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These Food Porn Photos Will Make You Lose Your Appetite

Real food porn isn't always organic.

By Lizzie BoudoirPublished 8 years ago 2 min read
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Food porn is not for the spoiled elite. It is for the luscious lovelies with berry bush and peppery tastes. Like fresh cantaloup, scooped out and filled with cottage cheese, food porn can feel fresh and fulfilling. The French are known to tongue a pepper before cunnilingus and Israelis take a lick on a sliced avocado. The rotten batches are discarded, often on the floor. Steady stems, slightly squeezable, make a great foundation for food porn. The banana is the king of the fruit porn pasture. Slowly peeling off his sheath, the banana exposes itself to the lips of an often green, shiny head of lettuce. Bursting through its skin, the banana fits perfectly with everything from peanut butter to creamy yogurt. Food porn is only a few steps away, from bedroom to kitchen, where a plethora of pleasure begins by opening a door. A refrigerator door opens up to the vast supply of sexual accoutrements for the culinary challenged.

Banana Leg Bend

Photograph by Tony Lane

"Ah, Chiquita... she said I was the berries when I beat around her bush. We were a handsome pair in our salad days."

Perhaps it sounds too elegant, but berry bush penetration with a well ripened, thick banana can make all the difference in the quality of food porn.

Pepper Penetration

Photograph by Tony Lane

"And then there was Verna....what a peppery lass she was, although still quite green. She always said she wanted give me lettuce."

Verna really was a spicy pepper, but so new to the pleasures of forbidden fruit.

Eat Out Eggplant

Photograph by Tony Lane

"The valley between Urline's ample stems yielded rich blossoms, but my publishers insisted that I crop this photo. They treat me like an old rake."

Urline wasn't Italian, but she loved her eggplant parmigiana layered on a long, soft baguette.

Coital Cantaloupe

Photograph by Tony Lane

"I was always trying to get fresh with Melonie, but she finally drew the line on night when she told me, 'We cantaloupe.'"

I still miss Melonie, but when told we cantaloupe, her taste buds went flat.

Pepper Pecker Tongue

Photograph by Tony Lane

"And Daisy! She was luscious enough to eat. However, she was rotten—her parents had spoiled her, no doubt."

Bad girl Daisy liked to chew her food. Quite still was I when she was feasting.

Pepper Pap Smear

Photograph by Tony Lane

April was a librarian. "Aimez-vous flower power?" I asked her. She said she admired my command of the French tongue...

During the month of showers, with moisture in the air and morning dew on the bush, April tasted the freshest.

Recommended Reading

Food porn is a unique taste, and if it meets your fancy it can become somewhat addicting. Delve deeper into the world of food porn with a more in-depth tale with Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook by F.L. Fowler.

Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook by F.L. Fowler tells the tale of Miss Chicken, a young free range, and the man who wishes to heat her until her juices run dry. Miss Chicken, much like Anastasia in E.L Forester's Fifty Shades of Grey, has fallen into the hands of a man who wishes to control her every move in this spoof cookbook.

satirefooderotic
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About the Creator

Lizzie Boudoir

Thrice married, in love once, overly romantic, and hypersexual.

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