When to Have Sex

How many times is enough? What if she wants to when you don't want to, and vice versa. Is spontaneous sex better than scheduled sex? Do women prefer their sexual encounters be planned and men prefer them any time any where? It is important to consider these issues when developing a productive, intimate relationship. Poor timing can cause stress on a relationship which can lead to changes in one's biological, sexual dynamic.

Any time is loving-time to the Sensuous Couple. But I believe the planned session ought never to last less than one hour, preferably an hour and a half; ideally, two hours or more.

I say planned session to differentiate it from more spontaneous occasions—those sessions which come about when one is least expecting them, sparked off by a fortuitous caress, a gesture, a look, a word, when all of a sudden the serpent of sex stirs in the loins, uncoils, and prepares to strike. This usually happens some time after one has been in bed, during the middle of the night, on a workday morning, or maybe at lunch time, when there just isn't time to spare.

The majority of couples, unsensuous as well as sensuous ones, make love on average between 12 and 16 times a month. An inquiry into the nature of the sex drive which was made with the cooperation of 100 couples spanning most age groups between 20 and 65, found that half of all copulations are in response to the sex drive, the other half being cold-bloodedly (though that seems a strange word to associate with it) provoked. In other words, at least half the time most couples do not wait for the body's chemistry to nudge them into action, but just the reverse; they nudge the body's chemistry into action.

There is a certain danger in this arrangement of a couple's getting into a set pattern of timing—Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays, for example. The trouble is that the social round (in which include work and bringing up a family in a well-run household) favors the time pattern. But, except for Saturdays and Sundays, the Sensuous Couple will avoid like the plague the regular setting apart of certain afternoons and evenings.

I think that most couples who take their lovemaking seriously—and this, of course, includes all Sensuous Couples—realize this, and that it is this realization that urges so many to plan a session outside the rhythm of the body chemistry.

Influence of Sex Drives

The body chemistry, i.e. the sex drive, works on a certain pattern or rhythm rather like a woman's monthly cycle. It differs in various individuals, and things can happen which will upset the rhythm. But the young, healthy, averagesexed man, for example, has a three-day rhythm. That is to say, if he has a love-session on Monday night which empties his seminal vesicles of fluid and sperm and his prostate gland of its fluid, and he then doesn't have any kind of sexual activity until Thursday, by Thursday his seminal vesicle and his prostate gland will be straining at the leash again; and if he has sex on Thursday night he will emit his maximum volume of ejaculate and his maximum sperm-count with his first orgasm that night.

I am not saying that the fullness of seminal vesicles and prostate are what prompt the man to seek a sexual outlet, or that they regulate his sex drive. They have something to do with it, but it's a bit more complicated than that, and needn't bore you with it here. What I am trying to get across is that the sex-drive works on a time pattern that is more or less regular. If one responds only to the sex drive, therefore, one immediately establishes a pattern of love-sessions, even though over a long period one would be making love on different days of the week.

Fortunately, neither men nor women have to wait for their sex drives to operate. They can fuck whenever they have a mind to, provided the man hasn't any hang-ups that prevent his penis from getting stiff under direct manipulation of fingers or mouth, and the woman's vagina can be relaxed enough, because she may not be aroused, for the penis to get into it with the aid of saliva. But any Sensuous Woman can, like the male, be aroused at will if her partner is a Sensuous Man.

Every Sensuous Couple can recognize sex drive promptings when they experience them. That tenseness in the loins and genitals, that pleasant sensation of interior fullness which indicates that something, somewhere, has got to be emptied, which are experienced as a gradual build-up, reach a pitch where they impinge on the consciousness, but which is not the peak of the build-up taken as a whole. In other words, you get due warning.

This warning can come at any time of the day, and when it does you know for a certainty that within a short time you're going to be having sex. It is the inevitability of this which allows you to plan the timing of your session, having taken into consideration what has to be done (get home from the office, get the children to bed) before you can get down to it. The deliberate session can be a planned session too if you say to yourself sometime beforehand, though without any prompting from your body chemistry: "I wouldn't mind doing it tonight."

I haven't had the opportunity to analyze completely my sex drive material, but what I have done convinces me that the deliberate session is the saving grace of human copulatory activity; and on this basis I commend it to all Sensuous Couples, though I feel pretty certain they will have made the discovery for themselves, unconsciously if not consciously.

One thing probably ought to point out to forestall my more niggling critics: there are not many couples in the world whose sex-drive rhythms coincide. So, often, the Sensuous Man will be responding to sex-drive promptings while his Sensuous Partner will not be, and vice versa. But this doesn't matter. Lovemaking is an equal partnership. Both have the right to initiate activities and, with Sensuous Couples, both have the right to expect the other to cooperate.

Although one partner has made up his/her mind that there must be a session before the day is out, the Sensuous Couple doesn't announce it to one another beforehand. That would be too deliberate. They make their desires known to one another by gestures and caresses, so that, when the time comes, a hint of an early bed, or a caress that means business here and now doesn't come as too great a surprise.

"Who the hell can afford two hours for a session?"

The Sensuous Couple will make sure that they can. Of course, it won't always be possible, because the days are always so full and the hectic demands of our hectic lives necessitate the recuperation of several hours' sleep. But the self-respecting Sensuous Couple will make the time as often as is feasible.

An hour and a half can frequently be found; an hour is always possible.

The Sensual Couple's optimistic view of an hour to an hour and a half per sex session seems difficult in practice. The international average of under four minutes leaves couples with a lot of room for improvement.

But Why So Long?

The basic rule is this: The Sensuous Couple embarks on every session determined to give each other the greatest sexual thrill they've ever had. They do so, because they are using their penis and vagina, their mouths, their hands, and any other parts of their bodies to assure their minds that their love for each other is genuine and deep.

You can't, or at least you shouldn't, try to hurry any woman, and any woman who lets herself be hurried cannot honestly claim to be a Sensuous Woman.

Equally, no man can claim to be a Sensuous Man unless he can control absolutely his speed to orgasm. I know many men will think I'm talking bull but, honestly, it can be done. It may take time and patience, but it is within the eventual scope of all except the psychologically hung-up too-rapid ejaculator or partially impotent. And it doesn't mean that his partner is not to caress him at all, or even only half-heartedly. He should be able to take all she can provide in the way of stimulation.

A man very well known to me can make love to a Sensuous Woman and be made love to by her for any length of time, and though he may at times be close to the boil, he can always be sure he is not going to boil over until he gives himself permission to do so. He can pass an hour, after a long session of fellatio and other exciting activities, with his penis in a vagina and, what's more, keep up a constant movement and still not come. When he is sure that his partner is satisfied (and if he's not sure, he will ask her) he tells her, "I'm going to come now!" and he does so in 10, 15, 30 seconds!

He doesn't do it by reciting a poem, or by thinking about that snag on such and such a job at work, or by smoking a cigarette, or reading a book, or any such gimmick. By a kind of self-hypnotism, he has trained his body to respond only to the commands of his mind. He's an experienced man, admittedly; he's in late middle-age; and he's been fucking since he was 13. But he's absolutely certain that this is well within the reach of every man who is prepared to take himself in hand.

Here is a practical tip from my study of too-rapid ejaculators. During this study I discovered that all too-rapid ejaculators begin to thrust with buttock muscles tensed as soon as they get the penis in position. It hadn't struck me before that tensed buttock muscles had any connection with speed to orgasm, but a brief analysis of my own techniques soon showed that a significant part of the secret of delaying orgasm lies in relaxed pelvic and buttock muscles. Unconsciously, so I found out, I had been using the technique of relaxed buttock and pelvic muscles for delaying orgasm and of tensing them when wanted to come.

My very good friend confirmed the necessity for this. "When I have decided I'm going to come," he told me, "I can control the speed with which I come by the degree to which clench my buttock and pelvic muscles. Really tight, 10 seconds; not quite so tight, 15 seconds; and a shade more relaxed still, 30 seconds."

Thrust is a Must!

Sexologists use one word for the action of the penis in the vagina—thrust. I used to use it myself. I don't any longer. With pelvic and buttock muscles relaxed describe the movement as "swinging"; when these muscles are tensed, then the man is "thrusting."

I am quite sure that all Sensuous Men have discovered this for themselves; but I thought I would mention it. Still the cry goes up. "Why an hour, an hour and a half; why in heck two hours?"

I thought we had agreed that the Sensuous Couple make love with a view to obtaining the most intense sensual experience their bodies and techniques will allow, and that you hope to come with such an orgasm that you will be out of this world—and mean, out of this world—for a few exquisite moments.

All right, then, there is a practical reason for the length of time you devote to your sessions. It's this. The more you are stimulated, the more intensely you will come. And the technique the Sensual Couple use is this. They bring each other to the threshold of coming, pause till they are relaxed again, begin stimulation once more to the same point, pause again.

The more often both the Sensuous Woman and the Sensuous Man are brought to the threshold of coming, when they do decide at last to come, the more devastating the orgasm will be.

The Sensuous Man can be brought to the threshold at least six times an hour; the Sensuous Woman at least four times. To do this, the Sensuous Man must have the absolute control I was talking about a few moments ago, but when he finally does go over the edge it will all have been worth it. If the couple make love for two hours he can come to his petit climax (the threshold) 12 times. Each petit climax means that the grand climax (orgasm), when it at last arrives, will be the more ecstatic. So it is, too, with the Sensuous Woman, who will have taught herself to respond to stimulation until she can, if she works at it, have as many petit climaxes as her Sensuous Partner.

This is why you must have time, except, as I have said, on those comparatively rare occasions when both are on the point of coming before they've started. The grand climax then can be—in fact, invariably is—absolutely wild. But only on such occasions is the slam-bam justified. I've found, too, that wild though the climax is there is nearly always an urge to begin another, more leisurely, session after a short pause.

No Sex After Dinner

As for timing, as I have said, any time is love time for the Sensuous Couple. But just a hint of advice. Don't go in for violent antics after a heavy meal!

If you are going to use dinner as an aid to seduction, choose the food with care. If you're at home and the Sensuous Wife has fed you, she will have seen to it that you have eaten wisely. Nevertheless, time things so that you have your orgasm not less than two hours after you've finished eating.

Coupling puts quite a demand on heart and lungs. Someone has calculated that it's equivalent to the exertion of running 100 meters in 11 seconds, and no one would do that after a heavy meal except a true dolt. You may think you are getting away with it when you are young, but you are really laying up trouble for yourself later on. When you're 55 or 60 you wouldn't like to put your Sensuous Partner in the embarrassing situation of having a coronary while you're coupled, would you?

Scientifically speaking—and I'm not joking—the ideal time for a session is between 6 AM and 8 AM. It has been discovered that most men's daily production cycle of testosterone—the hormone that among other things makes him feel horny–sexually responsive—is at its peak at 7 AM.

The Sensuous Couple, however, will vary the time, as they do the place, to avoid an encounter with that vicious love-killer, boredom.