Why You Should Talk to Your Lover About Poop

When two people fall in love, it is not uncommon for them to go through a lot of grueling and time consuming tactics to primp and impress their new lover. This is not an unreasonable routine. Everyone wants to feel confident in their appearance, especially when a new love interest comes along. Blemishes are caked with layers of makeup, hairs are shaved and waxed and plucked over and over again, while deodorant and perfume and cologne are used tirelessly to mask the unpleasant odors that come with having a human body.

These tactics might be effective for a while, but eventually as the two people continue to develop their relationship with each other, they begin to grow tired of pretending that they don’t have upper lip hairs or that they smell like a pine tree every hour of the day and night. And at some point when two lives begin to meld together, these revelations will become unavoidable.

And there is one bodily function to which no one is immune, nor can anyone deny. Its odor and accompanying sounds are usually a dead giveaway. We all have to poop sometime. And we all know that its smell is unpleasant—some days much, much worse than others depending on what you had for dinner the night before. Buy all the air fresheners and toilet scrubbers you want, but the truth will come out.

Poop Talk

Therefore, it might be helpful to introduce some “poop talk” with your significant other. Now, some people might be worried about admitting to their partner that they do in fact go number two on the daily. What if they dump me for admitting that I take a dump just like everyone else?!? Actually, it would be significantly more concerning to find out that your partner wasn’t pooping—for that is a sure sign of a plumbing problem.

Now, “poop talk” does not have to be as intimidating as it sounds. This is a very casual conversation that is often done and over with in just a few words from one or both parties. Not everyone is so readily willing to go with the flow and let it all out, but there are several reasons why you should loosen things up when talking about poop with your lover.

Clearing the Air

Pent up thoughts, feelings, and emotions in a relationship definitely give off a detectable and unpleasant energy. Discontentment hangs in the air heavier than a lingering fart. Communication is key in any healthy relationship, and holding back too much for too long can be damaging later when things explode in a big poopy mess that no one will want to clean up.

This explosion can be avoided by simply addressing the issue in a casual setting. Imagine the freedom of sitting at home enjoying movie night with your S.O. and then standing up and saying “Be right back, gotta poop.”

Plucking up the courage to be open about your bodily functions is by far the most difficult step. But once you let it all out there, you’ll feel just as relieved as you do right after you drop one off at the pool. And honestly, if you are the first one to address the brown elephant in the room, your partner will probably be relieved, too. You've just saved them from having to do it, so the worst is over.

Pooping Is Normal and Healthy

As previously noted, it would be pretty unnerving to learn that the person you were dating never pooped. Wouldn't it?

Pooping is a part of healthy daily life—sometimes more than once if you're being extra good about your fiber intake. Every living creature on this planet poops. It is so sad that this society has a nasty habit of taking natural things and twisting them into something vile, obscene, and taboo. Such is the case for stretch marks, breastfeeding, armpit stank, and alas, poop. We have become accustomed to denying so many qualities that make us human, rather than embracing them as they are and getting on with our lives.

Trying to somehow cover the fact that you poop from your partner is a tiresome and ongoing endeavor that is not sustainable in a relationship. The evidence will be found anyway, and it really is not as embarrassing as you think.

Your Relationship Will Become More Intimate

Poop itself might not necessarily be a sexy subject. The sight and smell are usually pretty gag-worthy. But having a partner who is comfortable enough around you to talk about it is sexy as hell. Knowing that you both have reached this stage in your relationship where poop is on the table rather than being frighteningly taboo is a symbol of your strengthening bond. Now you are empowered to go out and tell the whole world together if you want to. The world might be disgusted, but you guys are simply too in love to care.

If by some unfortunate chance your openness about your bowel movements inspires harsh criticism rather than fits of giggles, then it may also serve as an important test as to whether or not this partner is the right one for you. We all know that we should never pretend to be someone we're not just to make someone want to be with us. Doing so will never allow intimacy to develop, and you'll probably break up before you know it anyway. Some might feel so strongly as to say “If so-and-so can't accept my shit stink, then they can never accept me!”

You Will Finally Be Able to Breathe Again.

Maybe save the actual breathing part until the air fresheners have kicked in and the fan has been running for at least ten minutes in the bathroom. But alas! You can finally relax! No more hiding your bowel movements or clenching so hard through date nights that you nearly pass out.

You can kiss goodbye the days of having to pretend the coffee from your breakfast date didn’t go right through you. You can also forget about the unbearable times you were at your partner’s house using the bathroom and had to strain so hard to make sure there wasn’t an escaped fart or too big of a splash when the log hit the water. What if they heard you? I guess I’ll just have to live in this bathroom now and never come out, because I can’t face this embarrassment.

It's Funny.

Anyone who says poop and fart jokes are not funny is just a big fat liar. If you are dating someone whose sense of humor is as dead as a doornail, then the problem isn’t the poop talk. It’s them. Rest assured that your poop humor will be appreciated elsewhere.

Healthy couples laugh together often. Being able to laugh when one of you takes a dump or compete to see whose shit smells the worst is all part of the fun of being a couple. This final point encompasses several points previously made here. There is nothing more intimate than being able to accept each other and laugh about it all. Be in relationships with people who lift you up! Not because you’re perfect, but because you’re authentic, funny, smart—and most of all—human!

In Conclusion

Poop is sometimes uncomfortable to bring up when you enter a new relationship, but it can and should be spoken of freely, without hesitation or apology. We all do it! It's common to feel like you have to hide the fact at first, but the sooner you talk about it, the sooner you'll be able to relax knowing that no one gets dumped for taking dumps. This new state of mind around bodily functions will open up intimate doors and goofy fun times for you and your partner.

Hopefully you can look forward to an encouraging “Nice one!” coupled with some high-fives when you make the next epic toilet splash.