The Intimacy of Writing About Sex

I started writing explicit scenes in college. At first it was part of a massively multiplayer online role playing game (MMORPG) that I had gotten into with the guy I was sleeping with. We’d be in our separate dorms playing the game together and take “role playing” to a place the creators of the game likely didn’t intend (at least, not that they would admit). When he transferred out of state for a semester, we continued with the game but also just got together in private chats to offer one another little gifts for the wank bank.

I have a long history with long distance relationships so the experience I got with the gamer guy translated well into my next relationship. With him, there was less online “cybersex” and more verbal phone sex but I did still send him the occasional colorful email to entertain himself with. He preferred a more interactive sort of mutual masturbation where he could hear the effects his words had on me or vice versa.

With the next guy in line, we went back to a lot of text communication. Online was still (at the time) the more convenient way although text messages were becoming more accessible (no more T9 by this point; and yes, I am aware I am dating myself). My favorite thing to do with (to) him was send graphic emails, especially after he confessed to opening one at work.

Sorry, not sorry, because I’ll be totally straight with you. The idea of you hard and frustrated in a cramped office in the back of a retail store turns me on almost more than the story that got you in that mess.

But I figured out I had kind of a knack for it. Unfortunately, I had a knack I couldn’t share publicly. More to the point, I had a knack I couldn’t openly profit from.

Even more than a knack, though, I enjoy sex.

I enjoy the act of sex, sure. But I also enjoy deep, open conversations with other adults about sex. The kinds of conversations that would make a lot of people blush. What turns them on? Are they adventurous? If their significant other invited them on a Ferris wheel ride and started fingering them, would they freak or roll with it? Would they masturbate in public if no one was paying attention? Do they like to masturbate for their partner’s voyeuristic pleasure?

And you can’t have those conversations with just anyone. Which is another reason I enjoy them. There is a level of intimacy, even among platonic friends, that allows for that kind of ultra-vulnerable sharing. And I am a person who values intimacy, even among platonic friends.

But I have lost a lot of those friendships over the years. In some cases, we have simply grown apart. In others, they have found different people (typically spouses) with whom to develop that level of intense intimacy. Regardless of the reasons, however, my circle of friends with whom I can talk about everything—from fingering in the back of a movie theater and whether or not they’ve grown out of that activity to full on fucking where and when—is growing smaller.

Ironically, it was the news that Tumblr would be censoring and removing all explicit material starting immediately that prompted me to find outlets for my own explicit material. I have a small collection of erotic—and some pornographic—fiction that has helped me get off once or twice. Why not share it with other people who enjoy that sort of thing? And make some money from it if I can.