so what do you do, once again? Observe them for a few seconds, and then insert a scenario into your mind and play it out. Sounds crazy? Yeah, don't question me on this. You're basically creating masturbation content, but it's subtle and no one is being harmed or disturbed—except you might feel a strong longing towards this person that maybe won't be "yours" (don't possess people).

If you can guess, a hopeless romantic in my eyes is someone who wants but does not get—not all the time. And a hornball is obviously sex-crazy, just a 'lil bit.

Masturbation content is like creating writing content or any content for that matter. You find something that you think is interesting, figure out a way how to use it, and bring it up later.

Exhibit A: The hot girl passing by smiles at you and waves. You've known her for a while, chatted a few times, and you know she's dating someone. Too bad, you already know she's going to be on your mind that night—doesn't mean you want to steal her away or make her yours.

Exhibit B: Your favorite celebrity who you have a hard crush on has a half-nude photo shoot and you end up watching behind-the-scenes footage. You get "lowkey" jealous of the people spraying water on them, but you hone your sights on the water dripping from their body. Now, you're licking your lips and you know...they got you fucked up.

Rather than "how to sex", this is more of "how to control your urges . . . almost...when you're single-ish." Right. Makes absolute perfect sense.

When not so single-ish, before "how to sex"-ing, it's all about "how to communicate." Can't expect to get down and dirty without some form of "talk." Now, if you were all for the one night, maybe two or three, or every Saturday night kind of scruff (stuff), the only thing needed to be said are probably what conditions and boundaries you would set, which is of course what you'd set in place in a relationship-relationship (yes, I pulled out the double)—but that's not only it.

Tell your partner what you like, what you don't like. What you're comfortable with. Discuss what they like, what they're comfortable with. It takes two, maybe three, or four (if you're poly), to tango. Teach your partner how to dance, or both of you can learn together. More importantly, be comfortable with this person. Don't be forced to do the do if you don't want to do it. Are we on the same page here?

If you're able to laugh, chat, relax, or whatever you like to do with your partner, go for it. Respect yourselves and each other. "How To Sex" will come easily.