For You I Will - Chapter Three

Author's note: For those of you who are here for the smut, it's temporarily been put on hold. I promise it will return in the next chapter. Also, from here on out, there will be graphic topics that aren't suited for some audiences. I in no way condone sexual or physical abuse nor do I condone child abuse.

Rewind:

"Emery, can't you possibly get out of my way? For once in your fucking life."

I was no older than fifteen. It was autumn and I had recently started the tenth grade. It was four pm and I was moping the kitchen floor.

"Sorry Mom." She was the one who had asked me to mop the floors.

She was searching the kitchen for food. There wasn't anything. She'd just spent all the child support money on other things. Alcohol, cocaine... it was possible she had gotten various other drugs too but she had openly told me to watch the girls so she could go score some coke.

"Aren't drugs supposed to make you skinny?" I muttered under my breath as I passed by.

She tightly took hold of my arm, snarling in my face. My attempt to get away failed when she got too close, making me smell the beer leaking from her pores, and body odor. Ducking, I ended up being pushed against the door knob to outside.

"I read your diary, you know?" Her yellow teeth were about two inches from my face.

Jess was starting to feel left out because of Lea being born. She was our mother's evil henchman until Lea was deemed as Mother's favorite. With that being said, Jess had found a new hobby. A great way to get into Mother's good graces. Ratting me out any chance she got, firing our mother up. She was eleven and brooding. We weren't best friends by any means before Lea was born but going forward we were clearly on the same page about the lack of positive feelings we shared for each other.

I was completely mortified, that's all there was to it. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought anyone would ever read that diary.

"Emery, I didn't raise you to be this repulsive thing you've become."

"You've barely raised me at all." I spat.

Her eyes burned red. Lunging at me, she whacked me hard. I got knocked onto the freshly mopped floor. Shocked and smelling lemony fresh, I laid down there in a slump. Had my own mother actually done that? Yes. It wasn't too surprising considering our past.

My face flushed hot, feverishly. The seat of my jeans were soaked through with soapy water. I struggled to gain balance in order to pull myself up.

Furiously my mother ripped the cereal cupboard door open, snatching the worn purple composition notebook where I'd written my deepest, darkest thoughts. Flipping through it, she tore pages of it out, throwing them onto the floor without care. One passage in particular seemed to catch her eye. She waved it under my nose before reading it aloud.

"There's a girl I see sometimes at the library. She has the palest skin and ripest, milky breasts that peek out of the shirts she wears. I wonder what they taste like."

Hearing my personal thoughts read out loud that way sent me over the edge. I twisted around to leave the house but she was too quick. Rage had overcome her. I was shoved backwards by all of her body weight. I tried not to gag while wondering when the last time she had showered was.

"You aren't leaving this house you can prove to me you're normal."

Fighting back tears, I scoffed. "I'm clearly not. Isn't that the point?"

For five days, I was locked in my room. The only time I was let out was to go to school. I had to go to the bathroom? Too bad. My hair was greasy enough to make French fries with the oil? Not Mother's problem. I wasn't fed either, even after she got food stamp money.

Kate had started sneaking me food rations to me from the window. It was hard for her to do so without getting caught. When my mother wanted something she went above and beyond to get it. If only she was that dedicated to finding a job.

By the fifth day, Kate messed up and Jess caught her, busting us both. My mother decided to take her anger for me out on Kate. When I heard her wailing for my mother to stop, I couldn't stomach it.

"It's just good discipline." She'd told us before.

I had enough. I couldn't sit there trapped while listening to my little sister getting beat by our mother so I climbed out the window. Raced to the front door. Inside, I yanked Kate away from her.

"Get the fuck away from her, you'll turn her gay."

I shoved Mother away from me. As I led Kate into the bathroom I saw she was bleeding from under her eye.

"Why does she hurt us?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Kate."

It fueled her? She was fucked up. I chose not to try to dissect the inner workings of her brain.

"She's troubled, I guess." I said at last.

Kate sat still while I cleaned her wounds.

"I heard her." She broke a long pause.

I stopped dabbing at the cut. "Heard what?"

"What she was reading from your diary. Was it about the pretty girl with the piercings?"

The library was our safe place. Jess showed no interest in tagging along. She'd rather sit at my mother's feet and watch soap operas with her, listening to her dote on baby Lea. That left Kate and I to go as we pleased. We went to scour for books at least once a week, usually more.

"Yeah." I quietly murmured. "The girl with the piercings."

Kate smiled. "It's okay you know."

I wasn't sure if she was talking about the same thing I was. "What to do you mean?"

"You like the girl like I like my soccer ball." She giggled. "It's okay. If you want to kiss her, it would be okay."

It was my turn to smile. "Well, you do like soccer quite a bit."

* * *

A few weeks later, I was alone in my room when there was a knock on the door. I swung it open to see my mother and behind her stood a dark haired lanky girl.

"Emery, this is Kirsten. She's going to be your girlfriend."

I'd never seen this girl in my life. "No?"

My mother snickered, cuffing me across the face. "I don't remember giving you a choice. You two get undressed. Kirsten's dad will be in on here momentarily."

I had a lot to say but no ability to say it, like my words were stuck in my throat.

The door slammed shut. Kirsten looked back at me with a blank state.

"You're not okay with this are you?" I squeaked.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be." Those were the first words Kirsten ever spoke to me.

I was mostly frozen in fear. Vomit had risen up but I swallowed it.

"C'mon." She urged me. "My dad's paying your mom a lot of money for this."

I should've been dumbfounded. Sadly, I wasn't. I don't know why I hadn't thought about that to begin with. Everything was fair game as long as she got a payday without getting up off her ass.

I sat cross-legged on my bed. A few tears had escaped despite how hard I tried to keep them from coming. Kirsten seemed appalled by it.

"It's not like you're getting raped or anything. Jesus. Stop acting like such a baby."

To me, it was difficult to discern whether the girl was just heartless and cold, uncaring or if she was truly that empty inside.

"Dad's going to be here soon. Trust me, he doesn't like being told no."

She lifted her shirt up to reveal a collection of bruises. My heart went out to her but I caught myself before I responded. I couldn't look away.

"Yeah. So, if you could just go along with this, it would be easier for both of us. I'll even be your girlfriend. Just know, I'm no queer."

I was too dazed by all the new information to properly react.

Kirsten shuffled over to me. She gave me a look of pure desperation. It was one of the only times I ever seen her scared.

"Please. Just do this one thing for me."

A wire in me must have snapped in that moment. I wanted to help her, maybe we could help each other.

Foot steps grew near. Without thinking, I grabbed a hold of her just as the door opened. We shared a kiss for the camera. My first real kiss and it was with a sobbing girl, filmed for a some sick pervert.