Well, I have recently returned to work after giving birth to my third baby, I wrote an article sex and pregnancy a while back, before I gave birth about having sex during pregnancy. I thought I would do a follow up on sex 'after' having a baby. Now I know some of you boys out there might want to switch off, put your fingers in your ears and sing "la la la" really loudly! Some of you girls may even want to switch off now! It isn't something that gets talked about often. I can honestly say in all the baby groups and library sing-song sessions I attended over the last ten months, not one lady has come up to me and said
"Hey, how's ya vagina?"
So sit back, get comfortable, and get the popcorn out!....
The truth is after expelling the equivalent of a watermelon out of my privates... even I couldn't bring myself to touch or look at my vagina, let alone let anyone else near it! It felt like a god damn crime scene! Joking aside though, most nurses advise at least four to six weeks before you have any kind of sex. It actually isn't safe, so I think the thoughts and feelings I had was just my body telling me to hold off... and maybe spend a bit of time bonding with baby, which obviously is amazing.
Then the next set of untalked about thoughts and feelings kicks in. What if I don't ever ever feel like sex again? Well, that is a normal and natural thought too. Libido is scientifically lowered and with being completely emotionally overwhelmed, you are really bloody exhausted! The lower levels of estrogen you now have cause vaginal dryness. On top of that, breastfeeding can cause dryness as well.
Boy oh boy, that was depressing! The good news is that we are made to make babies! It is what sex is for. Thankfully, there is now contraception to make sure the whole baby thing only happens when you are ready for it and we can have recreational fun! I can tell you though, I had anxious feelings about my sex life post-pregnancy, all three times and every time I have been amazed by how the body and mind heal. I would like to be able to say I still have the vagina of a 16-year-old... I maybe should have asked the doctor to pop a cheeky couple of extra stitches in for hubby! For me, thankfully, it is all well that ends well.
It can be emotionally and physically consuming and may require some proactive measures, Go down to your local Oh Zone store for some decent lube, Superslyde is great and maybe for mum, a new toy to play with, just to get yourselves back into the mood without having pressure from each other... and most importantly some Kegels to strengthen the muscles down there! There are plenty of articles on Kegels and the benefits of using them on the Adultsmart Blog. I can't stress the importance of these, especially as you have more pregnancies and get older. When you piss every time you sneeze, it sure isn't sexy! Kegels should be mandatorily prescribed pre and post-pregnancy.
The other thing that can be challenging, is your partner's jealousy over the bond you have with the new baby. Try to find time for each other, even if it is just a kiss and a cuddle. A baby can make a couple more intimate but sometimes it does the exact opposite, so, on a daily basis, both parties need to make a bit of an extra effort in thinking about each other's feelings.
Just when you thought it was all dry vaginas and bad moods, there are the leaking breasts! Now there are a whole lot of men out there paying good money to watch lactating women. I know that for a fact, but it can be a bit strange for a couple to associate where the baby feeds from to something sexual. It becomes less of an erogenous zone for a woman, but at the same time, they can squirt if intimately touched. My advice about that one is if it isn't your "thing" to have a good laugh about it.
So whilst I was convinced I would never be able to have enjoyable sex again, I can vouch for the fact that it happens. Slowly but surely the mind and body work in ways that can be beyond our control, although we can certainly help the process with some decent advice and products.