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When She Should Say No

Vivacious Nina Morini believes in knowing when she should say no before getting into a sticky situation.

By Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago 6 min read
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Many women have a hard time saying no. Perhaps the difficulty lies not, as some archaic scientists once believed, in the fact that women have difficulty saying no to men due to their alpha presence. It is possible that the real problem for women is not saying yes or no, but asking the philistine male to repeat his question in a more coherent and desirable way. There are some that argue that women are people pleasers, and therefore have a tough time saying no in almost all situations, irrespective of which gender is asking the question. There is obviously a time for yes and a time for no. If a stranger invites you into his car on a corner, it would seem obvious that the answer should be no. If your favorite actor in a sitcom pulls up to you on that same corner to ask you out to lunch, it may not be so clear whether the answer is yes or no. For beautiful women, models, and actresses, the questions are often more ambiguous, and require more forethought before answering.

When a girl has the kind of face and figure that has milquetoasts (timid men) sprouting wolf ears and tripping over their eyeballs, there comes a time in her young life when she realizes the necessity to accentuate the negative. Faced with the fact of male appreciation turned to in-fighting, of a nightcap offer being construed as a boudoir invitation, of a job offer dependent upon her yea-saying to suggestions that have only to do with business of the monkey-do variety, she will soon come up with a healthy list of what every young woman should say no to. This isn't to say that she has to say no if she doesn't want to, but that she needs to pre-evaluate what she does and does not want to say yes to. There is nothing wrong with inviting him up for "coffee" after a first date, as long as you aren't at risk of him interpreting actual coffee as "coffee" instead. Voluptuous Nina Morini has such a list and her advice to any glamour girl compiling one is that the earlier the statement of no is made clear, the easier it is to make it stick.

Nina Morini Identifies “No's”

Nina certainly falls into the category of a beautiful woman who should keep a list of "no's" and "yes’s" handy for the variety of suitors she encounters. Best known for her role in the film Love Interest, Morini has seen her fair share of both well-intentioned and poorly-intentioned love interests herself. Being the intelligent woman she is, this has led her to pre-think a variety of situations and how she should respond.

For instance: The time for no-ing isn't after he's poured three Martinis into you and has you hemmed in on the couch in his bachelor pad. It's when he asks you to come up to see his etchings in the first place, or, at the very latest, when he breaks out the gin and vermouth. Sticking your no’s in early means turning thumbs down on cozy little picnics for two (he may look like a Boy Scout, but chances are he'll turn out to be a wolf-man when he's got you alone in that cozy little glen), nixing that "just-the-two-of-us" ski weekend (inevitably, when you get to the lodge a mistake has been made and instead of two single beds, there's only one double available, complete with a trail of roses and a glass of champagne), and refusing that pair of Louboutins (one way or another, the heels are always paid for). "On second to diamonds, No!" sums up Nina, "is a girl’s best friend."

Private Meetings

Heading Nina's list of "No's" are suggestions for moonlight swim parties for two or invitations to private auditions in TV producers' apartments, however tempting they sound, they usually mean one thing, and one thing only...Offers to give her golf lessons, or private night-time nature lessons in the park and especially country weekends for two should all result in a "No!" considering they are technically code for intimacy.

But, when he asks you out to a formal meeting with producers and staff, or a day of golf with not only his friends but yours, definitely say "yes!" By being in a larger group, you’ll be able to vet out the do’s and don’ts of the potential man’s mantra; seeing what his actual interests are instead of his lonely libido’s. In these cases, public trumps private meetings 100 to 1.

Wolf Gambits

Also on her positively negative list are such wolf gambits as, "How about we continue this conversation at my place?" and "Are you cold? If you are..." and "Don't you agree with me that people are foolish to repress a natural impulse?" and "A married man can be attractive, can't he?" These lines, if failed on you, will be delivered to the next beauty that walks into the bar. So utilize your power of "No" as you see fit. Like a wolf on the prowl, he’ll be on to his next hunt in no time.

However, take the time to consider your "yes" when he gives you a gentle kiss goodnight and excitedly wants to meet again the next week to plan your second date. This allows both of you to think over what you really want, instead of being rushed by impulse and desire. By waiting, you’re making the experience last longer than just one night.

Defining Relationships Physically

When he starts talking about physical rapport being essential to your relationship, then it’s fine to say "No!" says Nina.

But when he tells you one of the first things that attracted him to you was your caring personality and interest in wildlife, go ahead and say "yes!"

On the note of "no's" in this category, Nina adds that "when he starts talking free love and such, a girl should ‘No!’ it all." Her reason is that this kind of talk is never really impersonal. It’s always a gambit, a hint at what he has up his sleeve.

But when you start hearing him talk about family plans and goals for the future, you know he’s a "yes!" and that he’s actually looking for commitment and not something to throw away.

Freebee Offers

"When a photographer offers to take your picture for nothing," says Nina, "say no and say it again. You never get anything for nothing and one ‘No!’ at the right time can save a lot of heartaches."

Contemplate a "yes!" when he invites you to a picnic performance of Shakespeare in the Park where one of his friends is performing. Experiencing an evening of cultured bliss—and not to mention meeting friends—shows that he’s interested in more intellectual endeavors than physical ones.

No Means No

And men, let’s not forget that the importance of "No"-ing is also a tactic that men must know and understand. As powerful a negative as any, hearing and accepting a "No" from a woman should not be a judgement call by you. While you may perceive her repetition of "no" as her being coy and playful, men must know "no" as well as women do. The words no and yes are meant to be unambiguous. Men and women must come to terms not only with the definition, but the right to use the words whenever and wherever they please.

It's also important to remember there is no "right" time to say yes or no. What's right for you may not be right for the next girl. If you want a purely physical relationship, say yes! If your partner is looking to start a family but you're not ready to have kids, say no! It works both ways. There is nothing wrong with taking control over your own sexuality. All we are saying here is that your intentions should be made clear, whatever they may be, from the get-go. Transparency is key in all aspects of life, especially when it comes to relationships.

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About the Creator

Filthy Staff

A group of inappropriate, unconventional & disruptive professionals. Some are women, some are men, some are straight, some are gay. All are Filthy.

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