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Sexual Frustration in a Hook-Up Culture

"That's not my clit dude!" or "Please no teeth!"

If you get your finger on the right spot, the juices flow... it is science.

As the saying goes, "variety is the spice of life," whilst that may be absolutely accurate when I am cooking my famous spaghetti Bolognese that has sprinkles of USA flavours in the form of oregano spice, or a taste of southern Spain, with a generous dash of paprika powder, that is not always a good thing when it comes to sex. Is that the collective mental gasps of naysayers echoing in these internet streets? Before we agree to disagree, read on...

Whilst variety may be great for getting different techniques or even learning different cultures it can be a little distracting/uncomfortable/painful if the person who has acquired these skills does not have the sexual acumen to execute these moves with grace and consideration. There is a fine line between the 'I know how to do sex' and 'we will have sex' performance types. Having multiple sexual partners does not actually guarantee good sex.

Performance reviews should be a thing.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Imagine for a second that after a wild night (or extremely calm two minutes) it was expected that there would be a performance review over snacks and refreshments. Each person would give their honest critique, tips for improvement and marks out of ten based on a number of areas namely oral sex, stroke technique, endurance, hip movements... this would be wonderful! Well, to me anyway. It would not only mean that we can actively be present in the moment, but we will also be the best lovers we can be in that session. Fantastic ego boost. This will also mean that every encounter can be customised to make sure that it is an enjoyable experience for both parties. 

In the real world, I think this would actually cause more problems than do any good. Too many women don't know their bodies well enough, and too many men have their whole self esteem wrapped around their sexual performance. This kind of openness and honesty often works well in a healthy relationship, where sex tends to get better with every session. Living in a hook up culture, a growing number of the population want their sex like they want their food: Fast, easy, and satisfying. So how can we exist in a busy world and still have fulfilling sex lives without the stress of a long term partner?

Here is some unsolicited, Earth shattering advice. Take notes... this will blow your mind!

When having sex with someone else, this is the foolproof way to make sure you both have an amazing time. ASK. I know it seems mad, who wants to be going at it and then suddenly stop and ask a question? The key is in the way that you ask. Sex is not the time for a full on interrogation. However, it is definitely the time for asking the "how does this feel" type questions, or "do you like this." LISTEN. The vocal cues (moans and groans) and body language (arched back, hands all over your body, toes curling, etc.) are all the answers you need to know whether or not you are on the right track. Where there is complete silence and zero feedback... it's perfectly okay to stop what you doing and then ASK what they would like.

One thing I have come to realise about human beings is, we LOVE talking about ourselves, especially if it's to do with increased sexual pleasure. So please do not be afraid to ask those questions. Perhaps we will have less road rage with more people walking around sexually fulfilled?

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