Who Says Virgins Are Not Sexual in Their Own Right?

"You're still a virgin? How is that possible?"

"You're a virgin? Do you ever like, touch yourself?"

"Oh my god, why are you still a virgin? You never wanted to have sex?"

If there are any virgins in the room who have heard any of the above raise your hand. Ok, so probably every virgin's hands went up. In a society where everyone is constantly given unrealistic goals about how they can and will use their bodies from teenage-hood to adulthood, those who have abstained from sex for a certain amount of time are often ostracized and given a label equating them to non-sexual or unwanted bodies that have never been touched and lack sexual desire. The worst part about the misconception concerning virginity is that it affects the younger generation and gives them a very skewed view of sexual desire. What kind of message are we sending to our young boys and girls if we demean all of the men and women who have remained virgins as non-sexual bodies?

Virgins are not creatures from some anti-sex planet. Many virgins carry the same amount of sexual desire as those who engage in sexual intercourse regularly. There are virgins who have abstained from sexual intercourse for religious purposes, or who do not particularly enjoy engaging in sexual intercourse, and even those who are looking for true love or a lifetime partner before engaging in sexual intercourse. There are many people who engage in alternate sexual acts, separate from sexual intercourse. A person losing his or her virginity does not unlock his or her's physical attractiveness and doesn't give a person the ultimate power to being highly desirable. A person's physical attractiveness or desirability is subjective and varies, and should not be based on the amount of lovers a person has or has not had.

Of course every human on this planet has been a virgin at one time or another. Based on the fact that no one is born losing their virginity the moment they take their first breath, why does it matter what age someone loses their virginity? If it does not happen at 16 or 17, it is not like a person is unable to have sex in the same way at 21 or older. There is talk about the 'average age' women and men tend to have sex, but why does there need to be an average age? Sex is an act that can start at any time in a person's life. In a time period where men and women have the power to change the way human bodies are being discussed and objectified in a hyper-sexual society, it is about time that we work to change the conversation concerning losing one's virginity. Who is to say that a virgin is not as sexual as a sexually active person? One's sexuality is defined by an individual, not by losing one's virginity.

The important thing to realize is that losing one's virginity has always been and always will be a personal choice. A person can be in a monogamous relationship or in many different relationships and still abstain from sex if he or she so chooses. If a person has remained single for a certain amount of time and refuses to have sex or be in a relationship until he or she finds her true love, or the person he or she chooses to marry, then that is his or her choice. Many individuals who are single or who have abstained from sexual intercourse engage in self-stimulation regularly, just as many sexually active individuals.

As a society we tend to value sex as one of the most important things in a relationship or a person's life which is fine for those who engage in it and enjoy engaging in sexual intercourse, but in doing so, we must not raise one group of people over another and give men and women the misleading idea that engaging in sexual intercourse somehow makes you more of a man or woman. Let's stop giving virgins the side-eye, and understand no virgin is the same. Just because a person has abstained from sex does not determine whether or not they are sexual beings.