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Now, I haven't established myself much yet in the grand scheme of things, but if there is one thing that I have learned in this world; it's that there is good sex, and there is bad sex.
I hate to break it to you fellas, but most of us women, don't cum. Now, you have to understand that it's not that we aren't into sex, a lot of us are, and I dare say, the majority of us would be if it weren't for the fact that there isn't usually a great deal of benefit from it for us when its unsuccessful (most of the time).
Orgasming is difficult for women yes, so before you start bombarding me about your opinions about this shit, please just bear with me, and read the whole bloody article before you formulate any opinion or response.
Now, be warned, the rest of this article will be quite frank. So the niceties and politeness end here. I have one thing to say to each biological sex/gender, groups etc. (I don't say it this way for the sake of trying to be insensitive to people who don't identify, but admittedly I'm lumping for the sake of the article—however, don't be discouraged because something written here may be beneficial to you.)
Just like every aspect of a relationship, you can't be truly healthy within it, unless you have open communication. It's important and vital to pretty much every aspect of your relationship.
As far as sex goes however, the conversations about it are usually for the sake of humor, bragging rights, or trauma (but we're sticking with lighter themes here).
One mistake I often hear of couples, and people in general making when it comes to their sex life, is allowing yourself to be embarrassed when you talk about it. Some people think themes such as this should be talked in private, one on one, or not at all. Well, I call fucking bullshit.
So buckle up your seat belts, bitches, and open your ears. If you can't talk about sex without getting red in the face, why are you having it?
Sure, there are certain kinks and details that others or yourself may find your cheeks reddening when you talk about it in a group of mutual friends of each other or family setting. This is normal (in most cases).
However, if you are with your partner, and neither of you can bring yourself to talk about your physical connection without blushing, why are you having it? If you can't talk about what you like and don't like, why bother engaging in the action in the first place?
The key to great sex is being able to be open about the things you do like and the things you don't like in great detail, without being ashamed to admit them to your partner.
Let me tell you a story. When I first met my fiancé, I had been sexually active for three years. Not once, in that entire span of time, (which I was in a relationship for most of, and having sex—frequently) did I ever once have an orgasm.
Again, let me repeat, in three years of frequent frolicking between the sheets and I never once experienced an orgasm.
By the time I met my fiancé, sex was something I did out of obligation, to make the relationship "stronger" or to make him happy. I wasn't into it. Ever, I was basically a used and abused cum dumpster for guys who didn't care about my sexual awakening.
Until I met him.
Suddenly, conversations in private, and in public, based purely out of curiosity became suddenly common. Conversation about likes, dislikes, and interests in trying came to light with someone who cared about what I wanted. He picked up on bodily clues and paid attention to moans. Soon, he knew more about my own body than I did, and right away he gave me my very first one. It was like an explosion from within me. My eyes turned into a kaleidoscope of colors, and my legs twitched and vibrated uncontrollably. My fiancé jokes that I throw gang signs every time it happens. And it's his favorite thing to watch.
So before I end up going on and on, on a tangent about my sex life. I'm gonna conclude this point with this statement. Start talking about the shit you like. Be clear about the shit that you don't. You own your own fucking body. So speak up about it. Girls, you don't like having obligatory sex, speak up. Don't have it. Guys, you like it a little more sloppy when she gives you head? Okay, fucking say something. You can't bitch about your partner's sex appeal if you haven't told them what gets you going (and what doesn't). You get to bitch when you've had the conversation, and they simply don't care. You get to bitch when they do something you don't like - when they know you don't freaking like it.
What you don't get to do is go around dragging your relationship or your partner because they haven't lived up to your standards, when you haven't coached them how to make your body light up on fire.
Talk to your partner. Be open. Be clear, be specific—even in the middle of the deed.
Okay, rant over.
I wish you good tidings and great sex! Peace.