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When I was in high school, my then-boyfriend and I were too young to have sex in a hotel room. Our parents were extremely strict, and so, we had to get crafty if we were going to get lucky. So, we had to find a place to fuck. No big deal. It was what any teenagers did at the time, right?
Well, the thing about growing up where we did was that there wasn't really any place that was a "lover's lane." There was no place near a lake, and if there were, police patrolled it just for that purpose.
We experimented a lot, and it was hot. Or at least, the risk of being caught is sexy, you know? Well, it was sexy until it wasn't.
We ended up going at it in the parking lot of an abandoned pizzeria for a while... until police found us. I, being 15, started crying. He, being the older of the two of us, came out of the car while still wearing a condom and explained everything. The police let us go, but not before they started laughing at us.
That was a sticky situation, and it's why I still get very skittish about public sex—even though I'm an exhibitionist. Over the years, I've learned that there are some good ideas for public nookie, and bad ones. Here are some of the best places for public sex, if you can handle them.
Without a doubt, one of the best places for public sex would be a sex club. No surprise there, right? Exhibitionists get to enjoy an audience, voyeurs get to enjoy a show, and you get to get it in without having to worry about being arrested. It's the best of all worlds.
The cool thing about these places is that you never have to worry about being judged for fucking. Who knows? If you go to a sex club, you might be able to ask your partner for a threesome and find a willing partner in the same night.
Assuming that you're not in a super classy club, chances are that you've seen at least one or two instances where people decided to have sex in a bathroom stall.
Obviously, the issue is the club etiquette. I won't say it's not a dick move, because there's probably at least three or four people who really need to pee—but I will say it's an expected move to witness at least once.
Just, you know, lock the door when you fuck in a bathroom. And, if you are doing it in the bathroom, you might want to make sure not to make *too* much noise.
It's important to remember that public sex is a felony offense in most states, and it can get you branded as a sex offender if you're unlucky. That being said, abandoned buildings are a good option if you want to have sex in public without being caught.
To do this properly, make sure that you choose a building that doesn't get regularly patrolled by cops—and ideally, also isn't at risk of having squatters. You don't want to walk in on people who hang out in abandoned buildings, as you never know why they're there.
If you find a good venue, it can be a spooky but sexy place to get it on.
I personally know at least three people who popped their exhibitionism cherries at a local mall, which means that this remains one of the best places to have sex in public.
Like with any other seriously public and highly populous place, you have to be careful—and yes, this place can risk you getting busted by police. Depending on where you do it, getting banned from the mall will be the least of your worries.
The most common way to do it is to find a dressing room in a not-busy store, lock the door, and have fun. Bathroom stalls also seem to be pretty common, if you're willing to handle the smell.
Contrary to popular belief, the beach is not one of the best places for public sex. There's a lot of sand that can get into places where you don't want to have sand in. Sex on a beach is best left to erotica.
The woods, on the other hand? Less sand, just as much nature, and no awkwardly fishy smell that can't be discerned from crotchal smells. Almost every area has a woodsy, secluded place where you can get the full range of motion.
In a Car
Cars are the most common place to have sex in public, and it only takes watching a couple of episodes of Cheaters to figure that out. The biggest issue with car sex is the sex positions, and thankfully, there are some guides to sex positions for people who want to do it in a car.
The space is pretty tight, and you will probably need to find an abandoned parking lot to get it on. If you're skillful at it and have a roomy car or a flatbed truck, car sex can be pretty enjoyable.
Be forewarned—this is a pretty easy way to be busted and if you're caught, people will judge the fuck out of you.
This was a favorite of mine back in my teenage years, and it's great for people who want high risk fun and are capable of keeping it discreet. If you're just looking to give a handjob, or are foolhardy enough to give a blowjob, this is a good option.
Full sex? Well, I wouldn't suggest it. People are going to ask questions if they see you sit on his lap during the movie. Full-blown sex in a movie theater is not a good option for that reason alone.
That being said, Alanis Morisette pointed it out—not everyone will be the type of person to go down on you in a theater. So, don't be disappointed if it doesn't work out.
A Music Festival
As far as public sex goes, you really can't go wrong with a music festival. If you ask most of the wooks I hang out with, they'll tell you it's one of the best places for public sex on this list.
Think about it. Who would report someone for boning in a hammock while Tiesto is playing? Probably not the guy who's dropped acid. Oh, and if you're talking about Burning Man, they even have an orgy tent for people who want to do it with others.
Technically, this isn't "public" per se. However, it's a lot more public than you would expect it to be. You never know which coworkers could end up popping in to hand you some papers, or when the night cleaning crew might come in.
You might need to have special privileges to actually pull this off, but hey, if you do, kudos. You probably have just enacted a sexual fantasy that most people wish they could do, but never will get the chance to.
The Broom Closet
If you really think about it, the broom closet will always be one of the best places for public sex. This is because every building has a broom closet and the broom closet is always spacious enough to give you ample room to switch things up.
Whether it's at your college, at a restaurant, or at that one snooty country club your in-laws always bring you to, it doesn't matter. What matters is that no one ever suspects that you'd use the broom closet for a quick roll in the hay.