The Big Discussion: Prologue

Sex Toys and Relationships: An Observation and Opinion

I feel like a common thing that happens with couples is the request sex toy discussion. That one discussion where one person tells their partner "Hey, I feel uncomfortable with you using/having/purchasing [certain] sex toys." Shall we discuss?

My question to the ones that have a problem with toys is "why do you?" While some partners aren't inherently assholes, others straight-up attack and pull apart a girl because she likes toys, calling her a whore and the like. Seriously, why does a vibrating piece of plastic bring out such a reaction?

This brings me to the point about respect. Now, I won't tell you what to do (not that I can do that anyway), but there is a fine line between respecting what your partner feels and ignoring your needs and wants to let your partner and their judgments make all the decisions about the sex life of you two. It's about balance. Intimacy means being open with each other, and frankly, when one person gets too big for their britches (and not in the sexy, fun way) that's when things will start crumbling. If I am with you and you step to me and say you aren't okay with my buying or using sex toys, you better not have plans that night because we *will* be having a discussion.

And because I like going into discussions prepared, I already have some rebuttals, which will be posted individually, so as not to overwhelm anyone.

Now, I can't promise that these responses won't cause some kind of...raising of hackles, for lack of a better term. I am sure many (men and women) have been guilty of what I'm about to bring up. Relationships aren't easy, no matter what anyone says. That'll be explored in the future more thoroughly.

To be fair, I am not what one is called an expert in anything. I didn't study couples and their arguments for years, nor have I taken class upon class in psychology or relationships or anything of the sort. These are simply the observations made through friendships, relationships, and acquaintances. 

But for now, here is the first out of three reasons that start the long fight.

Reason One: "What if she prefers toys over sex with me?"

Why are all guys so focused on whether or not she's more into them or the toy? Gentlemen, hear me out: stop thinking you need to compete with a piece of rotating, vibrating rubber.

First off, whether she likes the toy more than your dick does not matter. She knows your dick can't rotate, vibrate, go eight different speeds, have a rabbit attachment, and run on batteries that can last longer than 99.9 percent of humans (if not 100 percent) which can be readily changed. That is not the point.

Your girl is with you because she loves you. She has sex with you because SHE LOVES YOU. Being intimate with you gets her off in different ways that no sex toy can replicate. Being with you gives her an indescribable feeling that cannot be felt with a toy.

Isn't that enough?

Little breaks a girl's heart more than feeling like her love is not enough for someone. The idea that she herself is not enough; her feelings, her trust, her care. To think that her partner is so distrustful of her love that she feels the need to hide something harmless like a toy. Honestly, why are you even with her if you can't even deal with the fact that she finds small joy in vibrating latex and plastic?

Or is it you realize how lacking you are? Are you realizing that you don't bring a lot (if any) to the table? An interesting point of self reflection, if you ask me.

Now Reading
The Big Discussion: Prologue
Read Next