While sex offers some pretty fantastic "wonderfulness," there can also be some pretty unpleasant "drawbacks." For instance, it can be "messy" and stinky, because, let's face it, you never know exactly what's been happening in your nether regions after a hot, sweaty day. It can also be embarrassing, uncomfortable, and/or hilarious (especially when things don't go exactly as you had hoped and planned). But, besides all the dirty and weird things that can occur during sex, there are still some frustrating things that can happen while you're trying to get your "groove on" with your partner. Yikes!
Unfortunately, you never really know how it's all going to play out. You hope for the best, but...it's really a game of chance. Regardless, you go for it anyway, crossing your fingers the whole time. Your goal? Mind-blowing sex and a fantastic orgasm (or one or two or three)—for both you and your partner. And, although you can't predict or control an occasional blip during sex, you can take it to a whole 'notha level simply by paying attention to valuable feedback and direction, spending extra time on clitoral stimulation, practicing healthy masturbation, and ejaculating "at the right time."
The good news is you can banish these bad habits from your sex life—for good. And, guess what? Today is your lucky day because this article will highlight some of the things you may be doing wrong when it comes to sex; so you can correct them and have the best sex EVER!
Listed below are things you may be doing wrong when it comes to sex:
1. Refusing to Listen to Feedback or Direction
How good are you at listening to your partner's feedback or direction when it comes to sex? Not very good? Well, that's problem #1. When it comes to sex, feedback and direction are keys to success. Listen, it's easy to bristle when your partner tells you that you didn't do something "right", but the worst thing you can do is refuse to listen to her feedback and direction. It doesn't mean you have crappy skills, it just means that everyone is different and what turns one person on may turn another one off.
It's a learning process, so you can both be sexually satisfied. The truth is, getting angry and upset because your partner offers sex tips is...well...really silly and immature. So, don't do that. Because really, once your partner's engine is roaring to go, the last thing you want to do is cause the "car" to stall because you refused to listen to what she told you to do. So, do yourself a favor and just go with it. If your lady likes music playing in the background during sex (because it puts her in the "mood")—turn the music on to set the ambiance.
If she likes to have sex in the dark (because of the mystique), well, turn off the damn lights! And, if she requests you wear a specific type of condom because it's more comfortable for her, make a trip to the drugstore to purchase the type of condoms she likes. Hey, "condom sex" is better than no sex.
Sex is best as a "tango." So, take heed of your partner's guidance, tips, directions, feedback—whatever you want to call it. It will only help both of you in the long-run. Because, honestly, if the sex feels good, well, you better be ready for round 2.
2. Slacking on Clitoral Stimulation
How much clitoral stimulation do you engage in with your partner? Not much? Well, that's problem #2. Foreplay, especially the kind that involves clitoral stimulation, can make all the difference when it comes to having great sex. What is clitoral stimulation? It's the manual manipulation of a woman's clitoris, a.k.a her "golden treasure trove."
You can stimulate her clitoris through oral sex or by taking your fingers and rubbing the clitoral head (the little nub) until she becomes aroused and her clitoris begins to swell or "puff out." The good thing about clitoral stimulation is that it prepares your partner to receive your penis. So, the best way to get your lady hot and bothered for sex is to spend a little extra time getting to know her "little friend."
Oh, and don't slack when it comes to the surrounding areas either (the clitoral hood). In fact, tease her a little by going around the head first (all around it). Then, slowly work your way towards the head and once you hit it—BAM! A major benefit of clitoral stimulation? It will get your lady super wet for the main event—intercourse. Rushing through sex, on the other hand, is the worst thing you can do. So, settle in and spend some time pleasuring your partner’s clit.
3. Unhealthy Masturbation
How often do you masturbate? A lot? Sometimes? Well, whether you are a “frequent subscriber” or just an “occasional visitor” to masturbation, it’s important to practice healthy masturbation—at ALL times. Never heard of healthy masturbation? Well, then that’s problem #3. You may be doing it wrong. So, what if you are? Well, unhealthy masturbation can lead to sexual issues like premature ejaculation (PE), erectile dysfunction (ED), or delayed ejaculation (DE).
What exactly is unhealthy masturbation? Well, masturbation may be considered “unhealthy” if you are excessively masturbating—like most of the day, over and over again, to the point where it takes over your life and distracts you from performing “normal,” daily functions. It is also “unhealthy” if you spend most, if not all, of your time watching porn or if you base your “real-life” sex life on what you see on the screen.
What happens if you engage in “unhealthy” masturbation for too long? Well, there’s a possibility it can lead to addiction and performance anxiety, in addition to sexual dysfunctions. The good news is you don’t have to keep engaging in “unhealthy” masturbation, nope. You can learn the correct way to masturbate, so you can last longer and experience some pretty amazing sex.
4. Coming Too Early or Too Late
Do you tend to ejaculate too early or too late? If so, that’s problem #4. Let’s be honest, it sucks when your “timing” isn’t right. You know… when you’re an “early releaser” or a “delayed releaser.” There’s nothing worse than getting into a sexual situation, only to have your “firehose” extinguish the sexual flame before the right time. On the flip side, it equally sucks when your “firehose” doesn’t extinguish the sexual flame until you and your partner are about to collapse from the heat.
Most guys experience an occasion sexual “snafu” that causes them to come too early or too late. However, if you notice a pattern of coming too early or too late, you may be experiencing premature ejaculation (PE) or delayed ejaculation (DE). The good news is there are things you can do to improve your “timing” during sex!
With all the nuances involved with “having sex,” it makes perfect sense that you may not be doing everything right. And unfortunately, even little blunders (i.e. “That’s not the right hole!”) or verbal slip-ups (i.e. “You remind me of my mom!”) can cause a woman to flee your presence—in a hurry. However, if you pay close attention to the tips offered in this article, you’ll never have to worry about upsetting your partner with things you are doing wrong when it comes to sex. See how that works! Now, get to it!
About the Author
Dr. R.Y. Langham holds a Master of Science in marriage and family therapy, and a Ph.D. in family psychology. She serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs for men and couples experiencing premature ejaculation.
- Chatel, A. (2015). 21 worst things people do during sex. Bustle. Retrieved from Bustle
- Sher, D. (2018). How to masturbate correctly – A guide for healthy male masturbation. Between Us Clinic. Retrieved from Between Us Clinic
- Between Us Clinic. (2018). How to prevent premature ejaculation – A list of possible treatments. Retrieved from Between Us Clinic