The Day I Lost My Virginity

Dingleberry Blues

I remember my first time like it was yesterday. It was on Wednesday, May 8th, 2002. The city was Fort Valley, Georgia. The day before my 16th birthday. I remember telling myself, "I gotta get some pussy before my 16th birthday." At the time I was dating this girl, she was a sophomore in our high school. Let's say her name is Tisha. Tisha had a body of a 22 year old volleyball player that does 1,000 squats a day, five days a week. In short, Tisha literally had the ass of a donkey. Now as a 31 year old, I'm kinda disturbed at how mature her body was in the 10th Grade.  Maybe that's the dad in me, but anywho, we set up the smash'age so perfectly. She told her overly strict mom she was going to the after-school program, I had my sister pick her up and bring her from school to the house. I got home a little earlier than they did, so I hurried up and called my oldest brother for tips on how to get her horny and the most important tip was "How do I suck a titty?" (Titty man here!) He replied in a manner where I could close my eyes and focus on his wording and actually visualize the sucking of the titty. Left boob on hand, cuffed gently under the teat. He said "alright, now once you hold under her titty, I want you to push her titty up, maybe a half of inch to one inch. She got enough titties for that?... then I want you to slowly go to her nipple. Prepare your lips you're trying to blow a bubble out of your mouth. Lead with your bottom lip and your tongue should look like a soldier hiding in a ditch. As soon as you feel the connect, your lip touch the nip, that's when you slip the tongue on it. Then suck her titty like a baby sucking on a bottle, but suck it gently. Like you love it. Like you want to take your time on it. You're in no rush." I had my eyes closed doing the motions and everything. My brother is a genius when it comes to giving advice on women. 

I got off the phone, jumped in the shower, cleaned my room, and made up my bed with the galaxy mattress, so embarrassing. I heard the door unlock, my heart started beating so hard. I could barely breathe. I was already hard, I was already ready. I didn't know how to get her in my room. My sister hit me with "Mars, I'm about to have company in the living room. Y'all have to go in your room and study." Me and big sis never ever ever get along, but we have tender moments like this where I look at her and say that's my motherfuckin' big sister. You have to understand the dynamic of our relationship. Love/hate is an understatement. Brother/sister rivalry means nothing comparing it to our relationship. So for her to assist with the score, my very first point. That was huge for me. I led Tisha into my room. Started kissing on her and proceeded with the play. I ushered her over to the bed, took her shorts off. I went down to her nipples and noticed long strands of hair around her nipple. Think of a small island with palm trees surrounding the island, swaying back in forth. Her nipple the island, her hairs the palm trees. The shit was disgusting, but I never saw real titties up close like lip to skin level so I said fuck it and sucked on her hairy nipple. She whispered "take off my pants and panties." My heart fell to my left knee. I immediately started shaking. She asked was this my first time? I smirked and hit her with the "Really? C'mon now," knowing I've never seen a Venus flytrap (coochie) up close. I slide her panties off and had her stand up so I can see her body naked. I remember thinking "all this for me? I'm about to kill this shit."

She looked at me and said "hit it from the back, that's my favorite position" being the person I am, I started to overthink and immediately thought "Wait, she fucking like that to have a favorite position? Do I stand a chance against this pussy?" I started fingering her. Kissing on her neck, then I went back to my cuff the titty bottle nipple move. I felt more and more wetness. I grabbed the condom, slipped it on, and bent her over. I look at my alarm clock and timed myself. I was hitting it for 22 minutes from the back. 22 whole minutes of one back and forth movement was boring so I started slapping her butt. Then something said, "Spread them cheeks apart and look at that wave every time you hit it." I spread her cheeks apart without looking down and that's when the aroma hit me. So pungent and sharp, like a swift cut to my nostril from Valerian steel (Game of Thrones reference. I love that fuckin' show). As I hesitantly looked down, I saw little green dingleberries. 5 to be exact. Chilling around her bootyhole. Reminded me of rabbit shit I used to dodge in my grandmother's backyard. I lied and told her I thought I heard my mom coming, so I could have a reason to stop. She got up, got dressed fast. I walked out the room and signaled towards my sister to take her home. My best friend at the time came over and wanted the play-by-play. He didn't believe I had sex with Tisha, until I let him smell my fingers. Her smell was on my fingers for 3 days. No lie, 3 DAYS!!! At that time I didn't know coochie wasn't supposed to smell the way hers did. I walked around school, letting people smell my fingers because of my friend's big mouth. "Hey, Mars bruh let me smell them fingers." I heard that for 2 days straight. For the rest of high school, my friend called Tisha "stankin booty lil girl" and she never caught on. My 1st time was a disaster. It was horrible. It started out with so much promise. Can't take back your 1st sexual experience, but I did learn if there's a smell any where in that below area, avoid swimming in the pool. Take a small sample of the moisture and run it across her nose, pause and wait for her sniff, sniff, and then abort mission. Green Dingleberries.

All the time true.

IG: @uno.mars

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The Day I Lost My Virginity