Why Financial Stress Damages Your Sex Life

Sex drive is a tricky thing. To feel sexy, desire sex, and take part in sex are three vital parts of your healthy sexual relationship. Unfortunately, these parts are also extremely fragile and can be greatly affected by outside influences. From physical and emotional ailments like imbalanced hormones, depression, and lack of self-confidence to rocky relationships, job stress, and of course raising children, it seems when it comes to our sex drive we are facing more hurdles than a Tough Mudder obstacle course.

Stress and Low Libido

All couples, despite age, will deal with a ‘lack of intimacy’ issue during some point in their relationship and according to studies, stress is the leading cause for a low libido.

Stress can come in all shapes and sizes and is handled differently by each person, but the most commonly shared stress among Americans is financial stress. No surprise there. We live in a time where college degrees mean little and the average salary barely covers a family of three, so it is no wonder that when a couple has worry over their financial situation that they find themselves having sex a lot less often.

Stress isn’t just a reactive emotion we feel during difficult times; it is a chemical imbalance within our brains. When a person is under stress their body will produce high amounts of the hormone, Cortisol. Now, we all need small doses of Cortisol but when those levels become elevated and for a prolonged period of time the Cortisol will begin to suppress other important hormones. And guess which one gets attacked first? That’s right, the sex hormones. There are no two ways about it, when a woman feels under pressure her hormone levels are affected, leaving no hormones available for her libido or sexual response. That is why when a woman partakes in an unwanted sex session, whether out of guilt or pressure, no matter how hard they try to convince their mind and body that they want this, there vagina says otherwise. Leaving them no choice but to artificially wet the dam, AKA use lots o’ lube.

Financial and Relationship Stress

Men and women react to financial stress differently, but the impact on their relationship is equally damaging. Financial stress comes with many risks that not many of us recognize. It doesn’t just make us less “in the mood” but it can also create a serious division between partners and even doubts within oneself. I don’t know about you but whether I am stressed over money, my schedule, or my uncontrollable toddlers, I immediately pull back from my husband. Who wants to be touched when they are experiencing feelings of sadness, guilt, and regret, because I definitely don’t! Wishing you would have saved more money before you had children or sadness that you may never get that much-needed vacation aren’t exactly aphrodisiacs. The longer a couple remains stressed, the less sex they will have and without intimacy couples may begin to distance themselves from one another without even knowing it.

In a recent study 58 percent of the questioned couples said that they felt more secure and happy in their relationship when they are actively having sex (how the other 42 percent don’t agree is beyond me). So for the people who aren’t “sexually active” other insecurities usually begin to build. For example, a woman with a stressed husband may take his lessened sexual interest completely personal. Despite knowing of their financial strain, after being rejected time and time again she may begin to doubt her self-image which can lead to concern of infidelity. And we all know the root of relationship failure is lost trust. For a man it is much the same.

Naturally, some men feel it is their responsibility to provide, especially if they have a wife and young children to care for. Not wanting to fail or let his family down, he may begin to work longer hours leaving little time for anything else. This leads to being overworked and exhausted which can be taken out in the form of hostility or lack of interest, hurting his wife and their relationship. There are also many cases where the wife is the breadwinner. This power exchange can create feelings of financial incompetence which can ultimately carry over to physical incompetence in the bedroom. Lucky for men there is a little blue pill to help that matter unlike females who have nothing but a Channing Tatum fantasy and a vibrator.

Solving for Stress

Ironically, the act of sex has been proven to alleviate stress-induced tension. Imagine that, a side effect of stress can also be a cure. So if only people could find a happy medium between the two then perhaps sex could be used as treatment to a bad day rather than leading to guilt and disappointment. Luckily, with all problems there are solutions, so when it comes to worrying over next month’s rent or job security, there are a few tricks to keep monetary stress and sexless relationships separate.

Communicate

You must first acknowledge that change requires commitment and effort and without these two things will just remain the same. Communication is also key. From talking about your financial past, present, and future, to discussing the affects it has had on your relationship and sex life, being open and honest can only help partners understand and support one another. Then from there you can take some physical action as well. Rather than going out to dinner which doesn’t fit in your financial budget, choose to a have a date night at home once the kids are in bed.

Commit to Quality Time Together

You should also reach out for help from family and friends, asking them to take the kids for a few hours, FOR FREE, so you and your partner can have some quality alone time. Lie, for all I care, blame the need for help on a doctor’s appointment or work function, just get the little buggers out of the house so you can unwind and relax. Next, choose this night to be the one night out of the week where you are not allowed to discuss finances. No ifs, ands, or buts, everyone deserves a break from the worry and once a week is most definitely doable. You should also consider bringing some spicy fun back into your bedroom. While sex toys and sex games can sometimes cost a pretty penny, it might be something to splurge on or save for. These treats can bring an aspect of excitement and anticipation which may be enough to distract you from issues outside your door. Not to mention, in addition to reducing tension, having an orgasm can bring great clarity to the mind and what better way to attack your problems head on than with a satisfied sex drive and a clear new outlook on your future?