Dark Side

I was standing in the dark with my doggie, loving the moment of peace after a mind blowing success at the conference that day. I wanted to scream how happy I was! I was 33, I had a husband who I had been married to for nine years, and a two year old daughter. I had a great job, and I was applauded by the whole company that day. The only thing that avoided me for years was love. Or I avoided it persistently, by telling myself that I had to love my husband. Apparently it doesn’t work that way.

The man was walking his dog too, and when he got closer to me I physically felt his eyes on me, and I felt the urge to look in his eyes. Only moonlight, and a flickering light above us.

When he spoke to me all I could hear was his velvety voice. Something about my nice dog, and my beautiful Russian name; he kept saying my name over and over again to remember, and he had no idea his voice kept penetrating my heart, slicing it every time with that raspiness. And then I ran like a coward home.

I looked for him every day, but never saw him until a year later.

That day I was holding my daughter’s hand, standing next to our house waiting on Uber to take us to a fun birthday party, when I heard the sound of a fallen bike. A six year old girl was laying on the ground holding her scratched knee. She was so brave when her brother and I tried to help her out, and there he was. Their father. I kept staring at his face, not sure if that was my velvety voiced man, because last time I saw him it was so dark. But the electricity between us was slowly boiling my blood, and then his voice said my name one more time. My Uber rudely interrupted us for another few months.

I’m at his house. I look gorgeous. But I don’t feel gorgeous enough to stop shaking from nerves. I take a few steps away from his dangerous body. I can’t tell if he is just a very nice guy, or if he is hiding his dark side so well. We are talking nonsense. He offers a drink. Yes, please! I actually need the whole bottle! No just a drink is ok. Just me and him in the apartment. We keep talking, but I can feel the air getting so thick that I can barely move. He is so hot, and this thought is literally raising the temperature of my body. My last sentence is slowing down, and I think I’m forgetting to pronounce the last word. I take a step forward. Another one and he grabs me so hard, and starts kissing me like a hungry animal. His beard scratches me, his hands turn me around, and his lips are kissing my neck now. I can feel his hardness with my firm bottom, and it drives me completely insane. Then he stops, and asks me with his raspy voice,

"Can I f*** you?"

I realize that, though I already asked for divorce, this is the last moment I can reverse everything, and go back to my comfortable good quality life, but I choose chaos and I hear my soft voice saying YES.

I feel his hard thing at the entrance, and realize that I made my decision almost two years ago when I saw him for the first time, and there is no coming back. And he pushes inside me so hard I scream! I have never wanted someone so badly, and my body is on the edge from just one hard push! Gosh it feels so good! But he keeps ramming into me, holding me in his strong hands, then pushing me onto the sofa, and all I hear is my desperate screams, and his loud breathing in my ear saying my name with that velvety voice. I don’t know where I am, who I am. I am a bunch of raw emotions and nerves, and he is hurting me, but I take pleasure in every move. He has been hiding it! That dark side, he has been hiding it so well under the image of a wonderful father, under the image of a gentleman and good companion. He is an undercover beast! A crazy maniac who is nuts about me, a drug addict who cannot have enough of my laugh and my body, a mind reader who says and does the right things at the right times. And that’s just the beginning of our dirty and beautiful adventure.

I call him my handsome beast. He calls me his Russian beauty.