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What People Don’t Tell You About Sex

(For All, Everybody)


First thing is you don’t have to know everything. In fact, learning is half the fun. If it’s both you and your partner’s first time then take time with it. You aren’t meant to be all ‘wham bam, you’re welcome ma’am.’ I know this isn’t much comfort but it’s the best advice anyone could give you.

Another thing is consent. Always important and essential. It is not optional. Sex will never be enjoyable without both parties being completely ready and willing. A common misconception that many youngsters believe is how formal consent has to be in order to be official. Nobody expects you to whip out a form in the middle of some steamy kissing and a pen to say, “okay so if you are comfortable with having sex with me then could you sign here, here and here.”

It doesn’t have to work like that! For me, it’s always just a quick, “is this okay?” And sometimes that just makes it steamier. Checking consent to me is something I find attractive in the bedroom. Knowing that your partner is paying attention to your wants and needs and whether you’re happy or maybe not as okay with some parts is the hottest thing you can do.

‘Water infections.’ Something I was absolutely not prepared for. Now, as a lesbian, I was never taught the proper precautions one should take when having sex with another woman. We shall blame that on the government. Thinking that it might’ve just been a fluke I talked to some of my other lesbian and gay friends. It was not just a fluke. They can be extremely common. So in order to help you, dear reader, I will give some pointers on prevention and treatment.

Prevention: now many believe protection during sex is very un-sexy. What’s even un-sexier is spending an hour on the toilet teary-eyed because your genitals feel like they’re being poked with hot needles. Enough said.

For straight and gay couples condoms are the way to go. It is the best method to prevent infection. However, DO NOT use oil-based lubricants such a Vaseline or suntan oil. They can cause a hole in the condom, not a great idea. Condoms are also really easy to get a hold of. Even though I’m a lesbian I still manage to collect them from places such as pharmacies, gas stations and supermarkets. I got mine from Pride, they literally just hand them out.

For lesbians, us gals more commonly use gloves. No, not cotton gloves. Latex. And although, like all protection, it sounds like a mood killer, actually, it can be quite the opposite. They protect long fingernails, save from washing your hands in between ‘rounds’ and feels very nice with lube. Finding these can be a bit of a pain in the arse, though so I suggest checking online at http://www.goodvibes.com/. A less popular option which also offers protection when going down on your lady-partner. Dental Dams. Basically like condoms but as a sheet. You place it across the area and feels like licking an inner tube but it’s hygienic and a sure way to avoid any infection. You don’t need to feel too bad if you don’t use dental dams though because it’s especially rare. Just in case though.

Finally, treatment. For me I just was given packets of cranberry flavoured cystitis relief. I bought these from Tesco and they made my eyes water but after a few days, the pain had subsided. Another thing that helped was warm baths, not scolding but pleasantly hot. I spent hours in there because it was the only thing that stopped the sting.

I’m sorry if you were expecting some sexy tips in the bedroom like the secrets of the G-Spot however, safety and consent will always be the essential knowledge when it comes to sex. Enjoy! 

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