She, Beautifully, Tore My Tenderness

8:02

I finally reached my place. The front seatt was empty. “Where is sh…” I could not finish my thought and her appearance made me smile unconsciously. To me, she seems so beautiful, so ostentatious, so different from ordinary girls. I cannot understand why no one is as disturbed as I am by the clicking of her heels on the floor. Her skin is as pure as a wedding dress. I cannot understand why no one else’s heart is intimidated by her mysterious veils. I cannot miss a single movement, a gesture, laughter, without my blood starting to sing. Yet I cannot dare to blow a word towards her because I am scared. I am scared that once I approach her, I will break the spell. She sits down right in front of me. Her perfume always tickles my senses, rebooting my brain, making me fall in love every single day.

She closed the door behind her looking at me ostentatiously. She had nothing but lingerie and my shirt. Barefoot, she was slowly walking towards me. I’ve never been in this situation before. My heart started beating like someone was about to pull it out from its roots.

“Well, then, aren’t you coming to help me unhook my bra?”

My hands were trembling as I tried to undress her. I lost some of my self-consciousness, in the struggle with what at that time felt like tons of tiny hooks. “HA!” I said in triumph as the last hook came loose. We both laughed. Without saying anything, she started undressing me. She started unbuttoning my shirt. She put her hands on my neck and shoulder and slowing started sliding them across my chest. I stood still, barely breathing, didn’t know how to react.

She bent her head to kiss me. Everything started soft and gentle until she bit my lower lip. I pressed her firmly against me. I could feel that she was more than ready to get on with it. With some surprise, I realized that I was ready too. I could not stop. Suddenly, I lifted her in my arms and sat down on the bed, holding her on top. She kissed my neck with her meaty lips, as if she did on the juiciest apple, while slowly going lower. She dragged her teeth across my chest to test my fast-beating heart. Her fingers clawed my flesh, trying, slowly, to tear her way in. I was completely paralyzed; I could not move. The only reaction that I had was a long-held gasp. She, beautifully, tore my tenderness.

I have been bullied again.

8:04

“Hey… dude?”

The voice echoes in my ears. The scene with Beatrice starts getting blurry and I feel like I lose her. I don’t want this. The voice sounds like someone is trying to wake me up from a deep sleep. It is annoying. I don’t know where is it coming from but it continues.

“Stop staring. You look like a creep.”

My eyes cannot focus; everything is foggy. I am not sure what I am doing; my mind cannot function properly. I turn my head to Alex unwillingly. He is sitting right next to me, with a very confused expression. The image is clear now. I can see him, I can hear him. I am still in the classroom.

“Snap out of it. Are you okay?”

He tries to whisper without luring the curious eyes.

It takes me a few seconds to process the question. I nod an unconvincing response. Still confused, I roam my eyes around me to see if anyone had noticed my daydreaming.

“I get that you like her but take it easy and get rid of that sociopath look. You scare me and definitely will scare her too.” He laughs.

Chris might have heard the conversation. He immediately steps in after Alex is finishing laughing.

“Of course he likes her. Who doesn’t? It looks like Beatrice makes miracles happen.” He laughs loudly to have everyone’s attention.

“Dude, she’s way out of your league. Step back.”

Those lines create a domino effect and everybody starts laughing.

I have been bullied again.

8:06 AM

With a disgusted and disappointed face, Beatrice turns her head towards me. We change blind words. Beatrice is hurt. She feels like shit right now. My feelings are bleeding out; I want to cry, to scream, to run. I couldn’t. My throat is clogged.

“Do you like me?” I am asking Beatrice, in my head.

No answer. The silence bounces and falls off my mind and sits between me and Beatrice. I am definitely going crazy. I slaughter my trust and my dignity, and for what? It is quite ridiculous to think that I’m crying over something that I don’t have; never had. Probably I’m selfish for keeping all these feelings, hopes, and dreams. It doesn’t matter now; it’s over.

That’s it, I broke the spell. The laughter turns into an irritating and annoying noise. It feels like my eardrums are stabbed with knives. Everything happens so fast, I cannot understand anything. I place my right hand on my forehead for few seconds, thinking about any possibility that I have to get out of this mess. Nothing. Somehow the taste of nicotine comes back slowly with a very bitter taste. I am trying to control my breathing because I feel like I am about to faint, but the air seems poisoned; seems like gas burning my nose and lungs. I should have stayed home.