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Penis Enlargment Guide

Whether you're packing a shotgun or a water pistol between your legs, a few extra inches of penis enlargement sure wouldn't hurt.

"It ain't the meat, it’s the motion." So go the lyrics of a popular old song, but try telling it to a guy with a 3" dick!

More and more, today’s liberated ladies, as greedy as the rest of us, are looking for size as well as style in their sexual encounters, and to a large number of women, size can be everything. "With a smaller man, you've got to work so much harder for the same results," says one woman. "Sure, you can get the same results, but it's so much easier with a large penis."

A second woman stated the case even more forthrightly: "Honey, when a guy's got 8-9" for me, he's just got to find the right hole and I’m happy." With the average penis measuring 6" in length, it's obvious that such women are setting their sights a trifle high, but that’s little solace for the less-endowed fellow enviously wishing for a penis the size of a porn star's. Of course, such oversized tools do exist, but they're about as rare as 7' men. The normal erect penis ranges from 4-6" in length and from about 1 1/4-1 1/2" in diameter.

Any man who fits somewhere into these averages is fully equipped to satisfy the average woman. Forgetting the preponderance of echoing-cunt jokes and illustrations of fearfully large vaginas, the usual depth from vulva to interior is 5 1/2-6". The walls of the vagina can stretch or contract depending on what is necessary to fit her partner's penis. When a woman is with a man who is smaller than average, the resilient and agile vagina can easily adapt and close in tighter.

Not every woman is willing to adapt, however, and many experienced women will point out the difference between having their vagina merely filled and having it stuffed to the gills. And quite aside from the purely physical sensations there remains the aesthetic aspect. Any man unable to understand a female's preference for large cocks need only ask himself which is more likely to catch his eye: a big-breasted woman or a similarly attractive but small-breasted specimen. 

Nature vs Nurture

Penis size is hereditary. If your grandfather was hung to the floor, chances are good that you will be, too. If nature gave gramps a cocktail shrimp for a prick, you'll most likely be afflicted with the same misfortune. In either case, for better or for worse, the final dimensions of the penis are reached just after puberty—and that, we are told, is that.

Or is it? The poor soul longing for a tool that’s bigger than a breadbox might be foolish, but he's not necessarily being unrealistic. In recent years, medical science, in its selfless quest to satisfy our vanity, has begun to take a man's desire for a sizable tool as seriously as a female's desire for bigger breasts, bagless eyes, and a shapelier bottom. The motto of today is, after all, why be satisfied with what we have when we can do better?

As with earlier forms of plastic surgery, many of the genital reconstructive operations are currently reserved for victims of injury, paralysis, or impotence. Some of the techniques remain in the experimental stage, and results are often highly controversial. Luckily, surgery is not the only method with proven results. Both researchers and patients have claimed successful penis growth through a variety of methods that include male hormones, wonder drugs, pumping and stretching machines, and simple but constant masturbation. 

History of Penis Enlarging Technologies

If science is only now finding practical methods for expanding a man's most prized possession, it isn’t from any lack of trying in the past. Man's desire to increase his genital size goes back a very long way, propelled by instincts far more weighty than mere narcissism and the desire to drive women wild. Instincts for survival and procreation, what theorists call "ancient race memories," are a direct link to our earliest ancestors. Once upon a time, the story goes, all men were hung like horses. It was tricky business to be a caveman, and to keep human beings from going the way of the brontosaurus, he had to breed faster than the elements could kill him off. A large reproductive organ made sure that sperm reached its destination inside the little cavewoman and mankind stayed around, evolving to his present status and populating the earth until man was no longer at the risk of extinction.

Despite evolution's decree, man retained a soft spot in his heart for the oversized organ; Women, of course, retained a soft spot for it elsewhere. Early civilizations, such as the Egyptian, Babylonian, and Greek, were rife with phallus cults. In these religious or semi-religious cults, the penis was worshipped and revered as the sacred symbol of fertility, maleness, and strength. Together, the phallic artifacts of these cultures would today make for a warehouse full of dildos.

In ancient pictures, murals, wall drawings, and sculptures, penises stretched prodigiously from crotch to shoulders and beyond. Everywhere in this pre-Christian era, the adoration of the grand-scale penis was unabashed, from the graphic temple drawings of Khajuhiro in India to the scrawled graffiti on the walls of Pompeii. With the advent of Christianity, though, the worship of the cock went underground and became a private, even sublimated affair. Despite the disapproval of the Church and society at large, there were many who could not leave the penis alone. Whether for scientific or personal gain, interested parties conducted strange and sometimes painful experiments.

Historians of the court of the Borgias, for example, found records and devices used for trying to lengthen the penis. Quite simply, the court physician used a series of weights, attaching them to the penis with a series of leather thongs to make a complicated harness that allowed the pressure of the weights to be gradually increased. The journal relating to these experiments, written in Latin, proclaims definite, if modest, success. It is unfortunate that the journal does not mention by name which royal personage was getting his dong stretched. History, alas, is full of such crucial gaps. 

Modern Women and Penis Size

Many modern women partake in a gentle conspiracy to reassure their lovers. Veronica, an attractive brunette from Dallas, Texas, who now works in Manhattan, explained it this way: "Look, it’s hard enough to find a man who wants to fuck you at all in this town. Everybody's married, involved, gay, or celibate. If you find a guy you like and he likes to fuck, you don't kick him out because his cock’s a little small. And you don’t tell him what you think unless you want to say goodbye to him. What you do is tell him he's great, just what you want or whatever."

Veronica's roommate, Janice, a stewardess, is considerably more picky. "I look for that bulge in the guy’s pants," she explained. "How else can you get a hint before you squeeze him or take his clothes off? I’ve made mistakes, though, and I’ve been tricked a few times. Once I got home with this hunk and dragged his underpants down thinking I'd be sticking 8" of meat into my mouth. Instead I found a pair of socks rolled up and 2" of nothing!"

Clearly, with such women on the loose, many a man is willing to do whatever is necessary to increase his proportions, even if only by the slightest fraction. The methods for increasing the size of one's penis range from outright quackery to serious science. Certainly, we do not recommend that you try any of these methods without strict medical supervision.

On the medical front, there have been disputed results claimed for the use of the male hormone testosterone and chorionic gonadotropin. While normally used on small children when early growth is not apparent, adults who have made regular surface application of these hormones say they were able to increase their penis sizes up to 1" or more.

One common cause for a penis looking less impressive than it might is the deviation called Peyronie's disease, where the penis makes an approximately 45-degree curve to one side. Medical cures are now available for Peyronie's disease, but many women actually like curved cocks. Our friend the stewardess had this to say: "The kind that bend? Yeah, I like them. It makes for more friction in my cunt as I move around—as long as it’s big enough."

Different Strokes for Different Folks

Some men complain that the penis gets smaller as they get older. The remedy for this can be most pleasurably administered, involving nothing more than increased sexual stimulation. Depending on the circumstances of the individual—boredom, overwork, or any number of factors (such as weight or being out of shape) can combine to constrict the amount of blood rushing to the penis. The less swollen the organ, the smaller the erection. If it happens often enough, the person is liable to believe he has had some permanent shrinkage. The solution to the problem is greater concentration on the act and stronger preliminary arousal, either from sexual material or from your partner, or—your best bet—both.

Other men's problems are far more serious. For the impotent man doctors have come up with a variety of implants and prosthetic devices. In most cases, a tunnel is made under the skin of the penis and a cylindrical splint is inserted. Some of these implants produce a state of permanent erection. Spring-driven devices allow it to be snapped up or down depending on the occasion. An improvement on this technique is an experimental device used in some test cases. By a series of interlocking implants, the penis can be snapped from flaccid to fully erect, much like a collapsible spyglass. Such a spectacle might seem more laughable than arousing, but for the poor wretch who needs something desperately, it offers some consolation. At any rate, while these devices are primarily for the injured and diseased, the same procedures can be applied to a man with normally functioning equipment who merely wants to have his shaft lengthened and thickened.

Ray L., a California architect, was one courageous—or perhaps crazy—individual who decided to have his penis increased by this method. "I’m happy with it," Ray says, "I was just too small. I was becoming neurotic about it. Even when a girl didn't do a thing wrong I thought she was disappointed with me or would be making fun of me behind my back. So I got it done. The implant made me twice as thick around and gave me about 3" more in length. That puts me at a nice, fat 7 1/2" inches, enough to make most women fall down and drool... know what I mean?"

Other men have claimed increases by such dubious methods as slappings and beatings. Many favor the "vigorous fellatio" system, involving long, blisteringly vigorous blow-jobs. It’s debatable whether his system was devised by someone who wanted his penis stretched or someone who just liked getting head.

An even simpler method that has some scientific backing was explained to us by Dr. Anastasia Navrakov, whose sex therapy Clinic in Rabat, Morocco, was patterned after the Clinique Lemana in Switzerland, where Professor Paul Niehans developed his cellular therapy for sexual rejuvenation. Dr. Navrakov, who studied under the famous Dr. Asland of Rumania, found that the simplest and most effective way to accomplish small, steady increases was by constant masturbation.

"Ja," she said. "A hard, steady pumping motion is called for, extending the penis to its maximum on the downward stroke and holding for several seconds before lifting up again." With just a hint of mischief in her eyes, the aging Slav added, "I stroke a few of the lazier ones myself. I can tell you it wakes them up pretty well... nein?"

Penis Enlarging Products

Of the products on sale over the counter, with no medical approval necessary, massaging and pumping machines, like the Hercules by Hydromax, seem to have given satisfaction to many. The results may not bring the person up to an astounding 14", but even slight increases can be satisfying for the man looking for more than what nature gave him. Certainly, before looking into such drastic measures as surgery one would be recommended to try one of the easily available items.

Evolution, it seems, is at odds with a man’s desires—not to mention a woman’s. Are our penises going to continue to get smaller and smaller as they have since the time of our heavy-hung prehistoric ancestors? If so, we can rest assured that science will not let the process go unchecked. Perhaps in the near future, if they get their priorities straight, doctors will perfect cosmetic surgery for the penis as they have for a woman's breasts. And then, one day, who knows—maybe we can all be ten-inch studs. But in the meantime, try what solutions man has developed, such as Hydromax's Hercules. If a hydropump is not for you, we have also included a few more primitive methods of penis enlargement, as well as some solutions to looking bigger than you actually are.

Hercules by Hydromax

Hydromax's Hercules is the original patented hydropump, and is also the world's best-selling penis enlargement device. Used by thousands of men over 70 countries, Hercules is sure to measure up to your expectations. Used in the bath or shower, Hercules can bring you optimal penis health in addition to length, leading to even harder and longer-lasting erections.

Weighting the Wang Method

  1. Tie a heavy object (a rock, bowling ball, or small piece of furniture will do nicely) to the end of your penis.
  2. Keep in place until you are permanently stretched to the desired length.

Caution: Consult your tailor before venturing out in public.

Air-Inflation Method

  1. Tie a good, heavy piece of rope around the base of your unit.
  2. Insert a football pump in the tip and inflate to desired size; then remove pump, cork firmly and GO ΤΟ ΙΤ ΒLΙΜΡΙΕ!

Caution: DΟ ΝΟΤ allow rope to loosen during or after inflation.

Vacuum Expansion Method

  1. Place noodle in the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner.
  2. Turn on the juice.
  3. Repeat process of alternating the suction from high to low which will give you an "extra" thrill.
  4. Continue in this manner until your meat has grown to the desired dimensions or the nozzle has gotten too "sticky" to hold.

Caution: Don’t let yourself be "sucked in" by deluxe high-compression models.

Tool In-Tow Method

  1. Tie yourself to a telephone pole.
  2. Tie your tool to the back of a pick-up truck that looks like it has a lot of power... four-wheel drive will help greatly.
  3. Yell something appropriate like "let er rip," and have the driver step on the gas pedal.

Caution: Carefully instruct the driver not, repeat NOT, to floor it

Primate Pud-Pulling Method

  1. Paint your pecker a brilliant shade of yellow, being careful not to miss any spots on the head.
  2. Take a leisurely stroll through the monkey house while trying to act casual and non-chalant.

Caution: Make sure you leave with all you went in with.

Tips to Look Well-Hung

  1. Avoid a shriveled penis. The flaccid penis is in neutral, unextended, unexcited, and unimpressive. The surest way to enlarge your organ is to lose that wrinkled look for good. Before dressing, shake and stroke the penis until it is erect. If you feel yourself starting to shrink, another dose of rubbing or masturbation is needed. Before long you'll find that a semi-erection is almost constant, leaving you more impressive as well as readier than ever for sex.
  2. Clothes are important. Clothing that is loose, baggy, and asexual takes the mind off the genitals. Underwear is the most important ingredient, briefs being far preferable to shorts. After achieving a hard-on, pull the briefs snugly into place, making them bulge out at the crotch. Trousers should be worn close enough to the crotch so that the penis bulge will extend along the leg. This outrageous evidence of a big cock will draw women like a magnet.
  3. According to researchers such as Dr. Navrakov, constant, rugged masturbation is a proven method for extending the penis. Theoretically, the constant exercising of the penis will strengthen and enlarge it, following much the same principles as weightlifting for the pecs and biceps. By forcing the erectile tissues to work harder, it is possible to stretch their dimensions.
  4. Oral sex is also good for lengthening your penis, and the idea of being vigorously sucked off is far more exciting than masturbating. The increased stimulation resulting from an eager blow-job leads to a stronger, longer erection. Have your partner suck hard, clasping the swollen head between her lips and pulling with long, unwavering movements. She should hold the balls with both hands, pulling them tight against the base of the shaft and directing all pressure against the penis.
  5. While some online equipment may be specious, the well-tested items, such as the Hydromax Hercules pump, have pleased numerous customers. A constant application of the device can strengthen, lengthen, and thicken the penis by as much as several inches, according to its adherents.
  6. Inches can be gained or lost depending on the intensity of the erection. Make it a rule never to ejaculate before your maximum dimensions have been reached. A big penis, fully stimulated, will give you more pleasurable orgasms than a half-hearted hard-on.
  7. One of the most effective devices for keeping your cock large and hard is the cock ring. Cock rings are made several ways. Some are elastic, much like a rubber band, while others are leather, clamping under your scrotum like a belt. The principle behind the use of both types, however, is to keep the flow of blood from leaving the penis—and consequently, maintaining the erection. While it’s this control of blood flow which makes the cock ring so effective, for many guys it's the psychological impact of wearing the device which keeps them hard. One can’t help but feel like a porn star when your pistol is packed in one of these macho, leather-studded holsters.

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