Filthy logo

What BDSM Isn't Part 2

Let's get kinky.

By Lena BaileyPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
Like

If you hadn't read part one click my name and do so now. So let's get back into this. We all know people judge or make up stuff about stuff they don't understand.

Dominates controls the submissive. This is sorta right and sorta wrong. Doms do control submissive in a way but the sub holds more control and more power. The dom sets rules and tells the submissive what is or isn't allowed. Other than that the submissive is really in control. The sub sets the boundaries and submissive is the one receiving a lot of the pleasure while the dominant does all the work. The dom receives their pleasure from sex and other means.

This lifestyle isn't full of mentally ill people. Yes there are people that have mental illnesses in the lifestyle but that's not the reason people in the lifestyle. There's so many reasons people are in the lifestyle but mental illness usually isn't one of them. We're also not damaged mentally for the most part we are ok and well adjusted.

While the lifestyle isn't abuse there are people who think there is no abuse in the lifestyle. There is abuse in the lifestyle and I have seen it for myself. People take their power too far and can go beyond boundaries. We talked about that in the last BDSM post.

Female dominates do not hate men. They just enjoy being in control and all the perks of being a dom. There is also the fact that not all female doms are with men. Yes there are women who enjoy inflicting pain to men but don't hate men. There are also women that maybe working through some stuff with men but don't hate men.

One myth is that you have to enjoy pain to be a submissive. You don't obviously. There is one submissive I know that had a low pain tolerance but then built up a tolerance to being spanked for punishment. Being a sadist or masochist doesn't determine if you are submissive or dominate.

That myth leads into the next one which is all dominates are sadist. Some doms don't get pleasure from inflicting pain so they go with out. There's some doms that just like to do other things like forced orgasms. There's so many things that don't involve pain that can bring pleasure.

So one myth that I hear from a few places is that people in BDSM are in the lifestyle to deal with their issues. There's a few issues that don't belong in the lifestyle like trust issues. One of the biggest issues people think people in the lifestyle are working through is mommy/daddy issues. That's not why people go into the lifestyle especially the DDLG side of things. I think that the lifestyle is great for working through some issues but if you have certain other issues don't be in the lifestyle.

Not all of the people in the lifestyle are dealing with abuse or some sort of trauma. A lot of people in the lifestyle may have some trauma or obese in their past. I ran into at least two others besides myself in the lifestyle who have trauma or abuse in their past. One of those people would use their past as an excuse to be a shitty person.

The lifestyle is not all about pain like I said earlier. It's about pleasure and trust. It's also about exploring this side of themselves. Pain can be apart of the lifestyle but it's not what it's all about.

In my original article I talked about how there's a myth that the lifestyle is all about violence which we debunked. There is another related myth that I want to debunk, the lifestyle is about violence against women. It's not and it's also not about degrading women either. There are some women that are into being degrading and hit. The whole lifestyle isn't based around that though. I don't consider flogging, paddling or anything similar to be violence. Those are simply just fetishes.

fetishes
Like

About the Creator

Lena Bailey

Georgia born writer. Specializing in dating and true crime

If you have any questions or comments please email [email protected]

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.