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The Sanctity of Sexuality

We're more than just meat-suits coming together...

Another Profound Piece by artist Alex Grey

Let's take about sex, maybe...

I am not exactly known for being a sex guru of any kind, but my own experiences have taught me a thing or two about the nature of love, lust, and the struggle between our humanity and our divinity.

When our ancestors first "discovered" sex, I am sure they likely felt similar to how I felt when I turned 13. Perhaps they did not analyze themselves like I did, but I'm sure the biochemical euphoria kept them coming back for more. (And kept more of our ancestors coming! Be thee fruitful.)

I have no way of knowing for sure, but I would venture a guess that thoughts of spiritual connection and deep emotional meaning were not at the forefront of our ancestors. Sex was likely just the same as eating—a natural urge to be fulfilled for the benefit of the individual and the group.

Flash forward to the modern day. We've come a long way—thank God! We still have a long way to go, but present-day sexuality offers us much untapped potential in terms of our overall growth and enjoyment of life.

After years of working my spiritual process, I began approaching my love interests in a much different way. Teenage Michael would simply fantasize in the usual ways, but would rarely have the courage to turn his fantasies into actual communication with the woman in question.

What I do now is basically approach sexuality and romantic partnerships in the reverse order of when I hit puberty. Rather than focus on the body of the woman I love, I take my time to energetically tune into her and send her love, good intentions, and a willingness to commit myself to her.

If I'm in love with a woman and she wants to just be friends, I immediately change my approach. I basically put the thoughts of sex on hold and just endeavor to be the best damn friend I can be. Rather than trying to get out of the "friend zone" in order to cut to the coitus, I simply slow the process down and enjoy the slow courtship of befriending the woman I love.

Even if we don't end up romantically entwined, there is truly no love lost. By spending so much time in love and devotion to one's beloved we automatically reap the rewards of positive feelings and good energy in our own lives. The key is not to try to force a romance, but rather to simply be as engaged as possible in showing the one we love how much we care about them.

The key thing here is to be aware of the energy that we bring to the situation. In the past I would try this befriending approach, but I was always so desperate for the romantic stuff that I would sabotage myself and jump the gun. Needless to say, this bumped me out of the friend zone and into the "casual acquaintance zone," if I was lucky.

We've all heard people that say they're married to their best friend. Therefore, it stands to reason that if I can be a great friend to the woman I love, it will make a romantic partnership that much easier, if it is meant to happen.

Think about how sex works in many dysfunctional relationships. I've worked with many clients who say they jump right into bed with their partners, and that great sex is basically the cornerstone of their connection.

Many people report that things start out great at first. The sex is explosive and liberating, and both partners feel a mutual high from being with one another. This soon turns into a pattern of fighting and arguing followed by "make up sex" in an attempt to recapture the goodness of the early relationship while avoiding the pain that is coming up.

The opposite approach is of course to not rush into the sex, but rather to cultivate the deeper qualities of the relationship and ensure its solid foundation. Sex is meant to be the dessert, but many people are accustomed to eating cake for dinner. Rather than rely on temporary sexual experiences, we can focus on cultivating positive qualities in ourselves that we can then share with our prospective partners.

I have found that this can have profound effects as long as we are willing to surrender control and just trust the process. I've found that women love seeing men who aren't afraid to demonstrate their highest virtues, and who aren't afraid to be honest and vulnerable. As a man I like to see a woman who is strong and confident in herself, and never afraid to be completely honest with me, even if it means we may never be together romantically.

If we're able to approach our romantic interests with a deep level of care, love, and honesty, it sets a great emotional foundation for a great partnership. If I'm befriending someone that I love with the desperate hope that she'll reciprocate my feelings then she'll pick up on my lack of confidence and desperation and she'll back off even more.

Of course, if we are destined to be with a person we will find ourselves coming together in spite of everything we think we're doing right or wrong. The more we're able to heal and love ourselves in our solitude the easier and more joyful it will be when we finally merge with our beloved.

If this conscious self-care and preparation is done diligently by both partners then sex will become elevated to a different strata altogether. Ironically, both partners will actually be free of the compulsive or addictive urge to have sex; it will be an act of love and commitment rather than a means to simply avoid pain or seek temporary pleasure.

For those who are fully in love with themselves and each other, they will experience things that are truly beyond the limits of language to convey. The most magnificent experience of all is to consciously conceive a child together with full love and awareness of the precious gift of creation that has been given to us.

This is such a far cry from the profane sexual expressions we see throughout our culture. There is a big relearning process to be undertaken in regards to human sexuality. We've been given so many misleading messages, and in our innocence we began acting out from these limiting and false beliefs.

Sex has always been a sacred expression, but we've fallen so far astray from the natural order of things that it has often become inverted (perverted?) to represent the darkest and most base qualities of the human unconscious. Pornography and the growing sex robot industry are examples of the limited way in which people have approach sexuality, and we can certainly see the harmful results from our unhealed sexual wounds.

The deepest wound of all is that of isolation. Young men in particular may withdraw into a private world of AI-fueled sexual experiences. No matter how pleasurable any experience may be, there will always be that underlying yearning to truly connect with oneself and a loving human partner.

This article is an open invitation to begin looking at sex from a much more loving and inclusive perspective. If we are able to respect the mind and body of ourselves and our partners, then we will open ourselves to experience the true bliss of communing with the soul of our beloved.

Sexuality is not always easy to talk about. I try to approach it in a very grounded and neutral way, and I am admittedly quite a prude a lot of the time. I got bored of sex rather early in life unless it was along the lines of the sacred experiences we've been discussing here.

I am always happy to talk to people (particularly fellow guys) about these most intimate of human topics. Creating cultural taboos and restrictions will only delay our ability to heal and move forward both individually and as a society.

Thank you once again for your continued support and willingness to consider some ideas that may be rather far-removed from the mainstream—at least for the time being.

Seeds of Love

Read next: Dirty Wives Club
Michael Thielmann
Michael Thielmann

I am a counselor, spiritual mentor, and writer living on Vancouver Island. My passion is to help people get in touch with their own love, creativity, and empower them to live in alignment with their highest wisdom. www.seedsoflove.ca

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The Sanctity of Sexuality
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