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Every now and then people want to spice up their sex lives. The quick in and out of passionate intimacy can become increasingly boring. So why not try new and exciting things! New things can come in many forms. It can be lube, new positions, different condoms, and so on and so forth. There is another huge way to spice up anyone’s sexual encounters: SEX TOYS! While browsing online looking at the art of each sex toy, I have found so many weird ones! I mean there are sex toys that I have never heard of in my life! People actually use these products and it fascinates me as much as it weirds me out! So, today I am here to tell you guys about the top ten weirdest sex toys that I have come across!
Sex Toy #1 Rubber Fisting Mitten
Yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like. It is a rubber mitten for the purpose of fisting. It’s super creepy and weird, but people actually buy things. You have to be some type of freaky freak to be okay with that whole mitten going in any orifice of your body. It’s totally strange, but, hey, to each their own.
Sex Toy #2 Electric Sex Glove Set
Straight from lubed up mittens to spark-happy gloves, I come to you with a sex toy that is definitely a shocker. These gloves give you free rein to shock the hell out of anyone you touch. I’m sure you guessed by the name that this product has something to do with electricity. Well, you’re not wrong. While this bizarre product can send a little shiver down your partner’s spine, you could also use it to shock the shit out of any and every one. Sounds like fun, if you ask me.
Sex Toy #3 Rubber Duckie Vibrator
Yup, I guess we can’t just take innocent bubble baths anymore. Now, women are polluting the steamy waters of their own home. I mean, I guess it’s not as bad when the pollution is coming from you right? Maybe? Anyone? I don’t know how to feel about this because I am literally so used to rubber duckies being a part of my childhood. Imagine a kid getting ahold of “mommy’s special duckie.” That’s nasty.
Sexy Toy #4 Foot Fetish Vagina Thingy
I don’t know what else to call it. I mean it’s literally a foot with a vagina attached to it, as if feet and vaginas didn’t already have their own separate peculiarity. Personally, I don’t see how making love to a vagina foot could release any endorphins. Stick to foot porn or something. Weirdo.
Sex Toy #5 Gas Mask Dildo
Okay. I’m going to start this off by saying... What the fuck? Why is this a thing? Who thought of this? Who uses this? I have so many questions. This is probably one of the weirdest things I think I’ve ever seen in my life. Like, why is this enjoyable? What is the actual purpose? How does it work? And I mean, whose vagina sets off tear gas? But shit, I guess with all these nasty STD’s floating around, you can never be too careful.
Sex Toy #6 Baby Jesus Butt Plug
Sex Toy #7 Area 51 Sex Doll
I guess this is every nerd's dream. You get your freak on with all them aliens and government secrets. Just don’t get killed trying to sell government secrets for some hanky-panky.
Sex Toy #8 Pig Tail Butt Plug
Everyone loves bacon. I love bacon. Bacon is life. But why in the fuck do you want be a piggy just to get your boots knocked. Why in the world? First of all, what are butt plugs used for? Can anyone let me in on that secret? I never have understood the beauty of a butt plug. Just don’t touch my ass and we’ll be okay.
Sex Toy #9 Cone Thingy
No, get that cone out of there!
Sex Toy #10 Inflatable Seat Vibrator
Yup, people are out here using regular ass seats and turning it into some nasty stuff. Basically, you sit down and go to town with yourself. Send help.
The moral of the story is to try a new position everyone. There is more to life than this. Stop it. Get some help.