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Sex, Love, Life

My First Time

Warning: If you are my mother or a close friend and are easily disturbed, please do yourself a favor and don't read any of the articles entitled, "Sex, Love, Life!"

Note: Everything in this article/story is written in PG due to the age of when it had happened. It may be a little "cringey" to some, but I felt like it should be told.

It might be a bad thing to say, but I truly don't remember my first time. I can't be for sure, but I can remember one of my first times. I was 13 years old and heading off to camp. I've been to this summer camp a few times over the years, but this year was different. We weren't staying at the cabins, but instead, we were doing a week-long canoe trip where we would be canoeing all day and sleeping in tents at night by the river.

Arriving at camp was like every other year previously. My mother and her friend... aka uncle who wasn't actually related would walk me down to the main building to sign in and then take off. This is where things get fuzzy... I don't actually remember getting into the canoes and heading out, and I don't remember how a lot of the nights went—except for meeting the two guys, I would have to share the tent with for the trip, and constantly eating veggie hot dogs.

So anyways... By the fourth night, the three of us had begun to make a connection and bond over stupid things in our tent. As the one guy fell asleep that night, the other guy leaned over and began to whisper. "Have you ever had sex before?" He asked curiously. I laughed and told him the truth that I had never had sex and I hadn't really thought about it yet. He laughed and began to play with his "junk" through his pant. Without going into many details a few things happened that night and we ended up losing our virginity. It should be noted that we both consented to these actions, but things were about to change.

The next morning I awoke to find that my "tent mate" had already woken up and was standing outside beside a counselor. However, when my eyes met his... He turned away and walked towards the river... This is where things got uncomfortable for me. The counselor he had been talking to had now walked up beside me stating he needed to talk to me.

"Did you touch blah, blah, blah?" He asked with a stern voice. I felt as though I was being singled out by this man. I felt although I was being lectured by my elders like I had done something wrong, but I didn't. So instead, I just sat there stunned and muttered. I tried to explain that he said it was okay and that it was his idea. Of course, now with two different stories in turn they didn't know who was to blame or who to believe. It should also be noted that at the time I didn't even know what "gay" was... I had never heard the word in my life. My mother never mentioned it and she never had gay males as friends—that I know of.

With two different stories being told by two different people, the counselors had to choice but to separate us for the remainder of the canoeing trip and bring it up to the rest of the counselors once we made it back to the main camp. No surprise at all but for the rest of the trip, I felt alone... The very few friends... (the two guys from the tent) now wanted nothing to do with me.

When we did arrive back to the main camp all hell broke loose. The main staff had called both of our parents and had asked them to credit and get us. They had sat both of us down with separate counselors to hear the stories again, and we were to sit there until our parents arrived.

I don't remember much of what had happened when my mother arrived except that I had to repeat the story all over again. I felt ashamed and embarrassed, and confused all at the same time. I still wasn't sure what "gay" was, and I still felt like I hadn't done anything wrong, but at the same felt like I did everything wrong.

Even to this day, I don't remember that kid's name, but I do forgive him for the way he reacted. Maybe he wasn't ready, or maybe he knew what he was and was afraid of it. No matter what it was... that's life... and just something will have to live with.

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