Yard Lick!

Why lie if you like it?!

I'm a big fan of Jamaican culture. From the music, the food, the accent/slang, the whole swag of Jamaica has a special place in my heart; always did. I can floss the accent to the point that if I'm talking to someone from Jamaica, they'll insist that I was born in Jamaica. Of course, I say that I'm not then reveal where I'm really from (Panama) which usually gets me this response: "Yuh sound like a real Jamaican though." Growing up around Jamaicans in my old Brooklyn neighborhood, I got to learn a lot about the culture and music, and it didn't take long to figure out that Jamaican music...or, rather, its lyrics...put a big emphasis on how people should live. On any given song, you'll hear things like men's clothes shouldn't be washed with women's clothes, particularly women's underwear. Men can have as many female partners, and their significant others have to forgive them even if they cheat, and, most of all, oral sex a dirty, unforgivable act that no one participates in. This blog post is my way of calling BULLSHIT on that and based on the fact that we live in a day where everyone is breathing, walking and living in their truth I find it hard to believe that certain traditions and ways still exist or are trying to exist. Let's talk about my own experiences and how I discovered that oral sex is a welcomed subject with one particular Jamaican man from my past.

Tony Lambsbread. I met him about 15 years ago around the time when Myspace was around. I was a member of a social media site called Blackplanet. I don't think this site still exists and if it does, the activity on it is probably lame and watered down now compared to what/where it was in 2002. Our first interactions online were very argumentative because he had a lot of what I would call male chauvinistic views on women and every time he shared them online I felt the need to say something. He would say things like "when I meet a woman, I get her pregnant right away then I break up with her, she never has to worry though, I take care of all of my kids!" To which I would respond "so, you're just slinging dick everywhere without a care huh?" Things would get very heated but we still kept in touch. In my mind, I told myself that I would never want to see him face to face just so I would never hear those words coming out of his mouth. Not that I thought he was making it up to piss me off, I just figured that face to face, it would be hard not to throw something at him...like a brick. One of our more comfortable conversations involved my favorite girlfriend AKA Mary J and he often told me about his travels and different types of weed he would encounter. One day, he reached out to say he would be in the NYC-NJ area and would like to meet up so he could give me a sample of his latest find. At the time, I had a boyfriend who sold weed (illegally, of course, b/c weed is still illegal in NYC to this day...back to the story), he only had regular weed AKA Reggie so getting a taste of something exotic and brand new definitely had my interest. I agreed to meet him in my neighborhood, on a Saturday night, after 10 PM. When he arrived at the designated meeting point, he called me to let me know and I proceeded out of the house. As I was walking, paranoia set in and had me second guessing my steps. "How do you know this dude isn't a cop? You could be walking yourself to jail right now AND YOU KNOW IT'S SATURDAY! You won't get out until Monday!" That thought alone made me want to go back to my house, delete his phone number, fuck it delete my whole account! Instead, I calmed myself down, walked to the meeting point, got in the car, and felt confident in my decision. We exchanged a few greetings and had a light conversation as he drove, I didn't know where I was going but was confident it wouldn't be somewhere unsafe. A few minutes later, we pulled into the driveway of a brownstone. Once inside he explained that he had just rented the place out so there's not much furniture other than a bed, a night stand, and a television. Being that there was no other place to sit, I sat on the bed while he bent down to pull out a big shoe box from under the bed. When Tony lifted the lid, the prettiest chocolate looking weed was revealed and I damn near cried. The aroma was strong and inviting, it looked fluffy and the abundance of it made my eyes open wide.

"I can let you hold a half on consignment and if you want, you can try some to see if you like it," Tony said which had me perplexed a bit. Not once did we ever discuss me selling any weed, I may have told him that my boyfriend did but I had nothing to do with his business nor would I tell anyone such a thing. I thought maybe he meant for me to bring some to my boyfriend for him to sell on consignment but that thought was quickly forgotten once I rolled up. We talked, laughed, and eventually the conversation became sexual. Based on previous experiences with Jamaican men, I had no interest in getting naked for Tony. Every Jamaican man I had been with made it clear that the only part of sex they were interested in was to "bruk up" the pussy meaning kill it so no one else can have it or want it. I did not want my pussy to be broken much less by a man who believed he needed to impregnate the world.

"Tony, us having sex is not going to work. I really don't want to." I figured that this response would lead to an argument but instead, he said, "What if I give you a reason?" In my head, that reason couldn't exist. NO WAY could he do or say anything to motivate me to get naked. Tony took that to be a challenge. He got on his knees, pushed my legs open and positioned his face within inches of my sweetness. For a second, I didn't know what was going on, feeling confused but yet pleasantly pleased at my discovery. I had to ask though.

"What are you doing?"

"Is this your first time getting licked or is this your first time getting licked by a Jamaican?" Tony said with sarcasm.

"Clearly this is my first time getting licked by a Jamaican! Don't act like you don't know why I'm surprised! That's why I asked, what are you doing?"

"I opened my box for you and I figured you can open your box for me. I'm not a traditional Jamaican. I believe a woman should be pleasured not only by the wood but also by the tongue. A woman should drench my face as well as my dick, that way when I ask her to give it a kiss she doesn't hesitate. She gladly puts it in her mouth and swallows...because that's what I did for her!"

Lesson learned.


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Kai Storm
Kai Storm

Awesome author of 6 novels, mom of 3 daughters, office worker by day and wife by night. I hustle my art, my brand, my passion & I'm blessed always!

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