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Being a virgin is strange in our society.
If you're a virgin as a teenager, people applaud you for it. If you're a virgin for too long, people start acting concerned. Even if you are a virgin and happy to do it, people will often stigmatize virginity after a certain age.
This weird stigma and obsession people have around virginity can make it hard for older virgins to feel comfortable popping their cherry. I know this for a fact because one of my best friends lost his virginity at 30.
To help others out there who may have been struggling with having sex for the first time, I decided to lay out some sex tips for older virgins. After all, it can be pretty daunting the first time.
First thing's first, you're going to need to educate yourself.
Sex education is woefully bad in schools, and the fact is that one of the best sex tips for older virgins I can give is to actually take the time to educate yourself on sex. Whether the media portrays it or not, sex is a risky thing to do. If you don't know what you're doing, you can easily contract a disease, get pregnant, or worse.
So, here's what you need to do in order to get a crash-course on sex education:
- You will need to educate yourself on birth control. Learn about the pill, the patch, spermicide strips, condoms, the ring, IUDs, as well as surgical sterilization. This site can tell you volumes about how to use each type, how effective it is, and what kind is right for you and your partner.
- You will also need to learn about consent. "No means no" is only a small fraction of the truth. Real consent is "YES!" If your partner isn't enthusiastic, encouraging you, and saying yes when you ask them to sleep with you, they aren't consenting. This article explains consent pretty easily.
- You also may want to read up on how sex can affect emotions. Though sex is a physical act, there's definitely an emotional aspect to it. Hormones can make us get attached to people preemptively when we have sex with them. This is particularly true when you're first starting to have sex. Brace yourself if you find this happening.
Remember, sex is just sex.
One of the most common sex tips for virgins I've seen is the whole "mellow out" part of sex. Society puts so much emphasis on sex that it's kind of sickening. It's easier said than done, I know.
We as a society have a really twisted, warped, and unhealthy way of looking at sex. It's messed up because so many people make it seem like you are unfuckable if you don't have sex by a certain age—but at the same time, people still slut-shame others if they're too sexual.
You need to learn to not buy into all the whispers you hear society telling you about sex and virginity.
Here is the fact you need to hear: having sex doesn't really change who you are. After you do the deed, you're still going to like the TV shows you like. You're still going to be fun to be around in your own unique way. You're still the same person you were before.
Sex is just sex, even if it has an emotional aspect to it. Older virgins may feel like they're no longer "out of the loop" in sex talks, and they may feel more attractive afterward, but that's really about it.
If you're looking to get laid for the first time, you might want to avoid telling people that you're a virgin until after the fact.
You can't really talk about sex tips for older virgins unless you address the elephant in the room: sex partners. More specifically, finding a sex partner for the first time.
A big problem older virgins have is that a lot of people don't want to date virgins and that discrimination gets worse the older that person is. Girls will often have less problem finding a guy to date when they're virgins, but still, it can be offputting.
The reason for this is because people tend to assume that virgins are bad in bed, or that they will get too clingy. Saying you're a virgin might, at that point, be a red flag. Therefore, do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut.
Charm your partner, do what you want to do, and let it happen. If you are looking to date long term, you may want to tell them after you have sex— or slightly before.
If you literally were just going for a one night stand, don't bother telling them. A lot of people, worrying about clingy ex-virgins going a little loopy, will reject you if they find out. Sadly, this is what happens when you have a society that views virginity in such a toxic way.
Some people actually go the Craigslist route and look for a person who has a fetish for breaking virginities. These people are often called "cherry pickers" or "cherry poppers," and it can be risky. That being said, some will actually offer good sex tips and teach you certain things. Use your judgment on these.
There are also older virgins who choose to lose their virginity to prostitutes. This has the perk of giving guys a safe woman who won't judge them when they have sex, and most escorts will also be willing to give sex advice, too. That being said, it may hurt your self-esteem and it won't be very fun to talk about.
Even so, it's up to you to decide how you want to break your virginity.
Communication is key.
If you're a virgin and you're looking to have sex for the first time, tell your partner that you want to learn how they enjoy having sex. Ask your partner to guide you a bit by getting vocal when you hit a sweet spot, when you do something right by foreplay, and also when you are getting them close to the finish line.
Should you be with a partner who knows you still have a V-card, they will likely be very ready and willing to offer sex tips they happen to know. If you are with a "cherry picker" type of partner, then they will probably be very well-stocked with sex tips for older virgins and younger virgins alike.
Also, be prepared for your first time in bed to be a bit awkward.
Speaking as someone who has broken plenty of virginities in their time, I can tell you that sex isn't ever really amazing the first time around. You might be nervous, if you're female, it may hurt, and at times, you may even bleed.
It's alright, though. This is totally, perfectly normal.
If you are losing confidence, then focus on sex acts you've already done, such as kissing, caressing, oral sex, and similar to get you going. Foreplay is a part of sex after all.
One of the best sex tips for older virgins that I can offer is to really just enjoy it. If something awkward happens, don't worry about it. Laugh it off —really.
Believe it or not, sex can be awkward, weird, and gross with experienced people, too. That's just the thing about sex. It's never like in porn, and if it is, it's never really as good as you'd expect it to be.
Yes, there's occasional snafus, there may be farts once in a while, there might be moments where it's not actually sexy, but overall, it's a good experience to have.
Oh, and don't be surprised if sex really isn't as incredible as you imagined it'd be. Most older virgins I know, upon breaking their virginity, were pretty confused. One even asked me, "That was it? That was the big deal?"
Let's also talk about after-sex tips for older virgins.
Everyone talks about sex, but older virgins also need to be made aware of the stuff that happens after sex. There will be a mess. You will want to get a towel, and if you're female, you may actually want to get a couple of tissues. You might bleed during sex, and this is best wiped up.
If you're female, you also might want to pee after sex. This can help prevent a UTI.
Cleanliness aside, you may want to actually take the time to figure out your emotions after the entire episode is done. You'd be surprised at how different people will react to having their virginity broken.
A friend of mine told me that he actually cried for three hours straight after he popped his cherry, and he couldn't figure out why. It was only after years of introspection that he realized that it was because he had religious issues dealing with sex.
On the other hand, another friend I had just shrugged and said, "Well, that's done with, now."
We often don't understand what we're feeling, so if you feel conflicted about the way it all happened, this is something you should consider taking the time to contemplate. Sometimes, it may even be a good idea to talk to a professional.
Practice makes perfect.
An article about sex tips for older virgins wouldn't be complete without this little bit of advice: practice makes perfect.
The more sex you have, the better it becomes. It'll feel better, you'll learn what you like, you'll learn new tricks, and you'll just have your own awesome style of lovemaking.
Take time to explore sex. It's a fun part of life. After all, there is a reason why it's such a popular topic of discussion, right?