Understanding Sexuality

So you've come to realize that you're a little different; that you don't feel sexual attraction the way others around you do, or to the types of people those around you do. You feel it for the same sex. You feel it for both sexes. You feel it for all genders and people alike. You don't feel it at all.

And now you're searching the web, looking for any explanation you can find for the way you feel. You're looking up definitions of these unfamiliar terms you come across; finding quizzes to take to see if you really fit the criteria that label suggests.

It can be hectic and exhausting, and more than a little scary.

But take a breath. Hundreds of people, from adolescents to adults, go through this every day. It's okay. It's normal. You are normal.

First things first: What is sexuality?

Webster dictionary defines sexuality as the quality or state of being sexual: the condition of having sex, sexual activity, and expression of sexual receptivity or interest.

Put simply, this means who you are attracted to sexually and how you express that sexual interest.

This desire is different for everyone. And, although it can be ignored and not acted upon, it cannot be changed. You're attracted to what you're attracted to, it's a simple as that.

So, now that you understand your sexual impulses, what sexuality do you identify as?

Gay:

This is often used as an umbrella term in which the other sexualities fall under. However, it is also used to portray the sexuality of a male who is sexually attracted to another male.

Lesbian:

A female who is sexually attracted to another female.

Bisexual:

A person, male, female or other, who is sexually attracted to both binary genders of male and female.

Pansexual:

A person, male, female, or other, who is sexually attracted to any person, in spite of their sex or gender identity. They are attracted to a person for their personality/soul.

Asexual:

A person, male, female, or other, who is not sexually attracted to anyone. May be romantically attracted, but not sexually. May still enjoy sex, just not with others.

Demisexual:

A person, male, female, or other, who is only sexually attracted to another once they have a deep emotional connection. This can go with other sexualities to describe the gender(s) they like. Ex: A demisexual lesbian is a female who is sexually attracted to other females but very seldomly, and only after a deep emotional connection.

Transgender:

A person, male, female, or other, who identifies as a different gender than what their genitals dictate. While technically a gender and not a sexuality, some people who identify as transgender and are sexually attracted to the opposite sex as what they identify as and feel uncomfortable labeling themselves as straight. Thus, this intersects with their sexuality.

Polyamorous:

A person, male, female, or other, who has a sexual attraction to more than one person at a time. This can result in an open relationship between partners, or a closed relationship that occurs between three or more partners. This term can also go with other sexualities.

Now that you've read the list of sexualities, maybe one is sticking out to you. Maybe more than one is. That's great! You've made the first step in self-discovery. Now take a breath and read on, this next part is important

Coming to Terms with Your Label

Realizing that there is something different about you, something that goes against the norm is scary. So, first things first, don't panic. Or, maybe panic a little, get it out of your system, and then take a breath. I know I've said that many times throughout this article, but it's important. Next:

1. Do some research: Familiarize yourself with the term. Read more about what it means; why people identify that way. Learn why you identify that way.
2. Find similar stories: Find people who are similar to you, who identify with you. Read about their experiences, listen to their stories, watch their struggles and triumphs.
3. Connect: This community is wide and vast and there's always someone to listen and befriend. There are many, many, many others like you. Find them in your community, at your school, or work, or even the internet. Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter are full of others just like you. Meet others, talk, listen, find a support system.
4. Come out: This step is optional. A person should come out when THEY are ready, and on THEIR own terms. You should never feel pressured to come out. Take your time, ease into it. However, I can tell you from experience, just telling one person, saying it out loud, is life changing. It makes everything more real, makes you and your feelings more real. It is relieving, and a very therapeutic step. So, if you feel comfortable, and are able to safely, find someone to come out to. Someone you trust, who will support you. I know it's scary, but it can really help you move forward to living a full, happy life.
5. Embrace your sexuality: This is something you will have to continue to master every day. Being who you are and not letting anyone or anything stand in your way. You are a beautiful, kind, generous, deserving human being and nothing will ever change that. Embrace who you are, how you feel, and who you like. It's what makes you who you are. And trust me, that is more than enough.