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Whether the relationship lasted nine months or three and a half years, my boyfriend and potential suitors have all said the same thing; "She’s too boring","Bitch won’t put out, must have an ugly body", and my all-time favorite, "I was only trying to get in her bed."
I am not a prude, I am not a bitch. There was nothing wrong with me, and I had a decent life. But still, everybody expected me to have a reason for not wanting to have sex in my relationships. I remember listening to my ex talking to his friend who hadn’t had sex in two weeks, and feeling my heart break when my ex replied with, "Yeah? Try not having sex for two years." That ended up being a lie, because he ended up cheating on me when I didn’t want to have sex after a month.
And speaking of cheating, not wanting to have sex does NOT excuse cheating on your significant other. I was talking to two of my old guy friends who told me I deserved to be cheated on, that I shouldn’t be holding my man back from sex. And that killed me because it didn’t take long for me to start thinking that I was the problem in all my relationships, that I need to put out to keep someone in my life.
It took me four years to finally stop thinking like that.
I am not comfortable with the idea of sex. Sure, I will admit now that I had a casual encounter with a man, but I regret it. But, there are others who stray from sex because of life events they wish they could take away.
You could be calling your ex bitchy or standoffish, but how do you know something hasn’t happened in their past to make them strain from a sexual relationship? Have you ever considered there is a reason that they wouldn’t want to have sex, why they restrain from that kind of physical contact? You cannot expect someone to want to jump into a sexual relationship, no matter their background.
And for those who keep asking themselves if they are the problem, if they need to change themselves for their SO’s, you are VALID. You do NOT need to change yourself. You do NOT need to change for anybody but yourself. You do NOT need to put yourself into uncomfortable situations because of someone who claims they love you. If they really love you, they will keep patient, they will love you and everything about you, they would never ask you to change.
Never feel like you need to put out just because they threaten to leave you. That is manipulation and should be treated with a zero tolerance rule set.
You deserve better.
You will find better.
Never settle for less than what you deserve. You will find that person that loves you for you and cares about your rules and boundaries.