Filthy is powered by Vocal creators. You support Lizzie Boudoir by reading, sharing and tipping stories... more

Filthy is powered by Vocal.
Vocal is a platform that provides storytelling tools and engaged communities for writers, musicians, filmmakers, podcasters, and other creators to get discovered and fund their creativity.

How does Vocal work?
Creators share their stories on Vocal’s communities. In return, creators earn money when they are tipped and when their stories are read.

How do I join Vocal?
Vocal welcomes creators of all shapes and sizes. Join for free and start creating.

To learn more about Vocal, visit our resources.

Show less

Things to Know When Going to a Sex Party

Sex and partying go together well. Whether you are thrilled, intrigued, or absolutely petrified, there are a few key things to know when going to a sex party. 

via Refinery29

If you are thinking of going to your first swinger party, you're bound to be feeling a wide range of emotions. What should I wear? What happens when I get there? Are they even legal? This article looks at things to know when going to a sex party and helps bust some myths about the mysterious world of the sex club. Sex parties, also known by a variety of other terms such as play parties, swinger parties, and lifestyle parties, are organized sex get-togethers where consenting, paying party-goers engage in sex with other consenting, paying party-goers. Simple, right? We bet you still have a list of things to know before going to a sex party. So here goes.

Consent First & Always 

Consent is the most important rule in every sex scenario and the same goes for a sex party. Not everybody will be on the same page when it comes to sex, so communication is key. Everybody has boundaries. The attendees may be interested in exploring their erotic sides, but that doesn't necessarily mean they will have sex with anyone and everyone. It's important to not just touch or grope somebody without asking first. Basic manners and etiquette apply here in the same way that they would in any other scenario when someone approaches someone else to chat them up and don't forget, this means you can refuse as well. The word "no" is perfectly acceptable to use in a sex party situation and must always be respected. 

Spectators Welcome

Believe it or not, not everyone at a sex party is there for the sex! There are lots of first-timers or nervous patrons who prefer to see what's what first or just watch. This is allowed in most parties, but check first whether you can just be a lurker as it may depend on the party rules. Some people are also there to make friends—after all, everyone in the room has at least one thing in common and sex clubs tend to have a community feel about them. They are parties for people with the same interest of sex and a sex party can be an enjoyable night out. This brings us to the next point.


Photo by Maurizio Di Lorio

If you don't fancy getting down, there are usually plenty of refreshments on offer which, let's face it, is a bonus at any party! Most sex parties have a buffet table somewhere between a bowl of condoms and a group of people exploring their erotic fantasies. Sex is a sport after all, so you're bound to build up an appetite and thirst. Most newcomers tend to seek out an alcoholic beverage to steady the nerves, but be careful not to overdo it and make decisions you might regret the next morning, with a sore head. It is sometimes best to remain teetotal or just opt for the one cocktail to help you relax. 

Safety First 

via Refinery29

Another important thing to know when going to a sex party is the health and safety etiquette. Yep, every party has a different set of rules or ways to behave, but it is your responsibility to practice safe sex. It is generally good to get in the habit of bringing your own condoms or dental damns and if allowed, the same goes for your own sex toys. Hygiene is a big deal, so it's also a good plan to bring some antibacterial wipes or gel with you. The last thing you want to leave with is a nasty infection!

Feeling the Vibe 

via Refinery29

A sex party conjures up images of wild, lustful activity and passionate, erotic encounters but the truth is, they are not always that way. Some bigger parties can be a little intimidating and some smaller ones can feel a bit awkward. People usually warm up and the sensual atmosphere increases but it can be a good idea to get yourself in the mood before going out. Try whatever turns you on normally—a bath, watching a sexy film, or wearing something that makes you feel good—anything that helps heighten your sexual mood. 

Drop the Serious Act 

Most people are at a sex party to have some fun and generally, people don't take it too seriously. Try to be confident and do the approaching and chatting, as this will help you and others feel at ease. It is best to avoid lurking in the shadows, but instead smile and make conversation. If you attend the party thinking they are a bit sordid and spend your time hiding away or feeling guilty/embarrassed, chances are you'll be ignored. Speaking of being ignored... 

Take the Rough with the Smooth

Dealing with rejection is another one of the things you need to know when going to a sex party. A lot of patrons are unaware that their advances might get knocked back, even when there is a room full of people who are usually wanting to get it on. Most people reject politely and not everybody will be each other's type. Just as in real life dating situations, you won't be attractive to every single person there, whether they are more sexually confident and willing than in an average setting or not. Approaching somebody can be just as nerve-wracking as when you're out in any other club and wanting a date or to flirt. 

Bring a Plus 1 or 2 or 3 

via Refinery29

People go to sex clubs for different reasons. Some want to have sex with a stranger, but others come along with a group of friends or companions they have planned to have sex with and want to do it in public at the sex party. General etiquette is not to spend too long with the same people and to move on, but you can always do the same and arrive with pre-planned sexual company. Alternatively, you can bring a plus one (or more) purely for moral support. Exploring your sexual fantasies is much easier if you can share the experience with somebody you know and trust. It also helps to have somebody with you so you wonít feel all alone. 

Dress Code

via Refinery29

Most people worry about the pre-party prep; from grooming to what outfit to choose. Some sex parties have a theme, but for those that don't, anything goes. Some people might wear casual jeans and a t-shirt while others choose to wear see-through material, lace or fishnet tights and dress sexy. Partygoers tend not to be judgmental. Ask the organizer what other people normally wear. You don't need to go overboard with your outfit or rush to your nearest erotica store for a rubber suit! The clothes will soon be coming off anyway. 

Picking Your Party

There are lots of different types of parties to go along to, from big orgy parties to smaller parties where you practise kissing and fondling! Some explore certain fetishes, while others are for gay or lesbians only. Check the details before signing up because they vary a lot and you donít want to RSVP for the wrong type of play party and be in for a surprise. 

Unwritten Rules  

via Refinery29

Each party has its own set of rules; Some are clear rules of things to know before going to a sex party and others you will pick up along the way. Some parties explore fantasies and fetishes, while others focus on plain "vanilla" sex. Make sure you do your research and homework before attending. There's also some behavior that you will learn as you go along. For example, if you attend a heterosexual sex party with your partner and approach a couple, it is usually best for a woman to approach them first, as it is less threatening for the other man and more comfortable for the other woman. You'll pick these pointers up.

Sex can be addictive, so if you go along and enjoy your first sex party, try not to make too much of a habit of it. Everything in moderation, as they say. It's also worth remembering that you might leave disappointed. Not every party will suit you or meet high expectations, so take it for what it is and put it down to an experience! The points above should give you a good introductory guide to things to know when going to a sex party. Every party experience varies and every party-goer is different. If you have any more questions, the party leader or host/hostess can usually answer them and put your worries at ease. 

Now Reading
Things to Know When Going to a Sex Party
Read Next
Sexiest Halloween Costumes