If Not for Nothing

I laid in bed, wondering, how did I get to this point? Missing someone, missing something, I didn’t have very long. Feeling the faint fingertips run over my arms, skin prickling. I closed my eyes as a pair of eyes looked back at me, drowning black as I fell deep. Lips and teeth casually nipping and pulling at me. I reached my hand up for my hair, ruffling it as I turned onto my side, hoping if I changed positions the thoughts would suddenly just disappear.

They didn’t.

It made them worse.

“You’ve got some balls thinking you would come here and not be trapped. Did you really think you could just get away from me like that? Did you honestly think that I wouldn’t leave a stain on you? You poor little kitty... you’ve got a lot to learn, don’t you?”

I didn’t answer.

“Yes, you do. You’ve got a lot to learn. And I’m going to teach you.”

I sat up in my bed, the sultry voice chasing me as I slinked out of bed and to my bathroom.

“You should probably think about putting your bonnet on that precious hair of yours or suffer split ends out the ass.”

“Please just stop, please,” I sat on the toilet, rubbing my hands down my face, rubbing the delusion out of my mind. If I could. I thought I could.

“You can’t get rid of me. I’m deep inside of you. Always will be. I’m a part of you now. A very large part of you. Accept me. Swallow me like you’ve done since that first night.”

I tore a piece of toilet paper off of the roll, hurriedly wiping myself. Flushing and then turning on the faucet, waiting for the cold water to run hot. Hot was the best. It killed germs, it killed memories.

“Not me, though. It can’t kill me. I’m eternal.”

I shook my head, washing my hands then drying them before jumping back into my bed. The moon was heavy, its light piercing through my shades, casting shadows throughout the room. I turned over onto my back, my eyes following the lines along my wall made from the moon. Starting off thick, then slimming, diagonal. I closed my eyes again, feeling that swell of heat forming from the lower part of my stomach, warming my bottom against my bed, and making the rise and fall of my chest so much more apparent to me. My nipples hardened under my T-shirt, brushing against it with every move.

“And what now, kitty, are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about you,” I finally gave in, answering.

The voice laughed, softly, a light brushing of laughter. Seductive.

“What about me, kitty? What about me are you thinking about? Tell me.”

I caressed my own breasts under my shirt, remembering. “I’m thinking about you touching me.”

“Spare me your school girl act. What. Are. You. Thinking. About? What am I doing to you, right now?”

I clutched the top of my thin shorts, pulling down as I welcomed my free hand inside, feeling the coarseness of my pubic hairs against it on its way downward. Fingers trailing along the edge of that soaking wet place, so much hot air rising from it.

“You’re being awfully gentle, aren’t you? Is that something I would do to you, my little kitty?”

I shook my head, thrusting a finger inside as it brought forth a gasp. Harsh breaths rose from my lips, escaping into the dimly lit room.

“Mmmm, much better, kitty. Much, much better. Don’t stop until I tell you to stop, do you understand? Don’t stop until you’re running all over your hand, soaking up your shorts, soaking through them and onto your sheets. Don’t stop until I tell you it’s done.”