If I had a pound for every time I heard someone ask me about my sex life and ask me probing questions about my body — I'd be a pretty rich woman by now. The same goes for the amount of times I've heard people ask my fellow trans friends similar questions. It seems pretty taboo that transgender people can have sex — let alone actually enjoy intimacy. It's true that we often, but not always, hate our bodies and desperately want out... but to assume we're all asexual couldn't be further from the truth.
I love sex as much as the next woman. I love all kinds of sex and exploring my body with my partner to see what I love and what I hate. And I can't wait to do even more exploring when I can officially call myself post op. Sex is about passion and lighting the flame inside your heart. It's about trusting someone enough to share yourself when you're at your most vulnerable. What's not to love about that?
When it comes to sex, there are things that make me uncomfortable. Terminology can be a big one. Sometimes it bothers me more than others, but I make it clear to people that I prefer female terminology for the most part — regardless of what body I'm currently trapped in. But this doesn't mean I hate sex, and it certainly doesn't mean I hate my body during sex. Our bodies are wonderful things. They keep us alive. They give us pleasure. It's amazing what our bodies can do, and when we're intimate with someone it's truly mesmerizing how our bodies respond.
I love the soft moans that leave my mouth. I love the way I instinctively have to grab something or someone when I'm about to climax. I love the way my body trembles when it's reaching the finish line.
I don't feel comfortable around everyone. I've only ever been fully naked in bed with two people. I feel paranoid and self conscious when my top is removed and I'm completely naked. I hate the feeling usually. But this isn't always the case. With my partner I feel totally at ease with him. I love the way he makes me feel. He looks past my body and makes me feel like the girl I am on the inside, and this makes the sex all the more special for me. I feel truly like myself when we're pleasuring each other — and I love that feeling so much.
I understand why society would assume that transgender people don't have a sex life to speak of — I mean, we do, for the most part, hide our bodies away and feel uncomfortable by our bodies. But these assumptions are totally ill placed and it needs to stop. People need to stop acting surprised when they find out that transgender people are capable of dating and of having sex. They need to accept that, whilst it may seem strange to them, sex is an amazing thing for everyone and it knows no bounds.
I'm talking a lot about myself here — but I feel it's important to input personal opinion into such a debate. It's important to share personal thoughts and experiences so that we can hopefully experience a more tolerant and open society.
I'm transgender, I love a good fuck and have a pretty high sex drive — and that's not something I'm ashamed of. My sexuality is what makes me myself and I'm proud of it. I'm not hiding it for anyone, and transgender people certainly shouldn't be expected to hide their sexuality from the world.