Why I Stopped Watching Porn

And Why I Recommend It to You as Well!

I believe porn is one major reason men are slowly but surely becoming less valuable in the eyes of women.

I want to present the reasons that porn has corroded my enjoyment of sex, my ability to be intimate, as well as my character. Hopefully, if you are feeling the negative ramifications of overuse, my story can compel you to change your ways and grow into the best expression of yourself.

For me, a multitude of factors played into ceasing my obsession. Of all that I will present, I think the most impactful was my view of women. When I would masturbate daily, my mind ran into its own world of twisted fantasy. I began seeing all women as objects, pure toys of pleasure that were meant to satisfy my desires. More and more, as my desire for porn increased, I noticed that when I was around my friends and strangers, my thoughts became wrapped around sex and ideas of how women should act towards me! While it seems absurd and unbelievable right now, that was the most logical and reasonable way of being in the world. Once I realized how much porn had shifted my view, I knew it was time to stop. With this in mind, let me continue to expound on other points that aided in my decision.

One of the first problems I noticed with watching porn was that it ruined my libido and sensitivity. There was more enjoyment in porn than in being with another human, and I think that is deeply revealing of how numb I became when overly indulging in an act such as this. The first time I had sex, I faked my orgasm because it wasn't pleasurable enough for me. All of my years of masturbating to specific fetishes and turn-ons made my girlfriend at the time seem less desirable.

I think it has also contributed to a lack of effort in growing as a person, and with that comes a lack of value. The reason articles are coming out like "The Dickonomics of Tinder" (which is a fantastic piece by Alana Massey about how easy it is for girls to get laid and why it's important to be selective about your penis choices) is because we are so used to getting sexual gratification instead of building character and virtue that when it comes to finding a partner we just throw pictures of our dicks online and hope something sticks! Or, we are nice, convince girls to meet and are enjoyable to be around, but in the back of our heads we have completely sexualized our partner. This slowly corrupts emotional intimacy and chances for true connection, so while we may find a short-term partner for hooking up, it doesn’t help to bring about deep, emotionally healthy relationships!

From an ethical standpoint, some women who are involved in porn are forced into it through sex trafficking and promises of security, money, and housing. This is more prevalent in hardcore pornography, but its still good to consider that when we watch these videos online, we are unintentionally supporting a business that has large connections to sex trafficking, abduction, and child abuse. It may not be our intention, but we must be very careful because we may be unknowingly supporting the rise of sex trafficking around the world.

Porn is also highly addictive. We can see this from a scientific standpoint because when you masturbate to porn you to release tons of dopamine and when repeatedly flooded with that chemical, the brain responds by shutting down some of the receptors to dopamine. So when we don't feel as good about the porn we have watched before, it's because our receptors are shutting down. From that spawns a desire for more pleasure, usually sought after by hardcore porn and the like.

So when this happens repeatedly, we begin to lose our appreciation for simple gestures of love like hand holding, eye gazing, telling someone they are beautiful, and want to replace them with more and more intense and perverted sexual acts which will not sustain a long-term healthy relationship.

With a loss of appreciation for the simple, we only find joy in the extreme and this leads to terrible consequences over time.

With that loss of simple joy, people become means to an end, not a wonderfully wholesome end in and of themselves.

So where did this come from? And from that, what can we do to realize the impact of what we are doing and move towards a healthier sexual life?

I believe it has to do with a few factors, and here are some tips in moving past them. :)

1. Our Desire for Instant Gratification

In a culture where we can get delicious food delivered to us (thanks, Postmates!), entertainment beamed in through the interwebs into our tiny rectangular wonderboxes (thanks, Netflix!), and have a hefty amount of drugs that create instant pleasure and are easy to access and enjoy (thanks, alcohol, cigarettes, and weed!), it's no wonder we are addicted to getting what we want instantly! If given the choice between pleasure now versus later, most of us go for the former. We live in a world full of instant gratification; everything is on demand and arriving to us as fast as possible. I believe this has influenced our sexual life too, causing us to masturbate or even engage in terrible Tinder dates just for the purpose of sexual gratification! We would rather masturbate or have sex Now that's okay (or even poor) then wait for one to three years, meet a wonderful person, get connected with them intimately, then make love and have a mind-blowingly emotional and physical connection.

What are we to do about this?! Practice discipline! When you feel yourself reaching for the Kleenex box and your secret jar of coconut oil, begin to notice why you want to do this. Is it just for pleasure? Is it simply to escape from your day-to-day dreariness? Is this helping you get to the place in your life you want to be?

Tony Robbins once said, "People are rewarded in public for what they practice for years in private." Anytime I think of masturbating now, I ask myself,  is this what I will be happy to share with people? Do I want to be rewarded for this? Am I really cultivating a habit which will fill my heart, help my future and make me become the most vibrant version of myself possible?

I find becoming aware of why we want to do an action is an important step to changing our desires. And if we fail, don't worry, these habits take time to change!

2. Our Desire for Control

As beings trapped in a time-space vortex with bodies of meat that are slowly degrading, we ache to control something in a universe that is constantly imposing its will upon us! With the rapid growth of instantaneous access to food, drugs, and entertainment, we begin to understand how much control we have over our environment. It's small, but compared to where are ancestors were, we have a whole lot more!

We seek to control pleasure and when we will receive it rather than letting pleasure come to us naturally.

When we seek to control and dominate in any context in our lives, rather than work with what is in front of us, we bolster our egos and separate ourselves from the beauty that is all around us. I honestly believe that looking at flowers can be just as gratifying as orgasms if we are in the right headspace. Now, some might debate me on this, but I have personally experienced days of sobriety and chastity leading to moments of bliss and euphoria that are more pleasurable than a quick solo session alone!

And I'm sure someone is thinking, but we are controlling ourselves by not masturbating and giving in to our primal urges and I would agree, but I believe it is better to control our desires and habits to create a perception on life that allows for more bliss rather than trying to control our environment to create bliss. In one example, you are opening up to life and working with what is; in another, you are controlling life to make it the way you want it to be, the way you desire it to be.

I don't think we need to act on the urges that come through us; I think we can sit in our emotions and feel them deeply without instantly following their whims and requests! It just takes practice to sit comfortably with our emotions and feelings, and I have personally found journaling, self expression, meditation, prayer, and physical practices (such as yoga, long walks, or swimming) to be greatly beneficial tools in that regard!

And finally, the greatest desire of them all!

3. Our Desire for Infinity

When we release, when that beautiful millisecond comes and we experience an infinite, expansiveness that envelops our entire being, there is peace. There is bliss. There is love. But we must ask ourselves, is it worth it?

I truly, truly believe that feeling can be built, grown, sustained, and nourished like a flower if we take the time, energy, and discipline to purify ourselves. The majority of mainstream religions and spiritual practices see our sexual energy as an incredibly powerful source of fuel for our paths, and we dispel and disperse ALL of that when we release. We must consider what we are to do with this stored energy once it is saved and maintained. I found sudden energy to workout more, enjoy long walks around the city, indulge in hobbies and things I didn’t have time for, and creating more beautiful art! This is just my personal belief, but when we release, we are literally draining our creative power! And if that power is not drained by masturbation, it can be used and channeled in a multitude of other positive directions!

I have noticed this in my life and the lives of my friends who are serious cultivators. When we move away from quick releases, we can bring ourselves to a more heightened state of liveliness, vitality, and vividness! The flowers gain more luster, our friends seem more special, we find gratitude pouring out from our hearts towards all of creation!

This is not always an easy path to walk down, and it might take time for us to get to these states permanently (enlightenment wasn't reached in a day), but I have found that removing my daily masturbation routine has helped tremendously in building my willpower, my love for life, and my desire to be the best person I can be. :)

Now I urge compassion and patience along the journey of removing this habit. It will take time and perseverance, but we all have the strength within us! It is helpful to keep a journal of your progress, talk to friends about it, and do our own research on why watching porn is detrimental and how saving our sexual experiences for special occasions brings more joy and excitement to these moments!

We must take back our control! We must become strong again! To discipline our bodies and minds will bring a stronger moral fiber as well as more willpower and deeper sexual enjoyment!

We don't need these simple satisfactions! It's a distraction from the path of finding deep love and truth about the nature of experiences in our lives! So come, let us all renounce our small pleasures and continue to build a world full of peace, joy, honesty, patience, truth, love, contentment, gratitude, and freedom!

I love you all :) 

Nicholas Goodman
Nicholas Goodman

Poet. Writer. Avid Tea enthusiast. Truth seeker. Love maker. Wondering what makes the world smile and how I can create that in words. 


https://www.instagram.com/alloflovespoetry/

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Why I Stopped Watching Porn