Baseball Players with Porn Star Names

Baseball and pornography have more in common than you think. They are both great American pastimes. More than that, though, they both have multiple players always ready to play, balls constantly flying at their faces, and large rods in their hands. It's basically a description of an erotic film set. If you're outside in a beautiful field watching sweaty men throw, catch, and hit balls, it is understandable that your mind might wander to sex, and it doesn’t help that the names of some of these players fit perfectly into the porno in your mind's eye. Names of various players, though not always the sexiest or the most famous, certainly give us something to think about. What exactly was it that made Babe Ruth a Babe, and why is that candy bar so damn big? From Rod to Pussy, these men helped define the sport of Baseball. Porn parodies are long overdue for a spots classic. Squirts Illustrated was a nice try but, like Bad News Bitches, it was fun but not really grounded in reality. Now Field of Creams came close, but i think what is really needed is a take on an authentic player reimagined as a pornographic film.

Babe Ruth

Yes it is the most obvious but he was no Adonis when John Goodman played him in The Babe. I put him in because he must’ve been a babe at some point. He was one of the great players; everyone knows his name and hopefully not because it is on a candy bar. Babe Ruth was on the Boston Red Sox, but then due to financial troubles he was “sold” to the New York Yankees, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Rod Carew

With his large rod, it was all hands on deck. He batted left and threw right, making him a double threat. Perhaps he was an all star ambidexterous player in the bedroom as well. He debuted in 1967 with the Minnesota Twins and his last appearance was in 1985 with the California Angels. He is in the Hall of Fame for his baseball prowess, but let us imagine that he is in another type of hall of fame for his infamous rod.

Pussy Tebeau

I could not believe there was actually a player with this name. He is not very well known because he only played two games in the majors, and I am just imagining that he spent the rest of his time chasing, well, pussy. But we'll never know for sure. Most players do that with a long career. This guy, not so much. Pussy is not a common nickname for ballplayers, but in the big leagues of porn it is a winner.

Rusty Kuntz

Oh yes, Rusty, he preferred the redheaded ladies. He also batted right and threw right. He was an outfielder and a first base coach, and probably got to first base a lot, even though third base should have been his specialty, with a name like that. He debuted in 1979 for the Chicago White Sox and his last appearance was in 1985 for the Detroit Tigers. His real first name is Russell Jay, but Rusty Kuntz brings so many more perverted images to mind. Actually, I might not mind the word cunt as much as I do if it was spelled with a K.

Ed Head

This handsome gentleman with an affinity for receiving blow jobs (again, just assuming) played for the Brooklyn Dodgers for six years. Sadly, he was in a car accident that killed his girlfriend and almost led to the amputation of his pitching arm. Fortunately for him, he was ambidextrous and was able to pitch successfully with his other arm. Ed may not be in your baseball card collection, but as a porn star he would have been an AVN favorite.

Dick Pole

Strippers don’t swing from it, but it sure sounds like they do. Richard Henry Pole took on the name Dick Pole. Was it purely for our enjoyment? Did his parents want him to become a male exotic dancer? He actually played for the Boston Red Sox. He was a right-handed pitcher and he also worked as a pitching coach. His last MLB appearance was in 1978 for the Seattle Mariners. And that's really all we know about him. Though, I am hopeful that he used his name as a come-on line to women across the country. "Hey, baby, if you think my dick is big, you should see my pole…" The possibilities are endless.

Evan Longoria

Don’t think he is related to Eva Longoria, who is quite a hottie. I am just interested in finding out how long Longoria is. He is kind of cute, he's almost 30, he has won a bunch a baseball awards; rookie of the year, played on some All-Star teams, yada yada yada—why is his nickname "Longo?" Let’s find that one out. And if you are really interested, he has been playing for the Tampa Bay Rays since 2008. Longo may not be the lead hitter, but it's the kind of name you rely on after a long day on a porn set, and your starter is injured.

Grady Sizemore

A fine looking gentleman, I wonder if he, indeed, is a size more than he lets on. He has played for the Indians, Red Sox, Philadelphia Phillies, and the Tampa Bay Rays. Does he have something incredible hiding in his pants? Possibly. Would some of us like to find out what it is? Probably. Size does matter, maybe not in baseball, but it does when you are batting for an adult film called The Batman.

Jacob Degrom

I only put him on this list because he is a really great pitcher for the Mets, he has sexy hair, and in my fantasy, he has some Amish-leaving-the-fold thing going on. I am going to go with that even though there is no truth to it. But, he is sexy and he can pitch. If held to it, I might point out that the biblical Jacob had two wives, a number of handmaidens, and 12 sons, so he was pretty busy playing the game.

Cannonball Titcomb

Let’s be honest, the man died in 1950 and he played for some teams that didn’t even exist for very long. But his name—really? How could I not include this one? It just makes you giggle. Did this guy get laid a lot? Did he even need to say he was a baseball player? His real first name was Ledell... I can only imagine that Cannonball came with his pitching abilities, and, hopefully, other abilities. God rest his soul.