Young and Desperate

At twenty, still living with my parents, working many jobs to pay off my bills but never gaining any money to get a car.

I joke with friends and family about finding a man with money to give me a car. I was desperate for a car so I can go out with my friends and go out on dates. When you are car-less, you have to have people take you places or get dropped off and I hated that.

No one wants that.

So while I was on Instagram, I came across a video where a guy talked about how he got two grand. Just for sending a picture on a website called Seeking Arrangements.

This is where I met X.

I am calling him X because I forgot his username and I did not ask for it either. I honestly just saw them as money signs, something to help me out because I was tired of getting nagged by my parents.

I may not have wanted to know their names but I did want to know if they were married or not. I do not like being a third party in anything and I do not ever want to be a mistress.

I did not talk to the guys who said they were married and X told me that he was not. He could have been lying but this is what I was told. X tells me that he wants to take care of me and will send me whatever I need or even want. He tells me that I am beautiful and that he wants to spoil me.

He then tells me that he wants to have sex and take me places which I feel very uneasy about because I am a virgin which is what I tell every guy when they talk about sex. That is something that is very true and something that stops men in their tracks because that's all they want.

I expect him to stop talking to me but he says we can take our time leading up to that. I ask him about his "single-ness" and he tells me that he has been single for a while and that his wife died. I believe him because I do not think anyone would lie about a spouse dying.

He tells me after I sent a picture, a clean one, and again he tells me that I'm beautiful and that is something nice to hear. What girl doesn't like to be told that she is beautiful? X talks about traveling which isn't easy for me because I do not have a passport.

I couldn't explain to my parents how I would get on a plane to be with a strange guy with whom they've never met or even heard of. And what if I died? What if this man killed me? My parents would be distraught and heartbroken because they wouldn't know where I am or if my body was cut up across America.

Questions were going through my mind because how was I going to explain to my parents how I got a large amount of cash, doing what I do? I can't lie anymore than I may have already planned to do. People would find out really quick.

X tells me that I could use one of his cars (I did not tell him that I have a job which again does not pay well which is why I'm talking to X anyway). He says that he owns many cars which made me wonder, what did he do?

His job was working in construction. . .

That should have been a MAJOR tip that something was off. I also could not pass off this expensive car at work. At the time, I made $7.25 an hour, I can't afford an Audi off of that. I think to tell him that I need a car that I can pass off around my town, I felt like people would find stuff out immediately!

I am on a sugar baby website! Hello!? What are you doing!?

I could imagine how embarrassed my father would be if anyone found out about this and how embarrassed my mom would be. I would rather die right now than look at their faces if they ever knew.

He asks me for my bank account info so he can give me the money for the beginning of this "deal." I call it that because I honestly do not know what else to call it.

I felt uneasy and I felt like I should have stopped this but I didn't. I really wanted a car and I was just tired of dealing with staying at home all the time, waiting for rides, asking to go places. I should have said that I do cash only.

Why did I not say that? Why was I so stupid as to give him information that I should have kept secret?

I really wanted a car.

After giving him what he wanted, he ghosts for a little bit but texts me and says that he's working and will do it later.

Again he's gone and I try not to worry about it, watching over my account in watch for the money.

Giving X my info was a mistake. How did I know that X is even a man? What if he is really a she?

Two days pass and then I got the call.

X tried to put a fake check into my account.

I freaked out immediately and I got angry. With X and with myself. More so with myself because I saw the signs and didn't realize it and I got screwed over. I also had to close my bank account and get a new one, change my password and new cards.

This was stressful because I was getting paid the next day and now I didn't have a paycheck. Thank God I didn't have a car or I would have been screwed and my ticket to freedom would have been repossessed.

I text X, I tell him that I know he's a fake and then I block him, I delete the Seeking Arrangement app off my phone and I did not look back.

I get an email or two about men like X in my area who want to meet me but I ignore them and I move on.

If I ever do go back to that website, I would be an "cash only" person.