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The 4 AM Visitor

The #Hoemoir of a Pakistani Homosexual

It was one of the foggiest nights in my hometown of Lahore, Pakistan. Everything was white, and it is not even an exaggeration — zero fucking visibility.

Grindr seems to provide a little solace at odd hours of the night when slumber and I are going through a bit of a rough patch. I had been talking to this guy for over seven months, on and off. We had previously planned on meeting up at a hotel because I could not host him at my parents’ house (yes I lived with them, don’t judge me, it’s just how Pakistan works), and he could not host me at his (yes, he lived with his parents too). But that foggy night, which was supposed to be a big holy night in the Lunar Calendar for Muslims, I decided to celebrate being a devout muslim by letting my guard down and sneaking this guy into my room.

So the whole planning began at around 2:00 AM, but because mother nature decided to be a bitch to me by queefing fog, the whole thing was delayed to 4:00 AM, which is when he had finally grown a pair of balls for himself.

4:00 AM

I had already prepared by now, spraying on my perfume, washing myself in all the ‘wrong places,’ brushing my teeth and all that jazz. I took off my shoes and began tip toeing only to find my dad fully awake in the living room on fucking FACEBOOK. He was not supposed to be up. He was not supposed to be up AT ALL. So I stood in the kitchen, looking through the glass door, looking at him and telepathically telling him to fucking go to his room and sleep. And after 10 minutes of telepathic hoo haa, he got up and went to his bedroom.

*sigh*

4:11 AM

The poor thing was waiting in an Uber outside my house and I finally opened the gate to find a car parked a few feet from my house and all I saw was hazard lights trying their best to peak through the thick fog. He came to me smiling and the both of us exclaimed, ‘FINALLY!’ 

He wasn't as hot as he looked in the pictures that he had sent me on Grindr, but that is the problem with modern day dating and using virtual media to meet people rather that actually going to a bar or a club and pulling someone. Ironically, Grindr is the only way of doing things in Pakistan—well, because we do not have fucking clubs or bars or all that. We have restaurants where you eat food or a shit tonne of cafés, where you just go for a coffee or hangouts. 

His smile was cute though but he had braces on. Now, I do not have a fucking issue with braces, my only problem is that it can lead to the potential of having to deal with a stinky situation. But he was tall and pretty handsome. He should have had better skin regimen to help with the little bit of acne on his forehead, but I could live with that.

4:30 AM

We had snuck into the house through the back door (no pun intended) and had crept up the stairs. He was so much more nervous about this than me, even though I was the one sneaking him into my fucking house. Now had I gotten caught, a lot of shit would have gone down, yet this guy was feeling like a bigger pussy. 

We had smoked two cigarettes each now that we were in my room but he was acting really awkward. He was a few years older than me but for some reason he was just shy and abnormally serious. I asked him, as he lit his second cigarette, if he was going to keep me waiting even after all this time and he replied with a smile and put it out.

We made our way to my bed and I took out my laptop to put together a playlist entitled 'SexyTime' on Spotify, hoping that it could somehow make him feel more comfortable and also muffle the noise from my room, considering that my sisters were sleeping in the room right next to mine.

4:34 AM

He was laying next to me now staring ahead and I was there thinking;  "what a massive fucking pussy." But then I leaned in towards him and before I could say anything he went in for that kiss. His lips against mine. Our tongues began intertwining and while kissing him I thought to myself, "holy fuck, this pussy is a pretty good kisser." 

The one thing anyone who ends up in my bed should know about me is that, I get really fucking turned on with kissing and foreplay. To the point where my dick is about to explode and I start leaking buckets full of pre-cum and I fucking love that filth. Had he kissed me all night long; I would have probably cum in his face. 

5:00 AM

Make out after make out. By this point I was sitting on him—now he was a big guy, I on the other hand am a tall being but I am extremely slim. While sitting on him and bending at a 90 degree angle to kiss him, I slowly started getting back to my upright position and he did that too.

I slowly took his shirt off and his arms raised to the ceiling as did mine, to reveal his massively hairy chest. It was fucking hairy. It was a fur coat. A full fucking fur coat. 

But I found it really hot, and then he took off my shirt. We began kissing again and I wrapped my arms around him. His hairy chest placed against my twinky body, a decent amount of skin was in contact between us and Amy Winehouse was singing her jazz in the background, the only light we had was from the screensaver.

We were just so into each other. See I am one of those people who gives a little too much love even when it is a hookup, because that is how I am intrinsically. I end up making them feel like we were lovers from a previous life. 

I can not change it even if I try and the only thing that scared me was that I did not want him to take all these gestures and fall for me (I have been in that situation before—far too many times).

5:15 AM

The kissing had become far more intense now. He was biting my lips, and I was biting his. With every kiss he would push his tongue further down my mouth. I was laying on my back and he was laying on top of me. He had a bit of a stubble and then what he did, took me to a whole new level of 'turned on'.

He went in to kiss my neck.

Not just kiss, he went for a proper lick! His beard scraping the soft skin on my neck and his lips and tongue would sent currents down my spine, one after the other. I would feel blood gushing down to my dick!

5:23 AM

I pulled his pants down to find the biggest fucking monster. Now this guy was a bottom, and he wanted me to fuck him. He had a massive fucking dick. Seven inches and thick. You could see the veins popping out on it. It was like a small dick on a lot of steroids. 

And that thing had now made it's way into my mouth. I had gotten rid of my gag reflex when I was 15, so now I was basically displacing my jaw bones like a fucking snake to take his fucking anaconda into my mouth.

The blow job was going well but then he bent forward, removed my face from his penis and began kissing me. Then he went down on me.

As turned on as I was. The single following word should explain my frustration, anger and disappointment: 'TEETH'.

He was not that good at blowing. But I did not fucking care because I was far too turned on. 

He kept going on and on and on. He would take out my dick and rub it all over his beard because he had figured out by now that it was really turning me on. 

6:00 AM

 Christmas ‘came’ early. I lay on top of him for a few more minutes as we were panting. I had legitimately had one of the most glorious orgasms of my life, and so did he, well at least that is what he said.

We got up and I lit up a cigarette while he went to wash off. We sat next to each other and even though I was expecting a nice friendly conversation, he just seemed so serious and uptight all of a sudden.

“Did he not have a good time? Did I fuck up?” That was all I could think of in that moment.

Before it got too awkward, his Uber had arrived and I had to escort him down to the gate. We tip-toed our way to the gate without saying a word to each other and then as we stood outside the gate, he looked at me and smiled.

“I really hope to see you again,” he said. Those words meant that all of this could have just been an ephemeral happening or a ‘one-night-stand’ in the words of my Millennials. 

But whatever it was, it was different. He slowly disappeared into the clouds of fog that had sunk on that cold winter morning.

Two Days Later

 8:36 PM

WhatsApp notification:

Him: Hey, that night was fun. I had the best time.

Me: Come over, tonight…

Read next: The Hotel
Beer'yani Bae
Beer'yani Bae

The #Hoemoir of a homosexual Pakistani. The sexual escapades and birth of Beer'Yani Bae. The hot stories, the good stories, the bad stories and the most horrific stories. 

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The 4 AM Visitor
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