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I need you to know it's still me. Before you open the gates to your guarded castle, and let this determined lion in, I need you to understand what might happen once you see me again. It could be another mistake, another spiral, another rabbit hole we can't help but fall into. It's not entirely our fault. We're merely drawn to creating fires and never putting them out. Our souls have always burned the same, flickering with madness until we find each other again. The wildfires will then give way for the ocean when we're in the same room, allowing for us to cook up more regrettable words to haunt us at night.
It's time to put the worst of my nightmares to the test and knock on your door. Anxiety is weighing heavy on me, stretching throughout my body as I wait for you to open up for me. I wonder if you'll be able to see the kind of man I've turned into. The 17-year-old version of me helped me get here, and I'm almost sure he'll make a reappearance once I see you. If seeing a picture of you online has taught me anything, it's that there's a strong possibility I've missed you more now than I ever had before. I didn't spend too much time on why. Logic didn't belong to the kind of love and hate relationship we offered to one another.
My breathing comes to a halt once I see the lights turn on inside your home and the door finally open. Your silhouette makes its appearance and the light on your front porch brings you to life. I'm terrified of the desperation I have not to ask for permission to kiss you, but hold off on the hormones and tune back into my charm so I can greet you properly.
"Hi," was all I managed to say before you stepped closer to me and enveloped me with your sweet and intoxicating scent. I swallowed hard and found myself unable to speak any further as I placed my hand on your cheek and pulled you into me. Your warm body felt like home and I wished I hadn't been such a colossal asshole to you. I know it painted a pretty dark picture of love, an incomplete blueprint for the kind of men you no doubt encountered right after I left you. But I wanted you to know I needed to leave you to save you from me. I was a bottomless pit of uncertainty and you deserved nothing but blue skies and sunny days. I never wanted to be your silk storm, a trap made out of pure selfishness and desires too great to understand or to give.
"Why is it that you always show up when my world is in disarray?" you ask as you lead me into your home and I close the door behind us. I wished I had an answer for you. Or at least a better one.
"Probably because it's my fault you only see the darkness in everything now," I responded as you stripped me of my belt and jeans and pulled me towards your patio door, opening it until we reached the patch of concrete that would lead us towards the pool.
"Isn't that what you were trying to avoid with your goodbye letter?" You continued your inquiries and I simply stared at you as I remembered the contents of the letter I wrote when my heart weighed too heavy and I had no choice but to say goodbye. I had to write out my grievances, my apologies, pour my heart out into a letter I hated writing just so I could push you back towards the surface of reality. I wanted you to survive this deadly wave of misery. I wanted you to smile again. And I knew I didn't have the tools I needed to force the corners of your mouth to rise up instead of down.
"I wanted you to be happy," I reminded you, my hands steady at your hips, capturing your attention away from my naked body long enough for you to glare at me.
"And I wanted you to stay long enough to see me achieve it," you retorted and I could feel you trembling with anger as the memories of everything I've ever done to you began to fill your thoughts. You kissed me before I could remind you I wasn't the man you needed me to be back then. The warm chocolate taste of your tongue against mine caused my body to break free from its emotional chains long enough for me to finish taking off your clothes.
We found ourselves dipping into your lit up pool, trying to tame the fire we've ignited but with no intention of reigning it in. My hands brace themselves behind you on the edge of the pool, while yours wrap around my cock, stroking, pulling, forcing the animal inside of me to take over. Fuck, I wanted you so bad, and I could have you within seconds if you let me, but I knew you had a point to prove. You were just as bad for me as I was for you. The scales were never heavier on my side. We were equally to blame for the heartbreak we caused to one another. I could see all of it in your eyes and the rage that sparked out of it would now be taken out on me.
Your thumb rubbed over my tip, forcing my shaft to grow even more stiff, more potent, a rocket ready to launch after its intended target. I wanted tonight to be more than this, more than what our bodies were craving. But the sexual chemistry we've been holding back for so long was taking over and for the life of me, I just couldn't wait to be inside of you. You knew this of course. Your smug grin said as much while you felt my fingertips dip into your folds, opening them wide enough to allow my fingers to rub on your clit. Your throaty moan was what caused my impatience to peak, and I lifted your body onto the edge of the pool, opening your legs wide enough for me to kiss my way towards your glistening folds. I licked my lips, my hands holding your legs steady as my tongue flicked over your nub carefully, slowing placing you into the madness you knew I'd create once you opened your door to me.
Your fingers tug at my hair, forcing me closer into you. I was happy to oblige and pulled you even closer, swirling and tugging on your clit as your whimpers became scratches along my shoulder blades. I felt your body writhe and move according to the movements of my tongue inside of you and once I captured your clit in between my lips and my fingers dipped further inside of you, I felt your inner walls pulling tightly, informing me you were about to cum hard. I held off on that and pulled away from you long enough to pick my body up out of the pool and over yours. I kissed you until your eyes glossed over with a lust you couldn't combat with anger, and positioned myself at your entry as my gaze held onto yours.
As soon as the corners of your mouth began to rise again, I slipped inside of you and the gasp you unleashed caused me to rest my forehead against yours. I was in this distorted silk storm with you. My thoughts, my body, my heart all belonged to you this time around and I hoped you stopped hating me enough to notice I was still in love with you and I was a fool to think I could ever stop. There'd be enough time to prove it to you later. Right now, I buried myself deep inside of your slick walls and felt my worries disappear when your juices flowed and trapped me against you, forcing your legs to wrap around me as I pounded into you.
Our bodies didn't pull apart when we heard the thunder crack in the sky above us. We merely smiled at one another, a silent exchange of understanding as we lost ourselves in the mayhem of the rain beginning to pour down on us. Your nails dug into my back and my cock grew thicker as your inner walls contracted and held onto it as tightly as they could. My thumb reached down to rub at your clit then, my lips kissing their way down your neck, your chest, until they reached your nipples. I sucked and nibbled on them, my fingers working their magic on your nub while my cock drove deeper and deeper into you simultaneously.
We came one after the other, our bodies convulsing, riding the waves of pleasure for as long as they presented themselves. The storm grew heavier and so did my heart. Yours too from the looks of it. I could see the fear in your eyes as I kept my cock inside of you and your hand raised to my cheek. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against yours once again, silently pleading you won't see this as me trying to go back to how things used to be; sex and disappointment. I had more to offer now. More to give. More to gain.
But only if we turned this silk storm into a pandemonium of happiness.