Lena Bailey
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Not Just for Ice Cream

So in the world of sex, there are two categories: kinky and vanilla. Kinky is where people are into stuff that goes beyond traditional sex, like restraints, orgasm control, and butt plugs. Vanilla is anything that involves regular anal, oral, or vaginal sex. Sometimes vanilla people use kinky once in a while to spice things up. Sometimes they come to the kinky side permanently. Vanillas sometimes badmouth the kinky people because they don't understand or they're just closed-minded and/or judgmental. Some kinky people have not been very nice to the vanillas either. One reason is that some of them may have been hurt by the vanillas. There is no shame in being kinky or vanilla. The thing is that we need to stop shaming each other or talking bad about each other. Just because you don't understand or agree with someone doesn't give you the right to be mean, judgmental, or rude.

You don't have to agree with everyone all the time, and you don't have to be their best friend. Just be nice and respectful. So how can we get along? Have a real conversation with people and be respectful. Also, educate yourself about other lifestyles. You need to realize that what you may find may not be your cup of tea, and that's OK. We all don't have to be into the same stuff, but we also shouldn't be a jerk about it. If we were all the same, it would be boring, but if we were nice to each other, the world would be a better place. You don't have to understand what people are into, you just have to be nice.

It also doesn't help the kinky/BDSM lifestyle when we can't get along amongst ourselves. There are a lot of people in the lifestyle or are kinky who kink shame each other. There are also people who want to make us feel like you don't belong with vanilla or kinky people. Only you know who you are and what you want. If you feel like you are kinky or into BDSM, don't let people tell you that you're not kinky enough. I had an ex who told me that I wasn't a sub because I wasn't into his abuse or into his style of BDSM. If it tells you anything, the only problem that particular ex had with Fifty Shades was that is was to mild. Yeah, that's the only problem with Fifty Shades. Kink can be done in many different ways. So can vanilla. So stop judging others based on what you think people should do. Only you can make decisions for you and no one else. 

What if you have a friend who suddenly comes out to you as kinky? So what? This doesn't make them any different than they were before you knew about this side of them. They probably have hidden this secret from you for a while, so they are the same person, just with this side you didn't know about. You don't have to talk about this side. You can actually ignore it. Your kinky friend does not want you to treat them differently. Just like you wouldn't want to be treated differently if they suddenly found out some new information about you.

What if a vanilla friend or family member stops talking to you or treats you differently because you come out as kink? Try to explain your version of the lifestyle to them. They may think the lifestyle is something it's not; the lifestyle means something different to everyone. Some people hear BDSM and think about 50 Shades. If explaining and talks don't work, let them have time and tell them to ask questions, if needed. If they come back, great, if not, wish them well and move on.

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