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Thoughts She Has in Cowgirl Position

If she's not thinking of you, what exactly is she thinking about in cowgirl position?

By Jus L'amorePublished 8 years ago 5 min read
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For the love of God, why must everything be difficult for a vagina and its owner? Like the big man upstairs couldn’t throw us a bone even when it came to…boning. I know men have their issues too with impotence, tiny weiners, and premature balding but come on, a majority of young lads require nothing more than a gust of air for their dick to be standing at salute. Then they get to stick it in various holes and get off in a minute or less with very little concentration or concern. Unlike women who have to keep tabs on all their body parts at all times in addition to what’s for dinner tomorrow.

Just for shits and gigs, I created a glimpse inside a woman’s brain: girl agrees to sex, girl gets naked, girl gets into bed, girl considers what position would be best, girl begins to think…. “are my breasts too big? Do they look like two leaky water balloons from this angle? Why is my vagina as dry as the fucking Sahara Desert right now? I’m sure the girls in his porn videos are leaking fluids like the goddamn Niagara Falls. Is he going to last long enough for me to come? If not, will I have time to finish myself off in the shower later tonight?”

Whether women are on all fours, underneath, or on top, there are always thoughts we are unable to ignore or escape. I’ve analyzed the mental mayhem during oral and doggy style, but now let us take a look at when a woman is on top.

How exactly does one ride a man correctly?

Am I going too fast, too slow? Should I be bopping up and down like a kid on a pogo stick? Or grinding nice and slow like a stripper at GoGo Rama? I wonder if there is a YouTube video for this? It would help if he would make up his mind instead of going against my motions and bucking me off like a mechanical bull. This isn’t sexy, this is uncomfortable. If it were up to me I would follow the lead of my clitoral region and cause so much friction that he would be busting a load in less than a minute.

I hope his penis doesn’t pop out.

Oh shit, his penis popped out! Should the girl be in charge of redirecting his erection or should the guy take the lead and plug it back in? I hope this decision doesn’t take too long, because all it takes is a long pause or rush of cold air to dry up a woman’s well. Did I really just say a woman’s well? Lord, I need to stop reading my “contemporary” aka porn novels.

Why does he have to involve my tits and his mouth?

Can’t he just palm and massage rather than trying to lick and suck? Even admiring them as they bounce an inch from his face would be a better option. Once you try and involve your mouth and a tit, it becomes much like a game of hole in one. We have to bend over enough so that you can reach the nipple and then we have to control our hips just so it can stay in your mouth. What if it slips out and pokes you in the eye? How sexy am I supposed to feel when you get bitch slapped by my DD? Just lay back and enjoy the view amigo, comprende?

Should I rock his world and reverse this cowgirl?

I am aware that it may seem like I hate sex…and that men are annoying…and fucking can be a real bother to my daily life. Let me reassure you, this “Wonderwife turned nightly Sex Kitten” doesn’t write about boners all day because she hates them. In fact, I love them and men and wild-ass sex. Well, not ass sex. Okay, occasionally ass sex, but you know what I mean. Anyhoo, there are nights I do like to turn it up a notch and throw my man for a loop or spin in this matter. Especially when he is about to explode way before I’m ready. So to rock his socks and delay orgasm, I retreat, spin, and take a ride in reverse. Not only will this give him a minute to catch his bearings but it will also make him proud. Proud to have such an adventurous girl. And let’s face it; there is only one thing women love more than complaining and that is receiving praise.

How many chins do I have?

Ahhh this again, the dreaded double chins. Here’s a quick tip, instead of looking down at him while you take a ride on the pony express, look up. Even better arch your back, raise your arms, and gaze at the sky. If you need to balance yourself or you’re just too tired for all that core strength, simply hang on to the headboard for Christ sake, just whatever you do, don’t look down at him for longer than 3 seconds. Even the thinnest of girls are capable of twin chinning it from this angle.

There’s no way I can break his dick, right?

I don’t know how a fucking penis works because I don’t have one! All I know is it can be hard or soft, is slightly bendable, and always reminds me of a tiny soldier with a cute little helmet on. I know, I know cute and little should never be used when describing a man’s junk, get over it. But seriously, a dick doesn’t have bones so it can’t break…or can it? I once heard of a man who sprained his penis while his girl tried to do a back flip off his dick (BRILLIANT) but how common is that injury? Well, there is no way I can do a fucking back flip so I guess I don’t have to worry about that, but what if I fall off? What if I get so drunk and pass out mid-grind, falling to my death and fracturing his dick? Well, I guess in this horror fantasy I am dead so who really gives two shits if his dick shatters. Serves him right, friends shouldn’t let friends get wasted and drive…a cock.

Is he ever going to flip me over?

Listen, this was fun, but if I can’t go as fast as I want or you can’t handle the motion of my ocean, then why torture yourself? Roll us over or hit it doggy style, but please, let’s get this orgasm show on the road! Not to mention my fucking thighs are burning. This is like boot camp Zumba on crack with 100 mini gyrating squats and no break in sight. If you don’t flip me like a pancake soon my legs are going to cramp up, leaving me momentarily paralyzed and then this rodeo is really over.

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About the Creator

Jus L'amore

Sometimes offensive yet mostly sweet. Always honest and often vulgar. I'm a wife, MILF, and everyone's homey. From trends and sex to mom life and fitness, I tell it how it is and not how it should be.

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