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What is going on with me? Is it hormones? Is there something animalistic dying to be released? I hope not. At this point, I think I'll take the raging hormones, to be honest. I don't want anything animalistic until I get more experience and I'm with a gal that is comfortable enough with me to want that—or the other way around with me, comfortable enough with a gal who likes it rough.
Alright, allow me to set up the groundwork. I'm still a virgin, but I'm also discovering what certain things feel like; for example, I just discovered what it feels like when a certain song puts you in the mood and what kind of moment would happen behind it.
Now for the story. I work at a hotel and I have two co-workers who I find really attractive, but I won't go for them because one has a boyfriend already and she's my supervisor as well, while the other has a boyfriend already, I think, or a husband—and she has a kid. So I went to sleep one night and I had a dream with my supervisor, Alexis. She's the one with only the boyfriend, but I'm not the kind of guy who'd try to take a gal away from her significant other. Anyway, I had this dream with Alexis and we were talking to each other at work when all of a sudden, she's not wearing pants. Basically, it might've ended with me performing cunnilingus on her. I'm not sure because the more I try to remember, the more unsure I get about it, but I know something happened.
Ever since that dream, I've been wondering whether or not if I have a crush on Alexis, and I don't want to explore that because—I can't stress this enough—I'm not that kind of guy. However, I have managed to find a bit of an outlet to let moments play out in my head, and I know it's not really healthy, but it's the best I can do (plus it's kind of getting everything out of my system, since I'm having a hard time feeling something lately). At least when it comes to feelings.
Have you ever heard a song that kind of makes you want to have sex? It doesn't matter who it is, even if it's the wrong person. For me, it's "High for This" by The Weeknd. I don't know what it is, but it's like when the song's beat hits and all, it's like I can see Alexis and I in bed with each other, kissing passionately while we move our bodies in sync along with her moaning. Then maybe she'd whisper something in my ear. I may find Alexis really beautiful and all, but I know for a fact that none of this would happen.
I'm not really a sexual guy, to be honest, and you can say I'm lying all you want or whatever, but I know what I do. So the question pops into my mind: Did I have a sexual awakening or do I just have a fantasy about Alexis? Well, if I'm being honest, it's more of a fantasy, but at the same time, it's not a sexual awakening for me either. It's a fantasy that's also a reminder that I still have it in me—even though I may not be having sex anytime soon.