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Stop Comparing Porn to the Real Thing

Real Life Is Not a Paid Film

Photo by Kushagra Kevat on Unsplash

We have all had that one awkward experience in bed with someone. You know, the one where they try an impossibly uncomfortable move or act a certain way that gives you severe porn vibes. You might pretend to enjoy it (and maybe you actually do), but afterward you usually just feel a tad confused and possibly sore. The real question is, how do they do it in the porn movies and why do people expect us to be able to replicate it?

If you have watched a porn video at any point in your life, you probably noticed a few things. The women have absolutely no gag reflex, the men can last for an eternity, and any position feels terrific within seconds. Don't forget, derogatory name calling is always appreciated. What we don't see is the practice that goes on behind the scenes, how many takes it took, or the simple fact that it is all a form of acting.

Porn was created as a form of entertainment. You don't see us walking around in Iron Man costumes saving the world, so why do we see people trying to suffocate others because the pros did it? Sex is fantastic under the right circumstances. When both parties have a great time, it is bound to be an explosive experience (see what I did there). While we can try out moves we have seen in these videos, we should also be aware of how the other person feels during the process.

I'm not here to bash porn stars. They work a job just like every one of us, and I can respect a hard worker. They do create a form of entertainment for those in need and can help introduce new techniques into the bedroom. One thing that I find most people take away from porn is jamming certain objects into places repeatedly. This can even be in areas where we need to breathe for survival. I'm going to be honest with anyone who does this, most people hate it, and they are not enjoying themselves.

You see a girl in a film enjoying this move because she is paid to. This fast thrust looks appealing and is excellent to watch, but not actually fun to feel. While penetration is the typical form of sex, it usually requires other factors for an orgasm to occur. They don't need to have an actual orgasm on camera, the person you are with does.

Porn sets unrealistic expectations.

I cannot bend like an acrobat, and I enjoy being able to breathe. Most people would agree with this statement. Instead of copying actors, try testing out new moves and communicating with your partner on what they like and don't want. Creating boundaries is actually a great way to help you explore without forcing an unpleasant situation. Remember, while the screams you watch sound amazing, real-life enjoyment takes a little extra work.

One unrealistic expectation that comes from porn is anal sex. You see these men and women moving fast and hard. In real life, if you have never done this before and you go into it with this mentality, you are going to end the night in utter disaster. They are able to do this from practice, lots of lube, and probably a colon cleanse beforehand. If you don't start gently, you could potentially bleed, rip, or even have a suction cup effect that I would rather not go into detail about.

Same goes with the span of time it takes for porn stars to orgasm. From these films, we expect to keep it up and going for hours at a time. This can work, but only if you are adequately prepared. They are taking breaks between shots, using lube, and halting that big moment so they can continue the process. Want to last longer? Make sure everyone is well lubricated and change speeds, sometimes even stopping altogether and moving back to foreplay.

Not everyone is up for bondage.

A lot of videos show women and men being tied up, with multiple partners and treated like dirt. While some people do love this fantasy, others hate it. Before you tie up your partner or start choking them, make sure they are up for that. Keep it light and continuously ask if they are enjoying themselves. Safe sex is fun sex all around. If someone is unable to breathe or feels like they cannot move it can start feeling claustrophobic.

To keep this from happening, make sure you do things lightly. It might look harsh on your computer, but again, they are actors. They usually have experience in whatever role they are playing and have safe words in case it goes too far. Porn is fun to watch, not so much fun in real life. I know a lot of people who have little experience and use what they see on videos in actual scenarios. Typically, it doesn't end well.

If you genuinely want to have a great time make sure you are communicating, using protection, and doing other activities besides fast penetration. I like to think of sex as a marathon and not a sprint. While men can typically orgasm quickly with just simple moves, women need a little extra attention. This isn't a bad thing, and I promise, if your partner is enjoying the process you will, in turn, get enjoyment out of seeing them having a good time.

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