Lapsed

Rosebud.

So quoth Charles Foster Kane, in that quintessential (some say greatest) of all American classic cinematic gems: Orson Welles's undisputed masterpiece Citizen Kane.

...However, Welles never foresaw a day when perverted wankers such as moi would surf the highways and byways of that veritable virtual Sodom, the internet, in order to come across (no pun) an entirely different sort of entertainment, one wherein the short, undeniably sweet sobriquet of "Rosebud" is employed in an entirely unrelated context.

Come one, come all, and come your brains out to the wild, wacky world of PROLAPSE PORN.

Yes, friends and neighbors (and churchgoers of every persuasion), there is an entire sub genre of pornography—hard, graphic, gruesome and sickening porno, the likes of which, at one time, would only have been distributed by South American drug kingpins and white slavers—wherein lesbians blow their prolapsed assholes out through their... Assholes, while other so-eager lesbians actually get down and lick the weird, gory-looking inner, ah, tube, one supposes; sometimes, as in the video I watched of "Dirty Garden Girl" and her lover (dressed, appropriately enough, in a slutty killer bee costume) get it on, Garden Girl's bitch covered the meaty, disgusting thing in dripping, sticky honey before sucking it like a giant candy turd. One doesn't know whether to spank or puke. Or, maybe, both—simultaneously.

The prolapse sucker then sucks a monster black trouser mamba, thus affirming for the audience that she goes both ways. (Was there ever any doubt?)

Licking is not all that goes on here. There are videos on Porn Hub of "prolapse parties" (clips from the similarly named website), where porno bitches of various ages lie around in huge beds with their fingers, toes and tongues up each other's assholes, hoping to get the little red flesh balloons to pop out. The "rosebud," as it is called; as we mentioned up front.

Mostly these videos have bad camerawork. Bad, amateurish; but, you see some old whorehouse madam-type sticking her huge hooks up some young ginch's slender-on-the-way-to-stretched-out anal ring, causing the bored little doll to moan, shiver and groan with the resultant neural kick.

And these bitches spit all over this nasty thing, suck it like an oversized butt plug, and fondle it between their toes. "Tastes just like chicken," says one, a mocha-froth of feminine juice and human dung dripping from her lower lip.

(Just joshing.)

Actually, supposedly, someone said it smells like blood and tastes like roast beef. I wouldn't know, personally; this is one area guys of porn (I am not one of those, really) ever venture into. This is all-girl fun, strictly for the lesbian market (which, of course, is mostly consumed by males that like the idea of their girlfriends licking the labia of another luscious lady); and for those with the attention-span of insects.

Because, really, that's what this gross-out porn shit is all about. I would venture to say that virtually no one, outside the very, very kinky, get into popping out the prolapsed assholes of their partner for a little licky-poo. No. This isn't about pleasure; it's about capturing that spergy segment of the porn-viewing market that is too ADD to spend much time with regular fucking, sucking and ginch-gobbling. They flip though videos pretty damn quickly, so... Give them something really shocking, truly perverse and gross. And they'll stay at your website, and watch your videos. And make you more MONEY.

Hence, gobble that rosebud, Rosie! We got perverts to bilk.

Someone in another online article called it the "Faces of Death" of porn. That's an apt comparison. Watching bitches orgy over their bulging, prolapsed anal cavities is like looking at an erotic car wreck, shades of J.G. Ballard notwithstanding. Perhaps we should recall what Ragnar Redbeard said, in 1890, about modern sexuality degenerating into a "Stygian sewer." Perhaps we can just fit our dicks in our hands and go to town.

But, after jacking to this shit, you do feel... Dirty, somehow. Not quite guilty, but still... Nervous. As if this repellent, yet still perfectly LEGAL form of porno were still, somehow... Criminal. You may begin to feel sick with yourself; you may begin to question your own mental health. (As well as wonder just how much money do you have to actually pay bitches to do this shit on video.)

You may begin to give away prized possessions, suffer radical changes in sleep or appearance; run away from home, talk about or attempt suicide.

(Okay, maybe that is going a bit far.)

"Dirty Garden Girl" (alternately: "Dirtygarden Girl") is a sort of pasty-assed milf with a flesh tone the color of skim milk, and a so-so body. She looks as if she might have freshened up my coffee at Sunshine Cafe in Muncie, Indiana back around the year 1998. Porn star Gabriella Paltrova, however, has a nice, fine dark complexion (she's Armenian), and is possessed of a ghetto booty that is absolutely out of this world. She also, just like fellow porno goddess Annie Cruz, has titanic orgasms, with the added attraction that she makes the most adorable, comic faces (with eyes slightly crossed) when she's coming. AND, she popped my cherry (er, rosebud?) when it comes to prolapsed asshole porn.

Gabriella stars in one of my favorite Porn Hub clips, wherein she and a kind of vacant blonde go at it hot and heavy, culminating (climaxing?) in Gabriella lifting her legs back behind her scrumptious little head, and exposing her hot little love oven for the tingling tongue of her lesbian paramour.

Eventually, after some run-of-the-mill slit-slurping, Gabriella manages to pop out a luscious little love nugget of ass cavity, exposing, if not a full rosebud, something fairly close and moist and meaty. (We're not anatomists here, folks. Maybe this was just a really bloody turd that was absorbed back into the bowels of La Paltrova. How the fuck should we know?)

The vacant blonde, looking directly at the camera, pops out her light pink tongue and runs the tip across this tingling shit partition, exciting the nerve endings of her video fuck mate and assuring that I would be abusing myself to this particular sleazy scene, over, and over, and over again.

Never gets old. Never.

What the fuck else can I say? I'll leave you with a quote from Shakespeare.

"A rose by any other name doth smell as sweet."

But, in these damn videos, I'm going to go ahead and assume that that just. Isn't. So.

So.