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It was the following Tuesday morning and I had been thinking about Ryan almost exclusively since it happened. What did I want? I kept thinking there's no way this was going to end well. I would lose my job no matter what. Maybe he would lose his. Maybe we would fall in love and get married. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe I’d just try it out. I’ll just spend some time with him and I see how it goes. What was the harm in that, right?
I was busy catching up on all my work when Ryan calls me into his office. I enter, close the door, and sit down in front of him, and then he looks at me with those pitch-black eyes and asks me, “Is everything okay? Because I want to be honest with you, because I’m always honest with you. I don't regret what I did. I like you.”
I sat there wide-eyed, confused and slightly stunned, as I muttered back the words he just vomited up all over me. “You like me?”
I asked myself, “Do I like him?”
“Do I actually have anything in common with him?” I felt a little ashamed when I realized the answer was yes. And although it wasn’t romantic, I thought back to that Saturday night in the parking garage as he laid on top, his dick still inside me. I stared up at him from the cold concrete ground as I searched his eyes for answers.
So here I sat, staring back at him, still hoping I’d find the answers to my questions, weighing my options. On one hand, he was still that supportive and kind boss that I enjoyed working for. We laughed and joked together and over the years we had gotten to know one another better. There was no wall anymore. We spoke freely and openly about what was going on in the company. He knew when I was plummeting from the stress and he’d let me cry in front of him. He let me be myself.
But he was also my lover now, the one that took my hand and led me behind a car in the parking garage of our hotel and fucked me. I pulled my jeans and wet panties down to the concrete floor for him, turned around, and laid my bare breast up against a stranger’s car while he slid his dick inside me. I recalled the taste of his hand as he covered my mouth to help muffle the moans that echoed throughout the building.
He's waiting patiently for me to say something back, but my thoughts were spiraling out of control.
“He’s ten years older than you.”
“He has two kids.”
“He’s fucking gorgeous.”
“God, look at those arms. I bet he could lift me up and fuck me in the air.”
“I want him to lick me. Man, he didn’t lick me. I want that.”
And then I snap out of it.
"I'd like to spend time with you, but I don't know what I'm doing. I don’t even know if I can text you"
"Yes, you can text me," he said with a smirk.
"It is what it is. I've always lived my life that way," he added.
I didn't say much else — just enough to keep it going. I smiled and nodded and said all the right things because I didn't know what else to say. I was attracted to him. That was obvious. I knew it wasn't right. But I gave in.
I stand and begin to walk towards the door when he says, "I have to ask because, well I'm always saying crazy things but, how do you not have a boyfriend? I don't get it."
I pause. How is any girl supposed to answer that question? I feel like I’ve been asking myself that very same thing for the last six years.
"Neither do I," I say with a smile as I open the door and leave.
It was 5:30 PM that Thursday night. I’m sitting in my car, dabbing my lips with a dark brown lipstick. I can feel my heart pounding in my finger tips as I carefully outline them. I get out and walk into the Mexican restaurant across the street from work and when I enter, I see Ryan in the back booth waiting for me.
“Hey,” I say, smiling as I slide down in the seat across from him. It was just seconds later that the waitress approaches us with two cold Bud Lights in her hand. I slide my fingers down the glass and then take a big gulp to help calm my nerves.
I thought this date would be light, but our conversation wondered into very personal territory.
“How long have you and Rebecca been married?” I asked.
“Uhh, about six years.”
“And why do you think your marriage didn’t work out?” I questioned.
“Well,” he says, “If you can do the math you will realize that my son Michael is older then that. We were living in Washington and I had come home to find that she had left with my son and come back here to Arizona. I was freaking out, the police got involved, and after it was all said and done, her parents pretty much told me that I needed to marry her if I wanted to see my kid.”
“So I moved here, and we got married and then Scott happened. I just don’t think she’s my soulmate. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of love for Rebecca. I just don’t think she is supposed to be the one I end up with.”
“Do you ever think about what our lives would be like, if we just dated like normal?” he asked.
“Yes, of course, I’ve thought about it a lot," I said.
“What does it look like then?”
"Well, I just imagine it being normal," I tease, as I run my foot along his inner leg. "I see us going to movies and concerts. Going to work out together. Cuddling on the couch as we watch TV." I pause. "It just feels right."
Soon our beers were empty, the plates were cleared, and I led him out to my car. "Get in," I bark. "I want to talk more."
He gets in and starts to talk again but I'm not listening. I take my hand and lightly ran my thumb and index finger along his ear before sliding it down to his neck and pulling him closer. I press my lips hard against his and then slowly let my mouth fall open and let our tongues meet.
"Get in the back," I whisper in his mouth, our faces still tied together, not wanting to part. He follows me with no hesitation as I climb into the back of my SUV and pull the seats down.
He lowers himself on top of me, his weight now resting on my chest. His cold hand finds my skin and inch their way up my torso until he reaches my chest. "What do you want?" he says, almost as if it were a challenge. He wants to hear me say it.
"I want to be on top of you," I say, as I grab his side harder. "I want to sit down on top of you and feel your dick inside me."
His kiss is now more aggressive.
"I want to ride you, naked, with my tits in your face," I tease.
And then he grabs the button on my pants and whips it open. He sits back up and pulls them off my feet. I take my shirt and pull it over my head and then arch my back and slip my hand behind me to unclasp my bra.
He takes my breast in his hands immediately, playing with my nipples between his fingers and pulling gently. He runs his hand to my back and twists us so that I roll on top of him.
"I want all that to happen... right now."
I pull down his pants and take his dick in my hand and lick the head as if it was a lollipop, sucking it and licking my spit back off it. He grabs my hair and moves it out of the way so that he has a better view and then I take him in my mouth.
I crawl on top of him and tease my wet pussy with his dick, grinding up against him and only letting him sneak inside me by an inch. My heart's racing and I grab his hand and put his thumb in my mouth as I take more of him inside me.
I move his hand down to my clit and demand him to touch me with his wet fingers as I bounce on top of him.
My knees are starting to hurt from the pressure against the hard car floor but I lean over, press my boobs up against his chest, and run my tongue along the edge of his ear and I thrust hard on top of him.
"I'm going to cum," he says, so I climb off and begin to suck his dick again. I can taste myself on him and then he holds my head down and I can feel him finish in the back of my throat.
Morning came too quickly and there I was sitting at my desk, stressed as always. I get up and walk into Ryan's office.
"Hey, is it okay if I leave a little early today?"
"Sure," he replied. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, I just have somewhere to be."
That Friday afternoon, I left my employees with emails outlining everything they needed to know to survive there without me. I wrote an email to HR and then I walked out the doors of this job I despised.
And although I've been sitting in my car crying for what feels like an hour now, I'm relieved. I'm done. It's over. I won't get sucked into that place even more.