The Line Between Learning and Using

In Dominance-Based Relationships and Beyond

Sometimes, we don't give submissives enough credit. As Dominants, we often mistake a submissives need for leadership for a lack of knowledge. Yes, these people must be lead in the right direction, but this doesn't mean these people come without a skill set and personality all their own. Most dominants in the fetish world have heard the term, "Topping from the Bottom." It's a term that is used when someone who claims to be submissive, is in fact very manipulative, controlling, and demanding. These people often see themselves as true submissives, when in reality they want to experience controlled, submissive fantasies they have constructed. Alone, there is nothing wrong with this, but when bringing it into a kink dynamic, it can often be frustrating, tiring, and harmful.

When a Dominant and submissive enter into a relationship, initial vetting is almost always done. This involves going over what this particular person is interested in, what dynamic they are looking for, and so on. Many people may get carried away in the moment, and overlap their realistic needs and wants with their own fantasies. This is where trouble can start to arise. Someone who may benefit from a one hour session occasionally, may fantasize about being a full-time, live-in slave. If this submissive cannot differentiate between what their true needs and wants are, versus their fantasy, this is where the lines begin to blur. Often these people have very specific standards and fantasies, which they expect Dominants to play out like a movie on command. These people usually expose themselves very quickly. They do not truly want genuine leadership and discipline, but only what will mark off their boxes to get their rocks off.

The second type of submissive that tops from the bottom, are those who use the name of the brat as a complete facade. These are the people who act out intentionally, beg for certain punishments, and are only around when they want to benefit from the dominant, These people are not looking to be trained, but again only want to do the things which will turn them on and get them off. These people can be very misleading, however, because they are rarely upfront with their true nature (if they are even aware of it themselves). This can cause a Dominant to pour their time and energy into training a submissive that will, in reality, never change. The only path to change is for the submissive to realize their actions and try to find the best, most appropriate solution.

So, what can each of us do, as submissives and Dominants? Most of the responsibility falls upon the submissives, who frankly are wasting Dominants time. There is nothing wrong with booking a one or two hour session, letting your Dominant know what you would like to do, and going from there. What isn't right is falsely claiming refuge under the wings of a strong Dominant, only to not be dedicated to the hard work it takes to build and maintain that relationship. Dominants need to realize that all the vetting in the world will still let some of these submissives fall through the cracks. Some people have demons hidden so deep inside they don't even know they are there. We cannot let our big and strong hearts be callused by such foolery. We will continue to strive, and we will continue to mold those who want to be molded. We have such a large responsibility to us and those around us, to not only run our business, but train the best submissives possible.


Soulless Sugar

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The Line Between Learning and Using
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