Surviving Emotional Abuse

My 4 year ordeal in an abusive relationship

First off I would like to tell you just how badly you hurt me. I know you probably won't care because by now you're either balls deep in your new hoe (assuming you can get it up and keep it up) or you're playing one of your stupid mind numbing video games or you're cruising some social media site searching for your next victim or you're too busy trying to figure out how to wrap yourself even tighter around your mother's finger. Either way I'm still going to tell you because for once I don't give a fuck about your happiness, your comfort or your anything. Nope. From this day forward I'm living for ME.

See, the last night that we were together and you told me you no longer loved me, and how you wanted to stick your dick in other women because you were bored of me and how you wanted to have sex with my 15 year old daughter and if you stuck around long enough that is exactly what you would end up doing I decided that as much as it killed me (your words were like daggers to my heart which incidentally enough still hadn't finished healing after the last break up I'd had) I knew you had to go.

I knew that I could not allow you to stick around. I knew I did not want a sex offender around my children. I knew that if I kept you around one of us would end up in jail and the other in their grave and I also knew that you were not worth losing neither my children nor my freedom for.

See I've grown stronger over the last few weeks. I don't cry over you like I used to, don't mistake what I'm saying cause my heart still aches over the loss of what I thought would be my happily ever after but it just doesn't hurt as bad as it used to.

I can go to bed and actually fall asleep at night without crying my heart out or drugging myself. I can actually go out with my friends and enjoy myself without wondering what you're doing or who you're with. I no longer look at my phone praying for a call or a text from you. I no longer hope to see you online. I no longer pray to run into you just to see if you're hurting like I was because I honestly no longer give a fuck.

The day after I left you I spoke to your best friend on Facebook. He actually told me how dumb you were for pulling what you did and he reminded me that even though you may be his best friend he still thought that I deserved better than you. He told me how he'd lost MAJOR respect for you and how he would never think of you the same way as he had before.

He now considers you to be stupid all the way around. He has told me that I am more than welcome to visit he and his family if ever I so choose. He's a great guy. Still makes me wonder how someone like him could ever be friends with someone like you.

I've got a good life now. I've moved on. I've got a great job and a beautiful new home. I guess it's been kind of a blessing to be without you. I can now afford to live for myself and my kids without having to support you.

I guess I should have known I was in a world of trouble with you when I found out about you being tossed from the Marine Corps for dating an underage girl and then to find out two years later that your ex-wife had had you arrested for raping her.....well needless to say I was ignorant for ignoring those major red flags.

Then there was the fact that after being tossed from the military you had a hard time finding a job and then once you had one you had a hard time keeping it. You seemed to prefer being home playing your video games and screwing around on social media.

I guess another thing that should have warned me about how bad you were was seeing how bad your mother is. See your mom wants everyone to believe that she has the prefect family but I've come to find out over the past four years that her idea of perfect is all just smoke and mirrors.

Let's see where to begin. She has a daughter that literally ran away from home and disowned ALL of you because of her. She even went as far as to change her name and her gender in order to avoid your mother finding her.

Then there's the black sheep who lives in Texas whom your mom likes to call the family liar. Truth be told I've only met her once and I trust her more than I would ever trust your mother or even you for that matter.

Than there are the two children who couldn't make it in the military, hell they never even made it past boot-camp.

Then there is the snitch who does shit mommy wouldn't approve of so in order to keep from listening to her constant bitching about his life he goes and spies on others and reports back to mommy everything that they do so his ass will be saved from being found out.

Then there is your poor father whom your mother has completely emasculated and even attempted to turn all of you against all the while living off of his hard earned money, allowing her to sit at home on her ass and do nothing but spend his money uselessly on shit she don't need. I still don't know why that man is married to such a bitch. He deserves better.

Oh and let's not forget the way she would talk shit about you behind your back and then play all innocent and act like Mother-of-the-year to your face. Great role model that woman I tell ya what.

Now that enough time has passed I can see where I went wrong and while I wish I had seen the warning signs I also do not regret making the decision that brought me to where I currently find myself.

All of the shit that you and your family have put me through over the last 4 years may have made me want to kill myself (seriously especially when you took their side over mine).

You seemed to enjoy making me cry.

You seemed to enjoy throwing the fact that you wanted to have sex with other women in my face.

You seemed to enjoy telling me how you had sexual feelings towards MY minor daughter and how you had no issues about acting on them if given the chance. You need to seek help and your ass needs to be locked away and your name put onto the state sex offender list for life.

I always thought that abuse was bad when it was physical due to having to hide the cuts and bruises, but in reality the psychological and emotional abuse I've endured during my time with you was worse because those wounds are internal and may take years to go away (if they ever do).

I know I'll make it through this no matter what, because I have to. I'm a mother I have little lives depending on me to be okay. Those little lives are and always will be more important than you. 

Your voice will hopefully one day fade from my mind as will your face and on that day I will still be standing with my head held firmly up and a smile on my face. Even on the days where I may want to break. You will NO longer hold any power over me.

"That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." - Friedrich Nietzsche