The Do's and Don'ts of a Tasty Vagina

Your pressed up against the wall, tongues intertwined as he jams his knee between your thighs, while sensually groping your breasts. He watches your face as it lights up with delight and smirks as he realizes the control he has over you every movement. He teases you ever so gently and then gives you a bit more until you can’t take it anymore, his knee soaked by your juices. He kneels down ripping your panties to the side as he slips his tongue as deep as he can without your vagina swallowing him whole. Those few seconds between the time he kneels down and slips his tongue inside are literally the scariest and longest seconds to every girl, regardless of how comfortable she may be with her sexuality.

You can’t help but question how things are doing down there... you know, the overall situation: Does it smell like the rose garden you were aiming for or the fish market by the boardwalk you’d have nightmares about? Those thoughts are so vivid and controlling that they take you away from all the pleasure that’s happening that very same moment as you momentarily panic and search for the answer while scanning the expression on his face. You let out a sigh of relief followed by a pleasurable moan as you check off rose garden in your head and smile with content as you realize how blessed you have been to be born with such a lovely bouquet and more so with such a lovely man who knows exactly what needs to be done for those flowers to blossom and bloom.

While it’s great to be blessed with such a bouquet, much of how that bouquet smells and tastes has more to do with you than you think. The way you take care of your vagina as well as the foods and liquids you intake have a direct effect on your overall vagina and its health. As much as you may hate the smell of your own vagina, as long as it doesn’t smell fishy or foul, men are actually instinctively attracted to it because in their minds it’s associated with sex. To make your vagina look, smell, and taste it’s best follow these tips and be prepared for your man demanding your vagina for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

1. Do wash your cooter flaps regularly, using a mild fragrance free soap like Johnson and Johnson’s baby soap. Vaginas are sensitive and anything harsher than that can offset the balance of your vagina's environment causing infection and foul odor. Make sure to wash off all soap and dry your cooter all the way.
2. Do wear light breathable cotton underwear allowing your vagina to breath and stay cool. When laundering your underwear make sure to use a mild detergent as well so as not to irritate those cooter flaps and leave them feeling happy and clean.
3. Do not use a scented detergent to wash your underwear. Detergent, like soap, should be as mild as possible with no scent. The last thing you want is a strong detergent with a pungent smell that clashes with your own cooter scent creating the Venus fly trap scent of death... you enter at your own will but you may not get out alive.
4. Do not douche inside of your vagina with anything, musk or otherwise unless you want to piss off your cooter and deal with the aftermath of that angry cooter and its angry flaps. Douching with anything inside of your vagina will offset the natural balance your cooter works so hard to achieve and sends it into overdrive to try and fix the situation. In the process, however, it is likely you may develop a yeast infection or other types of infections and when your cooter isn’t feeling well, she makes sure to let the rest of your body know it by releasing an odor from Hell, like a skunk that’s been startled. Say hello to Pepe le Peu-ter (funky cooter).
5. Do drink lots of water throughout the day. You should already be drinking eight cups of water throughout the day regardless of your cooter, but luckily it also helps your cooter feel its best. A happy cooter is a healthy cooter and a happy healthy cooter makes one hell of a cooter candy, tastier than ever!
6. Do eat foods that enhance your cooter's sweet aroma such as pineapple, wheatgrass, parsley, and oranges. These foods are packed with vitamins and nutrients that are good for your overall health anyway but if it makes your vagina taste like candy in the process, more power to the pineapple!
7. Do not eat foods that affect the smell of your breath or urine because chances are they will also have an impact on your cooter flaps. Foods like coffee, bear, garlic, onions, and asparagus are all known to affect our breath, urine, and even sweat so best to refrain from them all unless your trying to make weapons of mass destruction from your cooter flaps.

There you have it guys, the do’s and don'ts of optimal vaginal health. Follow these tips and let your cooter out on the town. Let it be the unicorn it was born to be and just sit back, relax and enjoy your cooter's rise to fame as it redefines the real meaning behind the scent of a woman and hypnotizes all the nasal cavities it meets along the way. After all the true power of a woman lies in the power of her pussy.