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The Paul Walker Effect

One big reason to take ego out of dating.

By Matt SweckerPublished 7 years ago 2 min read
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I have a theory about attraction. The theory is best illustrated by a scene at the beginning of the original "The Fast and the Furious." Paul Walker (may he rest in peace) plays Brian O'Connor, a man who apparently really enjoys the tuna salad sandwich at the place of employment of his crush, Mia. In the movie, he goes to the diner day after day for the shitty tuna sandwich (on white bread without crust) and because she thinks he's hot stuff, she finds it endearing that he visits her every day and orders the same thing.

Let me play out the same scenario, with not-Paul-Walker. For the sake of argument, let's say not-Paul-Walker is still handsome, but Mia doesn't like his personality. He rubs her the wrong way. Or he reminds her of her brother. Or he has BO. Whatever reason, she's not into him. But he keeps coming back for the sandwich.

It's not endearing. He's just a weirdo ordering a terrible tuna sandwich every day. And when he asks her out, she ain't having any of it.

This is the Paul Walker Effect.

This theory extends to just about any situation where you risk coming across as creepy to show you like someone. Leaving a note on her car to tell her you have a crush on her? If she's into you, she's ecstatic! If she's not, well...you're exhibiting stalker behavior. Writing her a song to tell you how you feel? If she likes you, that's romantic as shit. If she just wants to be friends, things are about to get awkward.

This theory may make you take pause at high-risk gestures of affection, but (and I'm not condoning weird shit, keep it together ladies and gentlemen) what it actually means is, go for it. Be you. Do what your heart tells you to do. Because if she likes you, she's likes you, and the Paul Walker Effect will be on your side. And if she doesn't, she doesn't, and then you know, and you can swallow your pride and move on.

This attitude is really helpful when you're worried about "scaring someone off" or saying the wrong thing. Because if someone is into you and you're being yourself, you're golden. And if they're not, well, you don't want to be with someone that's not into you anyways.

The trick is to put your ego aside and understand that attraction isn't personal. Nobody chooses to be attracted to someone. It just happens.

So, go out there with the swagger of the late Paul Walker. Because when you find your Mia, she won't see you as a creepy dude ordering a bad tuna sandwich every day, she'll see you as a nice guy ordering a bad tuna sandwich just to come hang out with her.

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