How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Sexual Needs

Sex is a lot like pizza—everyone has a particular style that they enjoy, and even the really bad plain stuff isn't too awful. Even so, it's undeniable that having bad sex on a regular basis can put a serious damper on a relationship.

For many people, sexual incompatibility is a dealbreaker. It's a good idea, too, when you consider the problems that bad sex can spark. Needless to say, it's crucial to talk to your partner about your sexual needs.

Most people will be more than willing to do what they can to please someone they want to be with. In order to do that, they will need to know what their partners want.

If you want your partner to be better in bed, you need communication in the bedroom. This kind of chat isn't easy to deal with, so if you're feeling lost, try these tips on for size.

Timing is important.

The worst mistakes people do when it comes to talking about sex is doing it way too early. Going at it too early is a very poor decision that will make you look creepy and put off potential dates.

It's great to talk to your partner about your sexual needs when you've been dating for a while and you're about to get it on. If you waited a bit longer and it's been months or even years, that's okay too. It's better late than never.

It's not great to talk to someone you've literally gone on one date with about the kinks they're interested in. That makes you look creepy, and could make your potential date feel used, grossed out, or otherwise uncomfortable.

Before you have sex, it's best to rip the bandage off and talk about limits.

The best time to talk about your sexual needs with your partner is before you have sex. This way, they will know what to expect and what to avoid. Things like your personal limits, your interests, and even birth control should be talked about at length before you do anything. Otherwise, you're going to run into a lot of assumptions—and those can quickly ruin an otherwise good time.

If you want to talk to your partner about your sexual needs before you hit the bedroom, ask your partner about their needs first.

A little bluntness goes a long way. Most people who are in a relationship with someone will not mind talking about fulfilling their sexual fantasies with their partners. It's likely your partner may have been wanting to talk about sex with you, but didn't know how to broach it.

By letting them talk first, you allow yourself to talk about your fantasies with them and find a common ground. You might even be shocked to find out that you have similar fantasies.

If you need to give them guidance during bed, use your moans to let them know when they're doing something right.

Studies have shown that both men and women react positively to hearing their partners moan during sex. It's seen as a great form of encouragement and an easy way to show your partner when they're doing things right.

Something as simple as an "Mmm, yes!" can give them the confidence and motivation they need to keep on pleasing you while doing the deed.

While you're having sex, don't be afraid to guide them gently.

Is there something you want them to do? Tell them in a suggestive, gentle manner while you're getting lucky. A good suggestion can be pretty sexy, especially if it sounds like like, "Mm, yes! Touch me down there... it feels so good."

With this kind of communication, it's often best to let your passion and arousal guide you. Depending on what you say, this actually can count as talking dirty—and you know how sexy that can be to hear.

Speaking from experience, this method is one of the easiest ways to talk to your partner about your sexual needs. Since it's the heat of the moment, they will most likely listen to you loud and clear.

Broach the subject by introducing them to elements that turn you on.

Let's say you want to try something a little kinky, and aren't quite sure how your partner will react to it. It's okay, it happens. Sometimes, it may be a better idea to test the waters by seeing how they react to certain elements of kink.

If you've been wanting to try bondage, ask them to watch 50 Shades of Grey with you. If you're a fan of cosplay sex, bring them to a convention. If you've been wanting to talk to your girlfriend about having a threesome, just ask them about who they think is the most attractive of their friends.

By getting them into it slowly, you can gauge your partner's reaction. If they react poorly, you might want to back off. If they seem curious, it's a good time to talk to your partner about your sexual needs.

Be tactful, and don't complain unless things are really going downhill.

People are very sensitive about their sex skills. Like, really sensitive. It's not unheard of for people to actually get emotionally scarred from one offhanded remark about their ability to perform in bed.

When you broach anything about sex, be as tactful as humanly possible. Don't complain; rather, suggest.

It takes two to tango.

Talking is, and always will be, a two-way street. To be able to talk to your partner about your sexual needs, you also need to be willing to listen to then discuss theirs.

On a similar note, if your partner shuts down your request to talk or otherwise invalidates it, there's nothing you can really do to make things work out. You can't have a conversation without both people interested.

At this point, you might need to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with that person. Things won't get better.

Don't be afraid to ask simple questions.

You would be surprised at how much sex can change when you ask really simple, basic question. Finding out your partner's favorite position, what time of day they're most randy, or even what movie scene they find to be the hottest can tell you volumes about them.

It's okay to ask simple questions. Simple questions give you a good foundation and allow your partner to learn about yourself, too.

Finally, there's no point in talking if both parties aren't listening.

Consent is something you need to be aware of when you're choosing to have sex with another person.

Part of choosing to talk to your partner about your sexual needs is learning what acts they consider to be too much for them. It's also listening to what they like, and having them listening to what you like.

You cannot learn how to be a better lover for your partner without listening to their wants and needs. You can't even learn how to be a better partner. So, if they tell you something, listen to them and abide by it. You'll both be happier together if you do.