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Women do it all the time without crucifixion, yet when a man admits to faking an orgasm he is cornered and questioned like a criminal on the stand. How, why, and when are just a few of the issues most have with this uncomfortable and taboo topic. We find it almost impossible to believe that his scrunched up face, stuttering moan, and whole body convulsion could have actually been an act, a perfected theatrical masterpiece! Not that a man isn't capable of such trickery, but let's be honest, when men lie, they keep information and expression minimal. So unless this man is a professional actor, I can't imagine him being able to pull this off, however, it turns out I'm wrong. Like 28% of all men, wrong. Granted this a study done where men had to confess, but still just the fact that it is more than 2% was enough to blow my mind.
So why would a man have to fake the Big O during sex? Whether it be a hand, mouth, or vagina, isn’t the motion of the ocean enough to get them there? It's not like their bodies are anything like us women with our sensitive pressure areas and hidden G-spots. Men also don't ride the hormonal and emotional rollercoaster each month like females so why oh why would a man tap out before the finale? With all that said I am sure many of you are now thinking: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF MY MAN'S FAKING IT?!
Well ponder no further my little worriers because men’s reasons to fake it to the finish line are not so different then us women.
Let us review the why’s:
They've already done the deed.
While some women can orgasm multiple times (lucky bitches) many men are maxed out after one or two rounds. So, basically if he has pleasured himself earlier in the day or already had a few rounds in the sack, don’t be surprised if he pulls a shake and fake. Remember, not all dudes like to admit to masturbation so before you go all crazy and accusing him of cheating, make sure you have all the facts first.
Too many COCKtails.
Alcohol can definitely have its benefits in the bedroom, for both men and women. Like allowing a man to last longer than he usually would and giving couples liquid courage to be more sexually adventurous. However, alcohol can also backfire like a bitch. Like when a few drinks turn into a bottle of tequila and those extra minutes of lovin’ turn into a dried up and uncomfortable hour. This is when a man might find the inspiration to pretend moan and shutter just to end the romp so he can go eat a taco and pass the hell out.
Stress and Exhaustion
Just like women feel the stress of the world on their shoulders, so do men. So much that it is completely normal for it to affect their sexual function. Same goes for lack of sleep; a healthy sex life goes hand and hand with a healthy sleep cycle. If you sense your man is in serious need of a snooze, be a big girl and take care of yourself that night. The last thing you want is 10-minutes of unenthusiastic sex ending with a pathetic climax-reenactment or worse yet, him falling asleep mid-thrust.
Not all sex is earth shattering, shit, almost all women can attest to that. We’ve all heard our share of horror stories where women fake it due to their partner’s lack of experience, motivation, or just being terrible at sex. So why should we expect men to feel differently? If a woman isn’t doing the job for him, I would much rather he lie and put on his best “Ooooh and ahhhh” show instead of declaring his inability to finish because of "sexual boredom". So to my lazy ladies, you may want to rethink laying there like a dead fish before a man crushes your confidence and sex for you is ruined forever.
P to V Ratio
You are probably thinking, “What the hell does P to V ratio mean?” Well if a guy has an enormous baby maker, chances are he isn’t fully fitting in most women. I know, talk about a curse! With that said, men comparable to Woolly Mammoths find it much harder to climax without full penetration. Poor guy needs to find himself a loosey goosey.
How to tell if he is faking.
So now that you know WHY some men choose or have to fake it, here are a few signs that he may in fact be doing it. I must warn you though, if your man has done or currently does any of these, please try NOT to throw it in his face. Choose a separate non-sexual time to discuss; I know us women love the drama and controversy but think of all the times he let your fake O' slide. Give the poor guy a pass.
- Lack of noise or way too much noise: This is for all the movie star wannabe’s who think they can pull anything off and while some may be capable of this extraordinary talent, many aren't. If his face and sounds are so unbelievable and over the top then chances are he is a fakin' fool. After his Italian opera performance you need to break the news that he failed the audition and will not be invited back for a repeat appearance.
- He runs for the bathroom as soon as he is done: Why was it so important he throw away the condom so quickly? 3 words for ya: HIDE THE EVIDENCE (or lack thereof). Either that or the thing broke and he is too scared to tell you that you might be pregnant. Wow, I definitely just made someone cry...sorry?!
- Body language: If all you heard was a monotone "ooohhhh" and felt no kind of muscle contractions like ass clenching, toe curling, or body spasms then I would interpret this as a red flag. The body always contracts during orgasm and while not all men have an elaborate ejaculation dance, something has to react. I don't care if its the twitch of a leg, orgasm=physical reaction.