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So, of course, if you have a child you are someone who is or has been sexually active, unless you're the main character in a soap opera. However, let's assume you are not. This also means that there is a good chance you like sex, may I even dare to say you love it? Well, I do. I love it. The only time in my life I did not like sex was when I was pregnant. But now that I am not and my hormones have more or less sorted themselves out, it is definitely one of the top things on my mind. Except there seems to be this problem with getting to have sex. It is a one-year-old, 25 pound human who wont leave us alone long enough to do anything.
Sex before a baby could be passionate, fun and in my case anyway, an all day activity. It was a way of exploring myself and my partner. It was a form of intimacy but also entertainment. It was not just about getting off but the art of getting it on. Now it seems more like a race to who can get off the fastest because we only have so long before the tiny human realizes we are not in the room and starts to scream.
What happens if—sorry when he starts to scream? Well, honestly most often my partner can't continue (if ya know what I mean) *cue sad sliding sound.* Other times we might be close enough that he gets to finish. But it has now become a pretty rare occurrence that I get to finish as well. Which makes the fact that we rarely have sex as it is even harder.
In all honesty, we had sex more when the baby was younger because he slept every few hours for a few hours at a time. Now that he only has one, maybe two naps a day we rarely get the chance to have alone time. When the baby is asleep now we are often cleaning, cooking, sleeping ourselves or not together. Even if on the rare chance we are awake and not doing anything, it is not uncommon for us to just be too tired to get it on.
We are also not two people who have lost the "spark." We are constantly touching and trying to love on each other but life gets in the way. A crying baby gets in the way or the exhaustion of being a parent.
So does this mean that sex and passion are gone? Well I for one certain hope not. I think I would go insane if this continued. However I don't expect it to be easy. I believe keeping our sex life interesting and fun will be challenging, especially if we decide to have more kids. I also believe that as my baby gets older he will become more independent and allow for more "alone time" between his dad and I. I mean, he has to move out eventually right?
Personally, the hardest part about having sex and intimacy is finding the time to create romance and passion. I am a stay at home mom, so the only time during the day that I get to myself is bathroom breaks and a shower (if I get one that day). So that means that typically I am exhausted and busy cooking, cleaning, driving to drop off/pick up my significant other, doing the shopping or caring for the baby. At the end of the day I am typically not in the mood to drop trow and seduce my man. We typically get around to having sex once or twice a week and it is always planned—which again takes away from any romance we may have.
Thinking about it, this answers all the questions about the stereotypes about marriage and loss of intimacy. It is not marriage per-say but instead the addition of children. Keeping intimacy alive when your world revolves around other little people is extremely difficult and takes a lot of work. If both partners are not interested in trying to keep the romance and intimacy alive then the relationship is bound to fall apart. This is especially true for relationships that start when one or both parties already have kids. Then you never get the beginning "honeymoon" stage of the relationship.
So, all in all, my decision is that kids ruin sex and it is near impossible to have a crazy sex life after having a baby.