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What My 'Sex Talk' Should Have Been

Parents and 18+

A little disclaimer before we get started: I am so grateful to be a woman in this day and age. Yes, there is still too much inequality going on, but never before could a woman so openly talk about sex, birth control, periods, and female anatomy as we can today. I was raised in a very old-fashioned household, and I was left completely in the dark about my womanhood. My parents wouldn't let me go to sex ed class, and the topic at home was swept aside with, "Wait until after you're married." To be completely honest, I knew absolutely nothing about my vagina until I was eighteen (and even then, I was taught by a boy I met online…but more on that another time). I don't know about you ladies out there, but because I had to learn "on my own," I made mistakes that have greatly impacted my life. I don't want this to happen to anyone else, so I hope you parents out there read this with an open mind.

I never got the sex talk from my mom. I did, however, ask her what birth was like once when I was about nine, and I remember she described to me what pushing a baby out was like, to which I said, "Oh, so it's like pooping." And that is the only conversation I remember having on the subject. Rather than talking about childbirth (which is important, yes, but not the only reason to have "the talk"), here is a list of what topics she should have covered:

1. But First, Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Steven Covey wrote some great advice on this: "Seek to understand, then to be understood. " No matter what you talk about, have an open mind and listen. Then ask your kid to listen to what you have to say. It takes a lot of courage for either party to bring up sex subjects. It should be established between you that there should be respect on both sides. Moving on:

2. 'Getting excited' AKA 'Horny' AKA 'Turned on'

I don't know if young girls who are first hitting puberty know that they are getting turned on when it happens. I didn't! I mean I get why we tell our young boys about it; they have a growing/shrinking appendage to worry about, but why do we skip out talking to our girls about those feelings? I'm not going to tell you which way to teach on this one. In my day, they would have gone the whole "conceal, don't feel" route, but this could lead to a great talk about the next two on my list:

3. Masturbation

Everybody does it, and entertainment makes fun of it constantly, yet it's more okay to talk to your son about such things rather than your daughter. Talk to her about her vagina, tell her about the clitoris and the g-spot. Talk to her about the feelings that get kicked up every time she sees Johnny Depp on the screen, and for heavens sake, tell her she is normal! Getting turned on can be scary to some girls. Other girls get all giggly and weird. Overall, it causes unwanted shit to happen at slumber parties, so educate her! I'm not saying buy her a dildo (by the way, tell her about sex toys, because if you don't, someone else will), but based on your beliefs and comfort level, make sure you have an open line of communication. If you don't want her touching herself, explain why, and have a good reason besides shame. I can still hear my mother telling me I was damning myself to hell when I admitted to her I had a problem with it. If you want your kid to talk to you, don't be a jerk. No one is perfect. You are going to freak out sometimes, but always try to talk things out.

4. Pornography

Everyone has differing views on this media. I think that having an addiction to anything hinders your ability to choose. I also believe that this particular kind of sexual exposure can be harmful to young minds trying to form ideas about how sex works. If you talk to your kids about meaningful relationships, they might know the difference between what is fake and what is real.

5. Big One Here:

Have an escape plan! Beyond dating etiquette, a girl needs to know she can call someone to come get her if things go south with a guy. Heck, she needs to know boys are going to try things with her and to be prepared! I wish I had a plan the first time a guy slipped his hand in my pants. I froze! I had no game plan! I had no confidence! I let boys I didn’t like kiss and touch me because I was too afraid to say anything. Don't let this happen! I wish my parents had taught me to recognize the difference between love and lust so that I didn't have to go through so many sleezeballs. I was single for a long time before my husband came along, because by the time the rotten guys were through with me, my confidence was shot to shit. This leads to my last point:

6. Have confidence.

Love yourself first before you ask a guy to love you. I always relied on others to make me feel worthwhile, and that led me nowhere. This one I can't blame on my mom. She wanted me to love myself, I just couldn't because I wasn't what I thought I should be. Don't ever put your self-worth into the hands of a guy. Movies are full of girls who can't love themselves and then a great guy comes along and shows them how beautiful they are. Don't fall for it. There are wonderful men out there, but there are also plenty of guys who take your low self esteem and use it to get something from you.

I feel like this article was pretty heavy, but I want this information out there. I hope you learned something, and if you wish to talk more about this, please message me on Facebook or Twitter! Also, thank you for donating so that I can write more articles about the stuff no one wants to talk about! Until next time! 

Read next: Possession
Kathryn Cardon
Kathryn Cardon

Hi! I am a freelance writer and an aspiring entrepreneur who currently spends most of my time raising a puppy with my husband in a 20x12 shed we are converting into a Tiny House in East Texas. I have much to share and I am excited to do so! 

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